Sunday, May 31, 2009

On the Day He Lost His Life, That's All He Had to Lose

Congratulations to Mr. Joey Halbert for correctly naming "Crosstown Traffic" by the Jimi Hendrix Experience as the Friday Song of the Day.

Question of the Day:

Justin, I'm searching for a seriously disturbing geographic simile in an otherwise excellent piece of writing. Any suggestions?

Answer:

Sure. How about the following sentence from pg. 545 of William Manchester's American Caesar: Douglas MacArthur 1880-1964?

Korea hangs like a lumpy phallus between the sprawling thighs of Manchuria and the Sea of Japan.
I thank the sweet, sweet Lord that my geography teachers never used that descriptor the Korean Peninsula. It doesn't mean that my thoughts of Korea won't be tainted from this point of forward, but it does mean that I was able to avoid that mental trauma up until now.

Ah, the ignorance of youth.

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Friday, May 29, 2009

I'm Not the Only Soul Who's Accused of Hit and Run

Congratulations to Ms. Nina Patterson for correctly naming "November Rain" by Guns N' Roses as the Thursday Song of the Day.

Joey rightly mentioned "November Rain" in a comment on Wednesday's post as one of the top music videos of the 90's, and even if you loath Axl Rose and his serpentine dancing or Slash and his Mr. Peanut-esque top hat, you have to love "November Rain" or at least the music video.

Let's look at some of the reasons...
  1. Who doesn't love the sweeping shots of Slash during his solo? The stark countryside of New Mexico+an iconic chapel/church+the helicopter throwing up dust+a surly British guy throwing down one of rock's most memorable solos=MUSIC VIDEO GOLD.
  2. The $1.5 million price tag which made the video the 3rd most expensive video ever when it was shot in 1992 behind "Bad" and "Too Legit to Quit". That's a murderer's row, ladies and gentlemen. If this video, in some small way, helped pave the way for Puff Daddy/P.Diddy/Diddy deciding to shell out $2.7 million for the "Victory" video, well, I'm glad it happened
  3. There's comedy, there's high comedy, there's transcendent comedy, and then there's Axl's wedding garb of choice, which you can see at 2:04. I'm pretty sure he walked into a costume shop, looked at the owner and said, "What do you have in a Louis XIV?" and that was the result.
  4. Are we really supposed to believe that when Slash exits the wedding at 3:55, he's walking from that cathedral to the high New Mexican desert? They don't even try to make some sort of explanation for the obvious disconnect, and while that may drive some crazy, it further endears the video to me.
  5. Finally, in what may approach guitar blasphemy, I actually enjoy the Slash solo which begins at 7:25 better than the aforementioned famous solo which begins at 4:10. Again, I could be committing guitar blasphemy here, but I call 'em like I see 'em.

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Don't You Know You Need Some Time All Alone

Congratulations to Ms. Stacy Villescas for correctly naming "Winding Wheel" by Ryan Adams as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

Folks, I've been trying to tell you for years now that Ronald Reagan was simultaneously referring to the U.S.S.R., the Yankees, Nickelback, and Manchester United when #40 began speaking of "an evil empire", but a story brought to my attention today by the lady friend takes the cake.

A man "angered" by Manchester United's defeat to Barcelona in the final of the Champions League killed four people when he drove a minibus into a crowd celebrating the Spanish side's victory, police in Nigeria have told CNN.

First of all, this is why soccer is captivating and, at the same time, completely insane. The fact that a group of Nigerians would be crowding into a street to celebrate the victory of a Spanish club in a European competition says much about the worldwide reach of soccer's popularity, particularly the popularity of the large European clubs such as Barcelona, Liverpool, Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, and yes, Manchester United.
I'm a huge fan of the NFL, but I don't think anyone was gathering on the street corners of Lagos, Nigeria to celebrate last year when the Steelers won the title. Well, unless they were excited about the influx of Cardinals t-shirts that would shortly be making their way across the Atlantic. Kurt Warner: He's huge in Lagos!!!

More importantly, though, this is the kind of story that continues to give soccer fandom a black-eye. In America, we have the occasional riot/drunken gathering/couch burning expedition by college students when their school brings home a national title or we have an alcohol induced dust-up between Yankees and Red Sox fans in the bleachers on a hot July afternoon. No one gets too worried about things, we all shrug it off as the normal course of events in the sporting world, and we move on without much hand-wringing or blame casting.

Can you imagine, though, if something like this happened in America, if a Patriots fan had run down 4 Giants fans in Cambridge, MA two years ago after Super Bowl XLII? I'm pretty sure Keith Olbermann's head might have exploded, although I'm not so sure that's a bad thing, but I digress.

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

For Anyone You Think Could Outdo Me

Congratulations to Mr. Joseph R. Halbert for correctly naming "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys as the Tuesday Song of the Day. I said it to the lady friend this weekend, and I'll say it again here: "Sabotage" gets my vote for best music video of the 90's.

You might disagree with me on that point, and if you do, I would love to hear your suggestion for the #1 spot.

Question of the Day:

What is the first word that comes to mind when I see the following photo?
Answer:
Schadenfreude. Sweet, sweet schadenfreude.

Well done, Barca.

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I Can't Stand It, I Know You Planned It

Congratulations to Mr. Alan Robertson for correctly naming "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

Big news today in the legal world with President Obama's nomination of Judge Sonia Sotomayor to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court. While everyone else will spend hours poring over Judge Sotomayor's legal opinions, I say that the one true test of her qualifications to serve on the high court is a full breakdown of the high-jump technique of the other "famous" (I use the term loosely) Sotomayor, the current world record-holder in the high-jump, Javier Sotomayor.

Question of the Day
:

Justin, can I root for Manchester United instead of Barcelona tomorrow's Champions League Final?

Answer:

Sure, if you would have also supported the Axis in World War II.

Current Reading

American Caesar--Douglas MacArthur 1880-1964 by William Manchester

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Watching the Ships Roll In, and I'll Watch 'Em Roll Away Again

Congratulations to Mr. Joey Halbert and Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "All Apologies" by Nirvana as the Tuesday Song of the Day, although I should have settled the true status of the Song of the Day champion via a pre-established method.

Speaking of which...

From this date forward, all parties in disputes regarding their status as the true winner of the Song of the Day Contest hereby submit to binding arbitration, which shall consist of the following 3 events:
  1. One thumb-war contested under guidelines promulgated by the International Thumb Wrestling Society (ITWS),

  2. One round of Indian* leg wrestling, and


  3. One round of rock-paper-scissors**.



The contest will be based on a "best 2 out of 3" format. May the best man, woman, or child win.

*Iroquois, more specifically. As such, the use of moves which are banned under the Iroquois standard, such as the "Standing Chief Yellowrock Leg Lock" will result in the contestant's immediate disqualification in addition to any possible criminal prosecutions related to the use of such banned moves.

**Contestants may only "throw" rock, paper, or scissors during this portion of the binding arbitration. All other references to or uses of inane "throws" such as "God", "rain", or "lightning" are hereby banned and will result in the contestant's immediate disqualification from the remainder of the competition.

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Find My Nest of Salt, Everything's My Fault

Sadly enough, I think an impromptu straw poll of friends and family on the following topic might actually generate an approval rating over 50 percent...

"These Americans are destroying the moral and social fabric of our state," said Rep. Chris Turner, who added that he worries when he looks around Texas and sees people from places like Pennsylvania, Iowa, and Vermont. "The man who used to repair my truck was replaced by some mechanic who moved in here from Kansas. Lately I can't go to the store or the bank without running into all kinds of these foreigners. This wall is the only hope we have of keeping Texas safe."

"Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall to Keep Out Unwanted Americans"--The Onion

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All in All is All We Are

Congratulations to Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by The Beatles as the Monday Song of the Day. Here's a version by George Harrison from the Concert for Bangladesh in 1971.


What I'm about to write might come back to haunt me in, oh say late August, but right now if you take a peek at the current standings in the American League West and let your eyes read those standings from top to bottom, the first team they will fall upon is one based out of Arlington, Texas.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the only baseball franchise to have never won a postseason series is currently up 4 games on the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Greater Orange County. I'm not sure how long this current state of affairs will last, but I'm going to enjoy it while it does.

Current Reading

The Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon

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Monday, May 18, 2009

With Every Mistake We Must Surely Be Learning

Malcolm Gladwell's latest piece in the New Yorker combines references to (King) David, Rick Pitino, the value of a well-worked basketball press, Roger Craig, and Lawrence of Arabia, and yet somehow still remains compelling and thought-provoking throughout.

Insurgents, though, operate in real time. Lawrence hit the Turks, in that stretch in the spring of 1917, nearly every day, because he knew that the more he accelerated the pace of combat the more the war became a battle of endurance—and endurance battles favor the insurgent. "And it happened as the Philistine arose and was drawing near David that David hastened and ran out from the lines toward the Philistine," the Bible says. "And he reached his hand into the pouch and took from there a stone and slung it and struck the Philistine in his forehead." The second sentence—the slingshot part—is what made David famous.

But the first sentence matters just as much. David broke the rhythm of the encounter. He speeded it up. "The sudden astonishment when David sprints forward must have frozen Goliath, making him a better target," the poet and critic Robert Pinsky writes in "The Life of David." Pinsky calls David a "point guard ready to flick the basketball here or there." David pressed. That's what Davids do when they want to beat Goliaths.

"How David Beats Goliath: When Underdogs Break the Rules" by Malcolm Gladwell.

The main argument of the piece is that Davids can often defeat Goliaths if the Davids realize that they must substitute sheer effort for a dearth of ability in order to close the gap that exists between themselves and Goliath. This argument is obviously not new to anyone who has seen Rudy, studied the American Revolution, or followed the rise of Microsoft.

What is particularly insightful about Gladwell's argument is that the substitution of effort for ability must be accompanied by a wise application of that effort. The underdog who chooses to put forth all of the effort in the world by continually attacking his opponent's area of strength will often be disappointed at best and destroyed at worst.

This is in stark contrast to the underdog who chooses to put forth all of the effort in the world, but rather than focusing on his opponent's strongholds, instead chooses to center that effort on the weaknesses of Goliath. Gladwell's best example of this point is that Lawrence of Arabia wisely choose not to fight the Turks in fortified cities and instead constantly harassed and harried the Turks at their weakest point, the long exposed rail-lines that connected Medina and Damascus.

I'm not sure where journalism is headed in the next 5, 10, or 20 years, but I have a feeling that there will always be room for this type of challenging, entertaining, and thought-provoking piece.

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Thursday, May 14, 2009

I'm Remembering Distant Memories, Recalling Other Names

Despite the fact that my sister's wedding is on Saturday (a wedding in which I will be participating as a groomsmen), I refused to actually go to a barbershop today for a haircut.

Was this refusal due to any sort of deep-seated attachment to my gorgeous flowing locks or any type of statement that I am attempting to make regarding my opposition to "the man"?

Most certainly not.

Instead, all I really needed was a trim over the ears, a trim in the back, and a little work on my side-burns. After a quick bit of mental calculus, I determined that this amount of repair work did not justify the payment of the current going rate for a haircut in the Greater Tyler Metropolitan Area...which brings me to the idea of the day:

Just as a large number of lawyers work on a billable hour system, why not have barbers work on a billable minute system?

You just need a quick touch-up over the ears that will only take 6 minutes but don't want to pay 12 bones for a full haircut? Guess what, my friend? Under the new billable minute system, you're only paying $4, give or take a few cents. You no longer need to pay full-price for a service that only required a fractional amount of labor.

This will also lead to the possibility of barbers going into full-scale stall mode to drag out the length of haircuts and thereby increase their billable hours. Furthermore, we will finally be freed from a wayward system that charges George Costanza and Fabio the same price for a haircut.

The billable minute system for barbers. With your help, we will succeed in making this dream a reality.

Yes we can, folks. Yes we can.

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

People Said He Was Useless, Them People All Were Fools

I really need to improve at this whole "post-graduation blogging" thing, because at this rate, I'm getting paid more for lower production than (receiver) Roy Williams.

What's that?

Oh, I'm not getting paid for this?

Let's just move along.

You would think that I would come to you today with some sort of deep insight gleaned from the completion of law school, and maybe that is coming at some point in the future, but right now, I come to you, my dear readers, seeking the answer to a question that has troubled me for years. Also, before some of you check out upon seeing that the topic of that question is football, perhaps your insight as a sports outsider will be even more beneficial to solving this conundrum.

Here's the question: When a quarterback "spikes" the ball at the end of the game to stop the clock, why is this not intentional grounding?

Isn't that the very definition of intentional grounding? At least in other situations where the quarterback actually gets called for intentional grounding he, and everyone else around him, is engaging in the process of actually trying to complete, or trying to prevent him from completing, a pass to an eligible receiver.

When the quarterback walks up to the line seeking to stop the clock, takes the snap from the center, and throws the ball directly into the turf at his feet, wouldn't that seem to be the essence of intentional grounding?
Mike Carey, if you're reading this, please bring your insight to bear on this troubling question.

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Friday, May 8, 2009

If I Put It Down, It Gets Extremely Complicated

I could have sworn I heard this rant somewhere in the halls of BLS during the last two weeks, but I think it's a Tom Wolfe original.

From pg. 558 of I Am Charlotte Simmons...

U.S. News & World Report--what a stupid joke! Here is this third-rate news weekly, aimed at businessmen who don't like to read, trying desperately to move up in the race but forever swallowing the dust of Time and Newsweek, and some character dreams up a circulation gimmick: Let's rank the colleges. Let's stir up a fuss. Pretty soon all of American higher education is jumping through hoops to meet the standards of the marketing department of a miserable, low-brow magazine out of Washington, D.C.! Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, Dupont (the fictional college setting for the novel)--all jumped through the hoop at the crack of the U.S. News whip!

Does U.S. News rate you according to how many of the applicants you offer places to actually enroll in your college and not another? Then let's lock in as many as we can through early admissions contracts. Does U.S. News want to know your college's SAT average? We'll give it to them, but we will be "realistic" and not count "special cases"...such as athletes.
Tom Wolfe, you may be guilty of stealing Abraham Lincoln's all-white suit, but you, sir, have your finger on the pulse of the college rankings debate at the beginning of the 21st century.

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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Good Place to Get Some Thinking Done

My friends, the global economy is still fighting to regain its balance after a severe shock, Somali pirates are still frequently attacking vessels in the Indian Ocean, and the world is just coming down off of the high generated by a severe over-reaction to the threat of the swine flu, but all of those problems are simply too small for the German judicial system.

Here's what the German Constitutional Court was up to on Tuesday...

Germany is renowned for fighting inflation, but the battle extends beyond money and into the realm of names. In a split decision on Tuesday, the German Constitutional Court upheld a ban on married people combining already-hyphenated names, forbidding last names of three parts or more.

Somewhere, a recently injured/retired Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutumbo is surely disheartened by this decision and what it means for the "Long Surname" rights movement worldwide.
He was unavailable for comment at the time we went to press.

Current Reading

I Am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe

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Monday, May 4, 2009

The Change, It Had to Come, We Knew It All Along

After about twenty years, I think I might be done with this book learnin'.
Well, at least the book learnin' where you have to pay people instead of getting paid yourself.
Oh yeah, there's also that little thing they like to call "the bar". I'm sure that will be as quick and painless as an impromptu speech from Mike Tyson. At least after the bar, though, both of my ears will still be intact.

I think.

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