I Belong Anywhere But In Between

Brian Collins, he of "And Boom Goes the Dynamite" fame, is now a sportscaster at KXXV Channel 25 in Waco.

"Scott Drew...not looking happy with Bears' play right now...AND BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE."

Also, it bears mentioning that Collins is likely the second-most famous Ball State alum in the world of broadcasting, but he still falls well short of #1: the one, the only, David Letterman.

I've Been Here Before and I Deserve a Little More

LeRoi Moore (1961-2008): R.I.P.

LeRoi Moore, the versatile saxophonist whose signature staccato fused jazz and funk overtones onto the eclectic sound of the Dave Matthews Band, died Tuesday of complications from injuries he suffered in an all-terrain vehicle accident, the band said. He was 46.

"Dave Matthews Band sax player LeRoi Moore Dies"--Raquel Maria Dillon of the Washington Post.

Also, Dan Carlson adds his thoughts on Moore's death here.

Why Don't You Invite Me In?

Congratulations to Mr. Andrew Tuegel for correctly naming "Running to Stand Still" by U2 as the Tuesday Song of the Day.

Rangers center-fielder, and the true 2008 Homerun Derby Champion, Josh Hamilton may or may not win the American League M.V.P. this year, but given the enormity of the honor he recently received, I doubt he's too concerned.
Am I referring to the fact that Cincinnati Reds' supporters lamented the fact that they were losing "Roy Hobbs" when they traded Hamilton to the Rangers last year in exchange for pitcher Edison Volquez? Trust me, it's a true honor to be referenced in the same breath as the man who swung the "Savoy Special", but despite those lofty words, Hamilton will be remembered for one thing:

The Hambino Sandwich

Next time you're out at the ballpark, you'll have a chance to purchase a new item for sale: the Hambino Sandwich, named after Rangers All-Star outfielder Josh Hamilton, of course.

The sandwich: Grilled, crispy French bread, filled with thinly sliced baked ham, topped with sauteed onions, provolone and spicy pepper-jack cheeses, finished with a creamy Dijon mustard sauce. They just brought samples around the press box. It's really good.

All for the price of $8.75. For the rest of the season, you can purchase the sandwich in Section 27.--Brandon George of the Rangers Blog at the Dallas Morning News.

If there's anyone who can evaluate the merits of food, it's sportswriters.

Under Black Belly of Cloud in the Rain

Congratulations to Mr. Joseph R. Halbert for correctly naming "The Story" by Brandi Carlile as the Monday Song of the Day. To preserve my masculinity, but perhaps not my (perceived) insider status, I first heard the song on the GM commercial playing non-stop during the Olympics and not during Grey's Anatomy.

In an event that has been sorely missed by readers young and old, the Running Down a Dream Caption Contest returns today with the fury of a thousand suns, or at least 15 Chinese female gymnasts.
My submission: "After being notified that slingshot had again not received approval as an officially sanctioned Olympic sport, a member of the potential Bolivian squad takes a potshot at the International Olympic Committee headquarters."

As always, place your submissions in the comments section, and may the best man/woman/child win. The Caption Contest runs through Sunday, August 24th.

*Actual Caption: An anti-government demonstrator uses a slingshot during a strike at the Che Guevara street in the popular quarter "Plan 3000" in Santa Cruz, August 19, 2008. Provinces of Santa Cruz, Beni, Pando, Tarija and Chuquisaca called for general strikes demanding autonomy from the central government of President Evo Morales and a greater cut of the country's booming energy revenues. REUTERS/David Mercado (BOLIVIA).

I Cross Over Lines and I Broke All the Rules

Congratulations to Mr. Andrew Tuegel for correctly naming "Warehouse" by the Dave Matthews Band as the Song of the Day for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Them's the rules, folks. If a song is not named, the lyrics carry over until someone rises to the challenge. It's a bit like the Skins Game, except for the fact that at the Skins Game already wealthy golfers increase their wealth and here, well, let's just say that there's not a lot of wealth development happening as a result of victory in the Song of the Day Contest.

Here's the question of the day, ladies and gentlemen: Has anyone out there in the blogosphere seen The Pineapple Express yet*? If so, do you recommend it? Thumbs Up? Thumbs Down?


The more perceptive readers will note that I am actually waiting for you to spend your hard-earned money on a hit or miss proposition before I spend my hard-earned money on what is hopefully not a hit or miss proposition. It may seem sinister, it may seem coldly calculating, but in reality, it's just an application of the tools in front of me. In a paraphrase of Newman from Seinfeld fame, "When you control the (blog), you control...information."

*For the benefit of the Texas Board of Law Examiners, no, I do not smoke marijuana, nor have I have ever, in the words of Bill Clinton, "inhaled".

Be Sure to Leave All the Lights On

In the course of human history, it is a rare privilege to be present when paradigm-shifting events take place.

From time to time, all of us wonder what it would have been like to watch Gutenberg build his printing press, to peer over the shoulder of Jefferson as he penned the Declaration of Independence, or to have done large amounts of drugs with the Beatles as they recorded Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Well, my friends, today is just such a day. On this glorious occasion, I begin my personal quest to have "The Star Spangled Banner" replaced as the American National Anthem with "America the Beautiful", and not just any version of "America the Beautiful", ladies and gentlemen. No, no, no. My proposal is that the American National Anthem will now, and forevermore, be "America the Beautiful" as sung by the one and only Ray Charles.

Join the Revolution, my comrades.

It will be televised.

Well, at least by YouTube.

My Love, I Love to Stay Here

Long kept a family secret, the overalls-clad, straw-chewing Kentuckian first entered the public spotlight in July, when he drove his 1982 Ford flatbed pickup through the press corps at an Obama rally in order to inform his brother that he caught the skunk that had been living under his front porch. According to witnesses, Cooter's skunk proceeded to spray Washington Post political reporter Michael D. Shear in the face.

"Obama's Hillbilly Half-Brother Threatening to Derail Campaign" from The Onion.

Hard to Believe An End to It

For those of you who have not yet succumbed to the Black Hole of Productivity that is Facebook, a photographic collection of my journeys is now yours for 3 easy payments (and in the vein of Mitch Hedberg, one really complicated payment) of $19.95.

Ah, who am I kidding? They're free. How could I ever do anything as sinister as taking your hard-earned dollars when you could be spending them on essentials, particularly Jonas Brothers albums. You know, if you enjoy their music or something like that, but I digress.

• Pictures from Pikes Peak, Grand Teton, and Yellowstone can be found here.
• Photos from Yellowstone and Arches National Parks can be found here.
• Finally, photos from Arches National Park are located here.
  

The Premier League season begins tomorrow, my friends. Please gargle salt-water before bed to ensure that your pipes are prepared for tomorrow's singing of "You'll Never Walk Alone".

That's Our Blood Down There, Seems Pulled From the Hands of Angels

New stories you might have missed in the last week...

• Wall Arch, which fell late Sunday/early Monday of this week has actually been repaired by wake generated by Michael Phelps. WHILE HE WAS STILL IN BEIJING.
• Contrary to press reports, Michael Phelps, not French President Nicolas Sarkozy, brokered a peace deal between Russia and Georgia. Apparently Phelps forced indomitable Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin to listen to his (Phelps) pre-race iPod playlist which is composed solely of Barry Manilow's "Mandy", "I Write the Songs", and "Copacabana". Putin, according to reports, pulled out the earbuds midway through the first tune and complained of "intense discomfort".
  
• Apparently neither of the much ballyhooed Chinese girls actually sang "Hymn to the Motherland" at the Opening Ceremony last Friday night. Instead, Phelps recorded the tune in a karaoke session during the U.S. Training Camp earlier this year. WHILE UNDERWATER.
• T. Boone Pickens has announced that in light of the recent performance by Michael Phelps, he is scrapping the entire "Pickens Plan" and is instead converting the United States to a completely hydroelectric power system which will run on the legendary Phelps "dolphin-kick".
  
• In the past two days Phelps has written the acceptance speeches for John McCain, Barack Obama, Bob Barr, and Ralph Nader. Complaining that he needed a "challenge", he brokered a permanent cease-fire between the Crips and Bloods, discovered why there is no Betty Rubble in Flintstones Vitamins, and forever forced Nancy Grace off of television.
• Oh, I should also mention that he did a little swimming.
  

Every Man and Woman Get Alive

I suppose I should cue up some sort of entrance music, but in lieu of any musical accompaniment there's only one thing to say:

Much like the Russian Army to Georgia, I have returned with a vengeance, my friends.

I kid, I kid, but nonetheless, after a week in Mexico and a week and a half exploring the American West, I'm back in the Lone Star State and ready for that third and final year of law school to start on the 25th.

Here's what to look for in the next few days:

• Grand Teton, Yellowstone, and Arches National Park Re-caps (Woooooooooo!!!)
• Liverpool's Champions League qualifying campaign begins today and the Premier League season begins on Saturday at Sunderland. Prepare your comments of derision in advance.
• The Texas Rangers: The Most Entertaining Baseball Team that Will Almost Certainly Not Make the Playoffs?
• Chinese Female Gymnasts: Olympic Champions or the Target Audience for Dora the Explorer?
• Michael Phelps: Better Than Mark Spitz, or, more importantly, Better Than Everyone? Ever? Yes, even YOU.
• John McCain and Barack Obama: Which Candidate has Successfully Integrated the Most Wind-Turbines Into His Campaign Commercials? Which Candidate Will Be the First to Ride a Wind Turbine in Tribute to the Deranged Pilot in Dr. Strangelove?