The Cretins Cloning and Feeding, and I Don't Even Own a TV

"I Dream of Denver" by David Brooks

The Pew Research Center just finished a study about where Americans would like to live and what sort of lifestyle they would like to have. The first thing they found is that even in dark times, Americans are still looking over the next horizon. Nearly half of those surveyed said they would rather live in a different type of community from the one they are living in at present.

Second, Americans still want to move outward. City dwellers are least happy with where they live, and cities are one of the least popular places to live...

Cities remain attractive to the young. Forty-five percent of Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 would like to live in New York City. But cities are profoundly unattractive to people with families and to the elderly...

Third, Americans still want to go west. The researchers at Pew asked Americans what metro areas they would like to live in. Seven of the top 10 were in the West: Denver, San Diego, Seattle, San Francisco, Phoenix, Portland and Sacramento. The other three were in the South: Orlando, Tampa and San Antonio. Eastern cities were down the list and Midwestern cities were at the bottom.

Although Brooks did not address this in his column, I was, with a little wrangling, cajoling, and yes, outright bribery, able to obtain the release of the bottom three cities in the polling conducted by the Pew Research Center.

Here's what I found:

#7,345: West Memphis, AR

#7,346: Lubbock, TX

Let us not beat around the bush: Lubbock sucks. You and I have no love for Lubbock. Often, and this is just one man?s opinion, I could be wrong, I think Lubbock has about as much appeal as lard-fried Vienna sausages served in a pool of warm goat spit.

#7,347: Detroit, MI

This city has not always been a gentle place, but a series of events over the past few, frigid days causes one to wonder how cold the collective heart has grown.

It starts with a phone call made by a man who said his friend found a dead body in the elevator shaft of an abandoned building on the city's west side.

"He's encased in ice, except his legs, which are sticking out like Popsicle sticks," the caller phoned to tell this reporter.

Ladies and gentlemen, G.O.B. Bluth may tell you that "the jury's still out on science", but the fact that those cities are at the bottom of the list is a fact as immutable as Pluto's status as a planet.

Wait, what's that?

Pluto's been downgraded?

Okay, forget you read any of this.

Let's Watch the Miles Flying By

Apparently some East Texans are doing their best to make sure that hooliganism is not restricted to sporting events in Europe and South America.

Candido Garcia, 22,could face up to 20 years in prison for the incident involving two soccer teams if convicted, police said. Garcia, a fan of the team Deportivo Leon, apparently became angry after watching as a referee ruled in favor of the opposing team, Deportivo Higo, according to Lt. J.G. Smith of the Lufkin Police Department.

After an exchange of words, Garcia allegedly went after the Deportivo Higo team, stabbing coach Rogelio Juarez Castillo, 38, in the back with a knife, Smith said. Team members and fans of Deportivo Higo defended themselves against Garcia with sticks as he threatened them with the knife, Smith said.

A knife and stick showdown?

I would ask if firearms have been introduced to Lufkin, but this guy can certainly confirm that they have been.

Current Reading
The Appeal by John Grisham

We All Have a Weakness, but Some of Ours are Easy to Identify

TYLER, Texas — A man killed his girlfriend, then filleted and cooked parts of her body before calling police to tell them what he was doing, authorities said Sunday.

Christopher Lee McCuin, 25, called 911 on Saturday and told an emergency dispatcher he had killed Jana Shearer, 21, and was boiling her body parts at his mother's home, said Smith County Sheriff J.B. Smith.

When authorities arrived at the home, they found Shearer's mutilated body, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove and a fork sticking out of some human flesh sitting on a plate on the kitchen table.

What in the world is going on in the 903?

Read more (if you want to) here.

I'm Still Out on Sunset in a Taxicab

2007: A Look Back at a Year in the Life of Running Down a Dream

January

• 1: I went to sleep before the end of the Fiesta Bowl. You can always see the winning running-back propose to his girlfriend, but after a Statue of Liberty play? That's too much.
• 16: My 23rd birthday. I commiserate with Blink 182 and Coolio.
• 20: The first 2008 Presidential Roll Call. Tom Tancredo, we hardly knew ye.

February:

• 6: I announce my devotion to Liverpool F.C., chaos ensues.
• 14: Valentine's Day and a few lessons learned.
• 26: Martin Scorcese's eyebrows are the stuff nightmares are made of.

March:

• 3: I begin screaming at computer screens at 7:30 in the morning over football matches being played in England. This might be a problem.
• 5: Pound the Rock.
• 16: I develop the paranoia of a crackhead after keeping a perfect bracket for the first two days of the NCAA tournament.
• 29: I plead with the Rangers to become relevant once again. Sadly, they do not comply.

April:

• 8: A snowstorm of biblical proportions descends on the Tyler metropolitan area. No one besides the newscasters is remotely fazed.
• 11: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Dead Poets Society.
• 16: Rolling Stone's Top 10 Songs of All-Time along with Joey Halbert's dissent.
• 23: The death of a true legend in his own time.
• 25: The legendary Chelsea-Liverpool running diary.

May:

• 3: "I'm a lion among men" and other quotable quotes from Tyler area defendants.
• 12: Small town election conspiracy theories in Whitehouse.
• 16: Still one of the best YouTube videos I've ever seen.
• 30: My parents purchase furniture from Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

June:

• 10: My return from the Agan-Freede wedding and the inevitable repudiation of Lou Gehrig.
• 13: Houston v. Dallas: The Great Debate.
• 20: Andrew Tuegel and I discuss the extension of Jon Daniels's contract as Rangers GM.
• 27: Lance and Kayla Agan, Cody Girod, Bethany Freede, Austin Brennen, Alex LaBounty and yours truly enter the Shakey-Face Pantheon.

Check back tomorrow for the July-December recap.

They're Advertising in the Skies for People LIke Us

When I began to think about doing this anti-Houston post, I thought about taking a straw poll of friends and family who could provide relevant and witty commentary on Texas' most populous city, but I've decided to take a different tack. I'm going for a James Joyce writing Ulysses stream of consciousness approach to today's rant. Hopefully it will be much more visceral and truly convey my disdain for the area.

I'll begin with some positives. I'll grant you that there must be something to like about the place because it's the 4th most populous city in the United States. That fact could mean many different things. It could mean that the millions of people of who call the Houston metro area home really do enjoy where they live. It could mean that many of them don't like where they live, but choose to live there anyway. It could mean that they enjoy waking up in the morning and feeling as though they are walking out into someone's armpit, only with less hair.

It could mean that they really enjoy supporting sports franchises that, besides the Rockets back-to-back titles in 1994 and 1995 (in a Michael Jordan-less NBA, I might add), have really not done that much. I know that you're going to give me the stats that the Rangers and Mavs have never won titles, but I still can't hear you because these 5 Super Bowl rings and 1 Stanley Cup are stuck in my ears.

I'm not sure if it's just because I grew up always going to Dallas instead of Houston. When you are from a relatively small town in Texas, you develop an affinity for the big cities that you visit in order to attend pro sports events, shop, etc. I guess because of geographical proximity and family connections we always went to Dallas.

It's almost as if there's a type of Friends/Seinfeld, Duke/UNC, Nirvana/Guns 'n Roses rivalry between the I-45 neighbors. In some weird way, I don't think you can be a fan of the city of Dallas and also be a fan of Houston. You have to look at the contenders, weigh the pros and cons, and ultimately pick your side. I'm not sure if it's just because I prefer the sight of the rolling hills of North Texas to the Houston Ship Channel, but in the I-45 Duel, I'll take Dallas everyday of the week and twice on Sunday.

For all the Houstonians who read this blog, please tell me why I'm completely wrong in giving your city a bad rap. For everyone else, I would love to hear your thoughts on the relative merits of the Harris County Giant. Also, let's be honest here: In any battle among Texas cities, Austin is always winning, even if it has to fight with one hand tied behind its collective back. Long live the 512.

Catch a Plane to Barcelona 'Cause This City's a Drag

I'm feeling generous tonight, so I'm naming Dan Carlson as the winner of Friday's Song of the Day contest even though he only named Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! and not "The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth" as well, but we all knew what he meant.

Well, the CrimPro exam has come and gone, and so has my quick trip down to the Houston area for the Wilderness Trek Gala, which took place last night. Those 24-hour trips are nice, but I have to say, I'm not a huge fan of the Houston area. Now, there may be some Houston-philes out there who can give me some compelling reasons why your fair city is a good place to call home, but since I've never been to River Oaks or Katy, the only parts of Houston that I think I would want to live in are Sugar Land, Kingwood, and the Woodlands area. Other than that, no thanks. I'm waiting to be lambasted for such a blatant pro-suburb statement. Do your worst.

The Rangers had a great comeback this afternoon from a 3-1 deficit in the bottom of the 8th to win by a final score of 4-3 over the A's. I was a little concerned to see closer Eric Gagne leave the game in the 9th with an apparent leg injury, but here's hoping that it was a minor one. Also, Liverpool locked up a spot in the Champions League for next year with yesterday's 2-0 win over Wigan Athletic. You can see highlights of Dutch striker Dirk Kuyt's two goals here:

Up next, a the first half of a showdown with Chelsea in the Champions League semifinals on Wednesday at Stamford Bridge in London. Get ready kids, this is big time.