When You Meet 'Em, Everyone's a Fool

Part II: My Response to Luke

Ah, law. The world of the disclaimer.

I completely agree with the sentiment about a bit too much introversion being a bad thing. I've noticed that spending a bit too much time in my own world with my head in a book/watching sports/etc. has become an issue since I started law school. I attribute a lot of that to the fact that I've told myself that I made the best friends that I could hope for at ACU (yourself included) and that I would decide to spend my friendship capital on the friends I already had rather than expanding those friendships on a deep level to people in law school. I still feel good about that decision, but I have noticed that I find myself content on a Friday night to sit and read or watch a movie rather than trying to seek out other activities. That's also probably a function of the fact that I feel as though I'm in this transition period before Amanda and I get married and that I know I won't probably spend my free-time in the same way once we get hitched, and that's almost certainly a very good thing.

With all of that said, I know that I need to seek out these opportunities with people to really share myself and make connections, because in the end, that's all we really have in this world. Sounds cliched, but it's true. Most clichés are, I guess.

JTS

Gimme Five, I'm Still Alive, Ain't No Luck, I Learned to Duck

The lady friend and I ventured down to Eleanor Tinsley Park in downtown Houston on Saturday night for some spectacular fireworks at the conclusion of the Freedom over Texas festival.

The fireworks were indeed spectacular, but I may have an actionable claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress against those who organized the soundtrack which accompanied the fireworks.

For the non-lawyer readers of the blog, the tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress has four basic elements in most jurisdictions:

1. Defendant acted intentionally or recklessly;
2. Defendant’s conduct was extreme and outrageous;
   
3. Defendant’s act is the cause of the distress; and
4. Plaintiff suffers severe emotional distress as a result of defendant’s conduct.

Keep those elements in mind as I tell you that at one of the high points of the fireworks display the following song was re-introduced to my consciousness after I thought it had been banished all the way back in 2002.

Anyone know a good lawyer?

Don't Wanna See No Blood, Don't Be a Macho Man

I'm sure the BLS powers-that-be will eventually have this piece of hilarity erased from the interwebs, but this, my friends, is just one of the many reasons that I love Wikipedia:

(From the Wikipedia article for Baylor Law School)

Nationally Ranked Advocacy Program

Taught by the Devil himself, the bedrock of Baylor’s nationally ranked advocacy program is the third-year Practice Court Program, a six-month course required for all third-year students.

Procedure, evidence, and advocacy are the tools of the trial lawyer, and the Practice Court Program is an over-intensive study of these essentials. So essential that Baylor Law is the only school in the country with this program.

Students try multiple lawsuits from beginning to end, ensuring that when they graduate, if they ever make it through this hellish program, they are able to hit the ground running.

My friends, this is what happens in a world where Wikipedia is accessible to a disgruntled current (or former) P.C. student.

I, for one, think such a world is quite enjoyable.

The Change, It Had to Come, We Knew It All Along

After about twenty years, I think I might be done with this book learnin'.

Well, at least the book learnin' where you have to pay people instead of getting paid yourself.

Oh yeah, there's also that little thing they like to call "the bar". I'm sure that will be as quick and painless as an impromptu speech from Mike Tyson. At least after the bar, though, both of my ears will still be intact.

I think.

Did I Forget to Mention Memphis? Home of Elvis and the Ancient Greeks

Since some readers are apparently a bit "sensitive" to my comparison of certain quarterbacks with SEC lineage and impending global pandemics, let's switch topics, my friends.

In the first, and possibly only, edition of "How Law School has ruined my ability to enjoy certain movies, TV shows, and books", I'm going to focus on everyone's favorite cross-examination of the early 90's, Lt. Daniel Kaffee versus Col. Nathan Jessup.

All throughout P.C., Prof. P.C. I, Prof. Evid, and Prof. CivPro constantly reminded us of the perils of asking open-ended questions on cross. If there's anything worse than asking a question you don't already know the answer to, it's probably asking a question which gives the adverse witness an opportunity to get his or her side of the story across to the judge and/or jury.

Well, let's just say that based on the open-ended questions asked by Lt. Kaffee at :11 and :19, he was probably just asking for the diatribe that he received from 1:42 to 2:52. Sure, he somehow against (almost) all odds broke down a Marine Colonel who did multiple combat tours in Vietnam and caused him to admit his guilt to a shocked courtroom, but that's what we call playing with fire, my friends.

Everyone out there, please feel free to share the movies, TV shows, and books that law school has ruined for you.

Note: Many thanks to Tim Goines and Ryan Gregerson for the discussion that sparked this post.

When There's Nothing to Give, How Can You Ask for More?

Since the graduation-type thing is still a week and a half away, I guess today is not technically the end of the law school journey, but the last day of class sure feels like a momentous occasion.

I went back and read my post from the first evening after classes begin in August '06, and I must say, it feels like that scene from the "Why We Fight" episode in Band of Brothers where Sergeant Perconte is talking to Private O'Keefe during their shift at a roadside checkpoint.

Private O'Keefe is fresh off of a transport ship from England. He's excited to be a part of the mission, and all he wants to do is kill some Germans. Private O'Keefe, I would like to introduce to Justin Scott-circa August 2006.

Sergeant Perconte is a little less enthused to be there in Germany, to say the least. Perconte's been in the service for 3 years, and the prospect of the mission has lost a significant part of its luster. More than anything, Sgt. Perconte wants a hot shower, hot chow, and a trip home.
Sgt. Perconte, I believe you recognize Justin Scott-circa April 2009.

To Give You Something to Go On

When you've only been alive for 25 years, it's pretty difficult to make arguments with any kind of historical perspective, but there's this verse in the first chapter of Ecclesiastes that I always tried to latch onto, maybe because it allows me to look at things from a perspective beyond my years.

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

That's why reading Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris makes sense right now. Here's a review that provides a little perspective on the subject matter:

It's 2001. The dot-com bubble has burst and rolling layoffs have hit an unnamed Chicago advertising firm sending employees into an escalating siege mentality as their numbers dwindle. As a parade of employees depart, bankers boxes filled with their personal effects, those left behind raid their fallen comrades' offices, sifting through the detritus for the errant desk lamp or Aeron chair.

Written with confidence in the tricky-to-pull-off first-person plural, the collective fishbowl perspective of the "we" voice nails the dynamics of cubicle culture--the deadlines, the gossip, the elaborate pranks to break the boredom, the joy of discovering free food in the breakroom.

Arch, achingly funny, and surprisingly heartfelt, it's a view of how your work becomes a symbiotic part of your life. A dysfunctional family of misfits forced together and fondly remembered as it falls apart.

Praised as "the Catch-22 of the business world" and "The Office meets Kafka," I'm happy to report that Joshua Ferris's brilliant debut lives up to every ounce of pre-publication hype and instantly became one of my favorite books of the year.

As a third-year law student, it's difficult to read a blog like Above the Law and wonder what all of the layoffs and cutbacks might mean for myself, my classmates, and friends at law schools across the country.

The scale of our current economic problems is by no means confined to the legal profession, but that is simply the sector of the economy whose pulse we are trying to determine on a day to day basis.

Current Reading
Then We Came to the End: A Novel by Joshua Ferris

You Won't Say It Now, but In Your Heart It's Loud

Congratulations to the lovely Ms. Amanda Pierce for correctly naming "All We Are" by OneRepublic as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

I realize I don't normally utilize the ol' blog as a vehicle for detailing my academic career, but since Professor Osler assigned me to a group to "research" powder cocaine as part of his Criminal Practice and Procedure course, I felt compelled to share with you, my dear readers, some of the more colloquial names for powder cocaine so that you can be a more informed member of whatever community you happen to call home.
Without further ado:

• Blow--Real original work here Johnny Depp. Give me some creativity, Capt. Sparrow.
  
• Nose Candy--Coming to an H.E.B. near you, kids!!!!
  
• Powder--And I just thought this was a slightly creepy movie.
  
• Nose Powder
• White Powder--Used most famously by "White Power" Bill of Arrested Development.
• Birdie Powder
• Friskie Powder--The only cat food guaranteed to cause paranoia.
  
• Happy Powder--So that's what Peter Pan and the Lost Boys were up to all that time.
  
• Marching Powder
  
• Bolivian Marching Powder--I think I actually put some of this in my chili last week.
• Joy Powder--I think one of my friends dated Joy Powder at ACU.
• Powder Diamonds--I actually worked my way up to skiing a couple of these last time I was in Colorado.
• Star Spangled Powder--You too, Francis Scott Key??? Is anything sacred? Does this mean Fort McHenry was actually a crack-house? So many questions.
  
• Aspirin--Wait a second here...
• Aunt--I don't even have a joke here because this one makes absolutely no sense.
• Candy Sugar--Does the same exact thing to your stomach as Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola.
• Devil's Dandruff-Someone get Mephistpholes some Head and Shoulders for goodness sake.
• Fast White Lady--Danica Patrick, if you take this as your new nick-name, I want credit.
• Flake--I'm on to you, Jack Johnson. You drug fiend.
• Flave--Sold with a complimentary viking helmet and clock necklace.
• Shake
• Shrile
• Snowball-A large number of catowners do powder cocaine. A large number of cats are named "Snowball". Mere Coincidence? You decide.
• Soft
• Sugar Boogers--My personal favorite.
  
• Pariba--I think this is the website Dan Carlson writes for but you can never be too sure.
• Tornado--So that's how they paid Bill Pullman and Helen Hunt.
• Uptown--Perhaps Billy Joel wasn't actually writing about a girl. Hmmmm.
• White Boy
• White Dragon--I had some great sesame chicken at White Dragon once.
• Wicky Stick--The best selling Christmas gift in 1987.
• Yao--So that's how a Chinese guy ends up at 7 ft. 6 in.

Moving Pictures Helped Us Get Through September

I'm probably not going to have nearly as much to say about this case as Prof. CrimPro or Prof. Osler, but the decision from the SCOTUS today in Herring v. United States is an interesting one:

Mr. Herring had gone to the Coffee County, Ala., sheriff’s department on July 7, 2004, to retrieve something from his truck, which had been impounded.

Mark Anderson, an investigator for the sheriff’s department, who asked a Coffee County clerk if there were any outstanding warrants for Mr. Herring. No, Mr. Anderson was told. So he asked the clerk to check with her counterpart in neighboring Dale County, who turned up a warrant against Mr. Herring for failing to appear in court on a felony charge.


Mr. Anderson and a deputy following Mr. Herring as he left the impound lot pulled him over and arrested him. A search turned up methamphetamine in his pocket and a pistol, which Mr. Herring could not legally possess because of an earlier felony conviction, in his truck.

Within minutes, however, the Dale County clerk discovered that the warrant against Mr. Herring had been withdrawn five months earlier and had been left in the computer system by mistake. The clerk immediately called Mr. Anderson, but Mr. Herring had already been taken into custody.

Was Mr. Herring entitled to go free because the officers lacked probable cause and there was no dispute that both the arrest and subsequent search were unconstitutional? No, the Supreme Court ruled.

“When police mistakes leading to an unlawful search are the result of isolated negligence attenuated from the search, rather than systemic error or reckless disregard of constitutional requirements, the exclusionary rule does not apply,” Chief Justice Roberts wrote.

I Put Your World Into My Veins

Yesterday, during my time as a witness in a mini-trial, Prof. CivPro presented the definitive quote regarding the Practice Court experience at Baylor Law:
"You gotta get out there and swim in the deep water. You can't be afraid of drowning. In the real world, you might drown. Here, you can't actually drown. Here, this is just waterboarding."

While I Was Watching You Did a Slow Dissolve

Congratulations to Mr. Jesse Davis of Intentional Self-Infliction of Emotional Distress and Ms. Nina Patterson for correctly naming "Porch Song" by Widespread Panic as the Thursday Song of the Day.

As I trudge through this quarter of P.C., it's often tempting to wallow in self-pity, but every so often I receive these reminders that life could be worse.

In fact, I could be this Clemson football fan.

A Pair of Tennis Shoes to Last Through May

Congratulations to Mr. Jacob George Straub, known to one and all simply as "Chicago", for correctly naming "Pencil Thin Mustache" by Jimmy Buffett as the Tuesday Song of the Day.

Additionally, Chicago took the time to inform me that his bountiful knowledge of Buffett lyrics is derived from the fact that he and Jimmy are fraternity brothers, Kappa Sigma to be specific. I guess I can't make any claims to fraternity brotherhood with famous songwriters for 2 reasons:

1. I wasn't really in what you kids might call a "fraternity".

2. Chris Jacobs hasn't written any great music yet.

These Things We Cannot Change

Congratulations to Mr. Dan Carlson for correctly naming "Rain King" by Counting Crows as the Song of the Day from August 21st.

Not that you've been terribly troubled by my absence, but I'm currently laying low in the blogosphere throughout the seminal Baylor Law experience known simply as "P.C." Look for some longer posts on weekends and possible short snippets during the week. Other than that, the archives might have to sate your need for Running Down the Dream goodness for the foreseeable future.

Current Reading

Against All Enemies: Inside America's War on Terror by Richard A. Clarke

You'll Come Back Again and I'll Still Be Your Friend

Congratulations to Mrs. Ashley Tuggle and Mr. Stephen Olson a.k.a. "Richtoria's Secret" for both naming "The Last Stop" by the Dave Matthews Band as the Sunday Song of the Day.

Also, I'm very glad to announce the mysterious "Know Limit Soldier" as the victor of this week's Caption Contest for his or her (I'm equal opportunity) submission of: "A rare glimpse of a Gator without its jean shorts" in response to the photo of Tim "Urban Meyer's Meal Ticket" Tebow holding a small Caucasian child like a pigskin.

That's the winning formula, folks. Jorts jokes regarding Florida Gators fans equal instant success. For further proof, I simply typed in the innocuous phrase "Gators Fan Jorts" into Google Image Search and the masterpiece above was displayed before my very eyes. It's not the theory of relativity or anything, ladies and gentlemen. Again, thanks to everyone for your entries and please participate next week.

Furthermore, I've heard the cries of the female readers (I assume) of Running Down a Dream, and I'll do what I can to arrange a special appearance by my apparently "hot" cousin at Baylor Law sometime in the next year. No guarantees though, ladies. I think he's dating someone.

Take Every Chance You Dare

If you see me walking around in the next few days rubbing my eyes, it's probably because I'm suffering from culture shock within my own state. Truth be told, it has nothing to do with the perceived inherent superiority of one situation to another, but in the past few days, I've made more rapid transition than the sales of Mrs. Pacman arcade games in the wake of Adam Jones's latest name related announcement.

This time a week ago, I was enjoying the finer things in life. Lunch at a great restaurant? No problem. Exciting events on the social calendar multiple nights per week? The usual. Doing anything more physically strenuous than lifting a coffee cup? Not likely.

This week?

Well, let's just say things have changed quite rapidly. If there were a song to describe my journey from Houston to the Rose Capitol of America, it is undoubtedly "From the Ritz to the Rubble" by the Arctic Monkeys. Granted, the song never actually uses those words, but the title is incredibly prescient.

Today instead of going to work on the 20th floor of the second tallest building in Texas, I drove with my Dad to work at a company of about 10. We loaded and unloaded rebar, we moved brush, and we sweated more than I thought was humanly possible. As much as I might have been tempted to wonder what in the world I was doing moving steel in the middle of an East Texas afternoon, I remembered a line from Kipling's great poem "If".

"If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same..."

This is not to say that the position in Houston was an absolute triumph or that my job here in Tyler is an absolute disaster. Instead, what I believe Kipling was striving to convey is the idea of constancy and contentment. The ability to learn from whatever situation you find yourself in on a given day. The understanding that even though I'm training to be an attorney, a little manual labor for a few weeks is going to make me a better man.

Your Destiny May Keep You Warm

Congratulations to Mr. Ben Grant for correctly naming "Kissing the Lipless" by The Shins as the Friday Song of the Day.

The past few days have been quite busy going from Tyler to Abilene on Friday (to see my sister graduate. Congrats once again, Katie), Abilene to Belton on Saturday, and Belton to Houston yesterday. As you can see from the map located below, I'm going to be in enemy territory for the next 6 weeks, but as I told some friends last night at dinner, in the vein of the immortal "Summer of George" on Seinfeld, I'm declaring this the "Summer of Open-Mindedness".
Does that mean I'm committed to even entertaining the idea that I might become a 'Stros fan? Absolutely not. Would you respect me if decided to think about becoming an Osama Bin Laden fan either? I don't think so.

Overboard?

Possibly.

Am I taking it back under any circumstances?

Absolutely not.

Finally, I'm pleased to announce that fellow ACU alum and BLS co-conspirator Andrew Tuegel has returned to the blogosphere with No Genuine Issue of Material Fact. All of you will fondly remember that Mr. Tuegel formerly regaled the interwebs with his writings at Andrew in D.C., but after entering law school, Andrew has decided to enter the realm of summary judgment humor and English Premier League analysis.

If you can't laugh at that, well, I just don't know what to tell you.

I'm Here Eating Up the Boredom on an Island of Cement

The Dean of University Libraries sent out an informative email earlier today regarding library protocol and procedure for study time during undergrad finals later this month.

The assorted Baylor Libraries will feature:

• Areas classified as “nature film narrator quiet.” What does that mean? If you need to talk, do so in hushed tones; find somewhere else for group study; and if your cell phone vibrates, please take it to the lobby to have your conversation.
  
• Areas designated as “monastery quiet” study space. We’ll do our best to patrol this floor, but please feel free to politely “shush” your neighbors when we’re not around.
• Areas for individual and collaborative study. Please be respectful of others and help us keep it sort of “nice restaurant quiet” in those spaces so everyone can get their work done.

I'm not sure where the "nature film narrator quiet", "monastery quiet", and "nice restaurant quiet" taxonomy was established, but I'm fully in favor of it.

If we're using this system, the main floor of the library at ACU would have been classified "Main trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange" quiet, and the entirety of the Baylor Law Library would be classified as "Continue speaking loudly and I'll invite you to wear concrete shoes into the Brazos" quiet.

Step Out the Front Door Like a Ghost Into the Fog

A Mighty Wind blew through Running Down a Dream today, and that wind goes by the name of the T.J. Hooper. You might know him a bit better as Mr. Andrew Shipp. In one of those ideas that seemed passably funny at the time, a fellow law student and I nicknamed Mr. Shipp "The T.J. Hooper" after a famous tugboat that was the subject of a case in Torts I.

Did you see what we did there?

Tugboat=Shipp.

Um, let's just move on from my memories of past failed attempts at humor.

As I said earlier, congratulations to Mr. Shipp for naming "Glycerine" by Bush as the Monday Song of the Day and "Up on Cripple Creek" by The Band as the Wednesday Song of the Day. I'll forgive all of you for not recognizing "Wishlist" by Pearl Jam as the Tuesday Song of the Day. You almost certainly saw photos depicting the Beautiful Game and closed your browser faster than Eliot Spitzer closed out his political career.* I can understand such a visceral reaction to the soccer photos, but I cannot forgive it, my dear readers.

Current Reading

Empire Falls by Richard Russo

*That's the last Spitzer joke. I think.

It Makes Me Feel So Fine I Can't Control My Brain

Congratulations to Mr. Andrew Tuegel for correctly naming "Read My Mind" by The Killers as the Friday Song of the Day. Sam's Town may have been a sophomore slump for the Las Vegas-quartet, but "Read My Mind" is everything that I love about the Killers rolled into one tune.

Perhaps some of you out there scoffed at the legal system when the D.C.-based administrative law judge sued the Mom and Pop* Korean dry cleaners for tens of millions after they allegedly lost his pants. Some of you also scratched your heads when a federal inmate sued his fellow federal inmate, the infamous Michael Vick, for allegedly aiding and abetting the subversive activities of Al Qaeda, but a suit filed recently in the U.S. District Court in Honolulu may take the proverbial cake in the realm of legal oddities.

"Asking a Judge to Save the World, and Maybe a Whole Lot More" by Dennis Overbye in today's New York Times.

More fighting in Iraq. Somalia in chaos. People in this country can’t afford their mortgages and in some places now they can’t even afford rice.

None of this nor the rest of the grimness on the front page today will matter a bit, though, if two men pursuing a lawsuit in federal court in Hawaii turn out to be right. They think a giant particle accelerator that will begin smashing protons together outside Geneva this summer might produce a black hole or something else that will spell the end of the Earth — and maybe the universe.

Scientists say that is very unlikely — though they have done some checking just to make sure. The world’s physicists have spent 14 years and $8 billion building the Large Hadron Collider, in which the colliding protons will recreate energies and conditions last seen a trillionth of a second after the Big Bang. Researchers will sift the debris from these primordial recreations for clues to the nature of mass and new forces and symmetries of nature.

But Walter L. Wagner and Luis Sancho contend that scientists at the European Center for Nuclear Research, or CERN, have played down the chances that the collider could produce, among other horrors, a tiny black hole, which, they say, could eat the Earth. Or it could spit out something called a “strangelet” that would convert our planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of something called “strange matter.” Their suit also says CERN has failed to provide an environmental impact statement as required under the National Environmental Policy Act.

This quarter in Natural Resources Protection and Water Law, we've frequently discussed that the National Environmental Policy Act is an effective tool for environmental protection groups that want to counteract forestry operations in southeast Texas, increased cruise ship traffic in Glacier Bay, Alaska, or mining in Montana, but using it as a tool to put the brakes on a super-collider (operated by a European research institute in Geneva no less) that will allegedly create earth consuming black holes?

Me thinks someone has been watching a bit too much Lost.

Current Reading

The Memory of Running by Ron McLarty

*Not to be confused with the Mom and Pop shoe-repair shop that Kramer ruins on Seinfeld after noticing that their wiring is faulty.

I Won't Miss Those Things That I Left Behind

Current Reading

The special information which lawyers derive from their studies insures them a separate rank in society, and they constitute a sort of privileged body in the scale of intellect. This notion of their superiority perpetually recurs to them in the practice of their profession: they are the masters of a science which is necessary, but which is not very generally known: they serve as arbiters between the citizens; and the habit of directing to their purpose the blind passion of parties in litigation, inspires them with a certain contempt for the judgment of the multitude.

Add to this, that they naturally constitute a body; not by any previous understanding, or by an agreement which directs them to a common end; but the analogy of their studies and the uniformity of their methods connect their minds together, as a common interest might unite their endeavors. Some of the tastes and habits of the aristocracy may consequently be discovered in the characters of lawyers. They participate in the same instinctive love of order and formalities; and they entertain the same repugnance to the actions of the multitude, and the same secret contempt of the government of the people...

From Pg. 123 of Alexis De Tocqueville's Democracy in America