Wednesday, April 27, 2005

It's You When I Look in the Mirror, It's You When I Don't Pick Up the Phone

I imagine that heaven will be something like sitting in Abuelo's eating all the fajitas you want. It will be something like that I am sure. It was so great to be able relax last night and enjoy dinner with all the guys who played in the game and to remember that we were able to participate in something incredible. Something that extends beyond softball, world records that will be broken by someone else one day, and also simply raising money.

When I began to think about it, we were able to transcend excuses and stereotypes. How often does that happen? When people think of college students, they think of people who have no money, and when they do ask for money, it always goes to "laundry" or paying rent. It never seems to go towards anything that has eternal consequences. Through the act of raising money for Habitat, we were able to give a family something that we consider one of the basic needs of the human race, shelter. Now, a family will not have to worry about living somewhere that is either too small or is too dilapidated. The amazing thing is that a group of college guys was able to participate in that in some small way. It floors me.

Current Listening: "The Colour and The Shape" by Foo Fighters.

Jeff and I were talking yesterday as we rode to Abuelo's about how amazing these past few months have been. They have not been devoid of challenge or hardship, and I think that they have been so memorable because of those things. There are so many people that I have become close to this semester that it amazes me that I have not known them since high school. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, that is what reminds me God is real. I see how people love, I see how people reach out above and beyond their personal means and comfort levels, and I know that something more than physiology is driving them. When I was younger, people would always ask me how I saw God the best. I heard others talk about nature, prayer, or music, but I always said the people around me.

At times it seems incredibly hard to believe that I see God in all of the fallability of mankind, but perhaps that is why I see it in people the most. When people realize that they are not perfect, but choose to live and love in spite of that, I see God. When people stand up in the face of hatred, injustice, or even just apathy, I see God.

Monday, April 25, 2005

I'm Never Gonna Leave Lemon Grove Avenue

As I was finishing up last night's post, Heather called to say that there was a group of people going to the Iceburgh (Lance, Brandon, Garrett, and Will's house for the uninitiated) to watch "Hotel Rwanda."

The amazing thing about this is I had just been reading about Paul Rusesabagina, the central figure of the film, in We Wish to Inform You. I had wanted to see the film when it originally came out in theaters, but for various reasons that did not happen. I resist using the word exicted about viewing a movie with such subject matter, but there was great deal of anticipation on my part.

For those of you who do not know Rusesabagina's story, I will not tell the details here, but I would like to comment on the movie and the work of Terry George. As the director, George did an incredible thing showing Paul as a man who did not go about performing extraordinary acts of heroism, but as a man who did the ordinary in extraordinary circumstances. Paul took in orphans, cared for his family, and stood up to those who sought to oppress others. I think this can be the most powerful message to those who watch the movie and wonder "what can I do? "

We do not have to go about the world individually eradicating injustice and suffering, but we can do our part in our small section of the world. Again, doing the ordinary in extraordinary circumstances. The work of Christ in this world is not anything that is beyond what we can do when we have been empowered by him, and to see someone like Paul Rusesabagina commit himself to small acts of service in order to do his part in a revolution of love was inspiring.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

A Liquid Solution, A Chemical Fusion, All I Can Dream of Is You

One of my favorite things about this year has been the chance to sit by sister in church. We are both very busy and do not get to see each other a lot during the week, but we have been able to sit by each other during worship and share a very special time together.

Tonight as I continue reading We Wish to Inform You... by Gourevtich, I am struck again by the seeming impossibility of the depths of human hatred and cruelty. In the beginning of the book, Gourevitch talks about the historical setting that set the place for the 1994 genocide, and describes the level of systematic planning and propaganda that led Tutsis in Rwanda to be labeled as "cockroaches" by the ruling Hutu majority. The Hutu leadership of Rwanda even went as far as to craft fake acts by Tutsis revolutionaries in order to massacres hundreds of thousands of Tutsis. They went through the process of forcing everyone in the country to register with the government according to their ethnic background. This registration was later used to go from city to city, neighborhood to neighborhood, and house to house systematically slaughtering Tutsis and Hutus who opposed the rule of a tyrannical regime.

We have no conception of what this would be like in America, and maybe that is how we can still only imagine what happened there in our deepest nightmares. It flies in the face of all of our post-modern tendencies to believe that people in a reasonable world could be capable of that kind of hatred towards each other but it was only 11 years ago. What is more, it is still going on today. Mike Cope spoke this morning at church about being overwhelmed by the enormity of injustice and darkness in our world. We sit here in our comfort and are shocked, but we ask "What could I possibly do?"

I think the first step is an awakening that I believe we are currently experiencing in the world at large, and more specifically in Churches of Christ. We are aware that our mission is not to bring people to church, but to go out into the world. I am not sure what everyone is talking about when they describe a church as being "missional", but it seems to be what Jesus was about.

I would love to write more, but I am about to go watch "Hotel Rwanda." I am sure there will be more about this in the days to come.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

The Sun is Coming Up on the Ocean

It is hard to believe that this semester and this year at school are almost over. This has been the best semester that I have ever had at ACU. It has also seemed like the longest one. So many of the people that I am so close to now are people that I only really started to get to know this semester, but it feels like I have known them forever.

Current Listening: "Being There" by Wilco.

These past 5-6 months have been a time of tremendous growth for me. If someone would have told me back then that I would be at this point and with the people I am with now, I never would have believed them, but perhaps that is why I am not in charge. I would silently scoff when people throw out the cliche "things will work out for the best", but they have. So many of the people that I have met this semester, so many of the things I have been involved in, and so many of the things that I have learned have come together without my will or knowledge. The road seems impeccably prepared.

There have been many significant events in my life this semester, but I think the marathon has come to mean the most. Through a process of commitment and devotion to a singular task, I was able to see results. The marathon became much more than a single event on a single day, but a way that I looked at life. I focused on what I ate, how much I slept, what the weather conditions were on a given day, and other things that I had not really spent much energy on in the past. Everything began to relate to training and the upcoming race.

As I stand now, with 2 months of perspective after the race, I wonder about what this kind of devotion could mean in other parts of my life. When I make the analogy of marathon training to my faith training, I come up woefully short. Do I consider every action or deed in terms of its impact on my faith and spiritual well-being? Do I take into account whether certain things are going to bring my closer to God or further from him? The work of becoming a disciple is not simply working for a single race on a single day, but looking at the world in an entirely different way, and considering things that once seemed irrelevant.

Friday, April 22, 2005

A Vision That Was Planted in My Brain Still Remains

I don't think that life can get much better than walking out of chapel on a Friday surrounded by your friends, knowing that the sun is shining outside and school is almost out.

Probably the best decision that I have made so far in college was to pledge Gamma Sigs. I know that there are people out there who are social club detractors, and I can understand their reasons, but for it has been a truly life-changing experience for me. It has been of the first times in my life that I have truly been able to learn what it is to be part of something that is much bigger than myself. I know that people like Cole Griffith, Jeff McCain, Jon Bruner, Brandon Maenius, Jordan Gay, and others will be there when I get married, they will be the ones I call when my children are born, and I will call them when I am in very dark places during my life. I feel this kind of connection because I have been carried by these men and they have carried me. At the end of last semester and at the beginning of this one, when I did not know where I was going to go or who I could be vulnerable with, they were there and I will never forget that.

On a less serious note, today I was able to get Maurice Ager (Basketball Star from Michigan State), Erik Ainge (Nephew of Danny and Univ. of Tenn. QB), and Lee Melchionni (Duke Basketball Player) to be my friends on Facebook. I am still looking to reel in the big fish of J.J. Redick, but we shall see.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Now I'm a Part of You

Today, I will begin with a Top 5 list: Top 5 Funniest Things about Insanity for Humanity

5. Demetrius swinging a baseball bat.
4. Cole Griff's tan/sunburn/melanoma
3.Shane Spencer becoming Scuba Steve
2.The Saller vs. Girod Feud
1. Cole Griff and The Mayor bringing hilarity to a new level with statements like "Rhetorical Theories of the Renessaince." This was probably the ultimate "you had to be there" moment.


One of the best things that has happened in the last week besides trying to recover sleep loss has been the resumption of reading for no other reason besides personal pleasure. I ordered about 5 books from Amazon about two weeks ago and they all started coming in about 5 days ago. I ordered We Wish to Inform You that Tomorrow We Will be Killed with Our Families-Stories from Rwanda by Philip Gourevitch, Fight Club by Chuck Pahalinuk, You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers, Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer, and Endurance: Ernest Shackleton's Antarctic Voyage by an author whose name I have forgotten at the moment. I am sure that this author is incredibly angry at the moment. If I wrote an entire book and some jerk like me could not remember my name, I would be pretty hacked off as well, but I digress.

Current Listening: "White Ladder" by David Gray.

I read Fight Club during Insanity for Humanity, which was probably not the best thing to do since the book is so subversive and wickedly funny. While you are reading the book, you begin to question everything and wonder what you have become enslaved to. Many may despise the book and movie for their graphic violence, but the message is undeniable. We have bought into a consumer culture and lifestyle that promises happiness and perfection, but even when that culture says we should be complete, there is still something missing at the core. In order to find out what is missing, you have to deconstruct and destroy your entire world. The book ends with the complete destruction of the narrator's life before he is able to put the brakes on a life that has no brakes, but the point that I draw is to always be aware of things that truly give happiness and joy and the things that only purport to give those things.

Yesterday, I began to read We Wish to Inform You by Philip Gourevitch. I don't know if I have anticipated reading a book this much in a long time. I hesitate to use the word excited simply because of the subject matter, but reading reviews and talking to people who have the read the book, I think it is going to be a powerful and harrowing experience. I normally don't quote from books at length on here, but a section in the first chapter struck a chord yesterday as I began reading.

"Like Leontius, the young Athenian in Plato, I presume that you are reading this because you desire a closer look, and that you, too, are properly disturbed by your curiosity. Perhaps, in examining this extremity with me, you hope for some understanding, some insight, some flicker of self-knowledge-a moral, or a lesson, or a clue about how to behave in this world: some such information. I don't discount the possibility, but when it comes to genocide, you already know right from wrong. The best reason I have come up with for looking closely into Rwanda's stories is that ignoring them makes me even more uncomfortable about existence and my place in it. The horror, as horror interests me only insofar as a precise memory of the offense is necessary to understand its legacy."

Monday, April 18, 2005

I've Got Soul, but I'm not a Soldier

It seems that posts on weekends have become increasingly rare. This semester has probably been the most enjoyable that I have had so far in college, but also one of the busiest. Next weekend will probably be the first one since before Sing Song that I have not had anything to do, but you never know.

Insanity for Humanity was an incredible experience. I am still trying to recover my sleeping equilibrium. That will probably be a very gradual process that will take a few days. The critical point for me came after my second 4 hour shift. It ended at 10 a.m. on Friday morning, and represented the completion of 1/5th of the game. At that point, I realized that softball was becoming very monotonous and I still had 22 hours in which I would be on the field. As I tried to sleep in one of the tents in "Shanty Town", I decided that the only way I was going to make it was by breaking the game into each shift that I would play and rest. When we regularly go through our days, the idea of 60 hours or days does not seem impossibly huge, but when those sixty hours are filled with the same 3 tasks: eating, sleeping, and playing softball, they become daunting.

I know that there are moments in the game that I will never forget, and I have an incredible bond with guys like Shane Spencer, Jordan Gay, Danny Echols, Cole Griffith, Jon Bruner, and Kevin Stone that we will share for a long time. The only bad part was that since only two groups could be on the field during a rotation, we really only got to hang out with half of the guys that played. When the other team was on the field, we had obviously filled our personal need for watching softball, so we either slept or hung out with people who came out to watch. Jeff and I were talking about the fact that we both played in the game, we were both on Team Humanity, but that we were never on the field at the same time, and had to be reminded that each of us played. If anyone was wondering about the final score: Team Humanity won by the score of 729-568 over Team Insanity. Cody Blair is the winner of the contest with a pretty good guess of Team Humanity over Insanity by the score of 678-615. Congrats Cody, you win a signed picture of me playing the game in my flight suit.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

It's Been Burnin' Since the World's Been Turnin'

Well, today is the day. The Insanity begins tonight at 10 p.m. We have 40 guys split into two teams: Team Insanity and Team Humanity. Then, we split each team into rotation groups of 10 players. For instance on Team Insanity there is a Group A and Group B with 10 players each. When we begin play, Group A from Team Insanity will play Group A from Team Humanity for four hours and then we will switch and Group B from Team Insanity will play Group B from Team Humanity for 4 hours. If that was incredibly convoluted, I am sorry.

One of my favorite silly things about the game is that we have to keep stats for propriety and the record. I have no idea what the final score is going to be, but I will give out a small prize for the person who has the closest guess. If you are able to come out this weekend to watch it will be a lot of fun. In addition to the game, there will be carnival with face-painting, a dunking booth (with selected ACU faculty and staff), bands playing at night, and a gigantic moon-jump. This has been such a huge undertaking, and I think it is going to be amazing.

In this entire event, there has been a kind of inner circle of guys who had the dream from the beginning and have just run with it. The defining moment came one night when it was just Patrick, Dave, Cole, and I in Walling talking about the game and what made us the most excited/afraid about the game. Something that Dave said has stuck with me. He said that we have to look at each other and decide that we would forgive each other no matter what happened. Even if the event is a complete failure, even if no one shows up, and even if we do not raise any money. That was the proverbial "Crossing of the Rubicon" moment and it was incredibly liberating. No longer did we work with the fear of failure as our motivation, but instead we looked at all of the amazing things that God was doing through something as simple as a softball game.

I don't think that I am ever going to forget what is going to happen this weekend. How often do you have the opportunity to break a world record with 39 of your closest friends?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

You are Beautiful but You Don't Mean a Thing to Me

I don't know if I have ever been so tired before in my time at college. Today was just one of those days when you wake up and everything just seems so muddled. On these days, I am really glad that there are people who can see through the fronts I try to put up, and can look at what is really going on.

Devo was great tonight because I was able to stop and redirect my course for the week. One of the new songs that we have been singing is called "How Great is Our God." It is brash, it is audacious, and it proclaims that God is amazing and bigger than what we could ever understand. Even in the midst of all the chaos that comes at the end of the semester, Insanity for Humanity, and interviews for the SA Executive Cabinet, I was reminded that God is sovereign. He is over all, in all, before all, and after all.

Current Listening: "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak in Chapel again. This time the pressure was considerably lower since I was not worried about whether or not people would vote for me after hearing me speak, but the prospect of speaking to over 2,000 people is still a daunting one. I spoke about the idea of sacrifice and self-denial, and for those of you who regularly read this blog, that is probably no big surprise, but I just cannot run away from those ideas. When I am quiet, these are the ideas that fill my mind and when I read books those are the topics that scream off the page at me, even if the author had no intention to shed light on those areas.

I have always thought that the reason that I am always trying to learn what it is to empty yourself of everything that is selfish and to become someone who is filled love and consequently empties it out is that I have this fear that I am such a selfish person. I see all of these tendencies towards self-preservation and gratification and I hate them. I want to find what C.S. Lewis means when he talks about "humility." He wrote that "humility is not to think lowly of oneself, it is to not think of oneself at all." How does that happen? Where does it come from? More and more I see it modeled by Jesus and if we are to be called Christians it only makes sense that we become Christ is name but also so much more than that.

Monday, April 11, 2005

This is the Moment that You Told Her that You Loved Her but You Don't

When I was at the super-large conglomerate store that shall not be named today, I noticed something very interesting on the rack of magazines in the check-out line. Above the screaming headlines about Brad and Jen, Brad and Angelina, and Jessica I saw something very rare. The tagline proclaimed "He Changed the World" and sat next to a picture of John Paul II. I looked over to the next aisle and saw the smiling pontiff on the cover of "People." The past week I have seen coverage of John Paul's death in the New York Times, the Washington Post, on ABC, NBC, and CNN, but the juxtaposition of his face next to the biggest names in Hollywood struck me as incredibly odd.

How different were the worldviews of the man who lead the world's largest church and those with whom he shared the cover space? I don't want to get on a rant about the waywardness and materialism of Hollywood/America, but the last time that I can think of someone so selfless sharing space with the people that we usually laud and adore was the death of Mother Teresa in 1997, but even then she posthumously shared the spotlight with Princess Diana. Perhaps this is just the dream of an idealist, but what would happen when we began to recognize and honor people for doing the things that truly make a difference in a world? People that visit those who have no one to turn to, friends that go completely out of their way to support and encourage those that they love, and men/women who go into the places that the rest of us fear because they know that Jesus would already have gone in ahead of them if he were here today.

It seems that my prayer lately has been for eyes to see what I am often blinded to in this world. So many times, the things that are truly weighty and worthwhile are obstructed by the things that are passing and hold no true calling for me. I think it takes a certain kind of conditioning to learn that the things of this world never satisfy. That is the message of Ecclesiastes and if the man who had it all says it is never enough, the I know I will never have enough to truly make me happy. Instead, I must learn to fill myself on the things that are eternal, the things that are steadfast, and the things that will never pass away. That is the secret, and that is my mission.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Let Me Take Some of the Punches For You Tonight

If you are a Rangers fan, don't you already get the scared feeling that if we have had this many problems with the bullpen through 5 games, this might be a recurring problem down the road? I really hope I am wrong about this, but we shall see.

Siggie Formal was a lot of fun this weekend, and it was good to go with such a good friend like Briana. She and I have known each other for so long, and we have been through a lot of different experiences. The ride in the pace car was pretty sweet, and as we were going through the turns (banked at 24 degrees!) I was already getting some pretty significant G-forces pushing me down, and then I looked at the speedometer and realized that NASCAR drivers probably go through those turns at twice the speed that we were traveling. I would lose my lunch.

Current Listening: "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" by U2

As Joey and I were walking out of IJM Chapel the other day we began talking about this idea that everything is tied together by love. We were not talking about saccaharine sweet, Valentine treat kind of love, but this thought of genuine shared humanity that drives people to do amazing things for other people. I know that this idea of self-sacrifice and love has been on my mind for a long time, and as I have talked with Joey and read his blog posts lately, it seems that he has been thinking about it for a good time as well.

In another area, during two or three separate conversations this weekend, the speech that Damon Parker made in Chapel recently came up in discussion. I am not sure what this means exactly, but I do know that it made a much more significant impact on listeners than almost all of the other speeches that we hear in Chapel. Did he have to step on toes to do this? Probably. Did he have to go out on a limb and really challenge people on some of the things that we don't like to be challenged on? Yes. I know one thing, I am glad that people are thinking about social and economic justice in a place like ACU. If there is any place that should be concerned with justice, it should be a Christian university.

Thursday, April 7, 2005

I Was Followin' Through On a Letter You Sent

Each morning, after I take my shower, I come and sit at the computer and check the headlines on the NY Times and the Washington Post websites. As I am skimming down the pages, I will often look at the editorials on each site and at the other articles not quite notable enough to be headline worthy. I was just looking around the Post this morning when I came across this gem.

It's an article about a suburban music school that is mainly targeted towards pre-teens, except these kids are not channeling Bach, Stravinsky, or Copland, but Zack de la Rocha and Billy Joe Armstrong. I am not sure if members of bands like Rage Against the Machine and Green Day would love the fact that their songs are being covered by kids that haven't even hit puberty or if they feel as though they have lost some of their edge. I'm not sure, but I hope you guys enjoy that article.

Current Listening: "Dizzy Up the Girl"- Goo Goo Dolls

One of the things that I have talked with a lot of people about through my time here at college is the way that we as the church have often confused what is minor with what should be major. People in a hurting and dying world don't really care about the little squabbles that we get in about how we "do" church. Someone sitting under a bridge each night, not knowing where their next meal is coming from, does not really care if women pray in church or if someone raises their hands or claps during a song. The things that care about concerning the church are: Do we love as Jesus loved? Do we reach out to the sick and hurting? Have we come to seek and save the lost? Do we value the things that God values or do we play by the rules of the world?

I'm not sure what you guys think about this, but I would love to have a discussion on how what we can do to better be Christ's hands and feet in the future.

Wednesday, April 6, 2005

I've Got a Tank Full of Gas to Light

I am really going to be praying for rain sometime soon. I, along with everyone else at school, is sick of seeing sidewalk chalk all over campus for this Justin guy. Who does he think he is anyway?

I think one of the best things about this entire experience with the Presidency is having the opportunity to stay here during the summer for the internship with Dr. Money's office. Part of me is really going to want to be in Colorado when I gets hot here and I wish I could just take off up a trail towards the summit of a 14er, but I feel an incredible sense of peace about where I am going to be.

I think the opportunity to live in the Iceberg with Brandon is going to be amazing. I have seen our friendship grow immensely from time spent together in club along with the growth that I have experienced with all of the guys who are part of the Friday mornings accountability group. Also, I have so many good friends like Jeff, Luke, Ragan, and Cris working at ACU Camps this summer that I will get to spend time with.

Current Listening: "Chariot" by Gavin DeGraw.

I am not sure if it is just because I dislike my Business and Professional Communication class so much, but I have been thinking a lot lately that I never really want to enter the "business" world. I have these idyllic visions of becoming a 21st century Hemingway hopping the globe writing about the lives of tragic lovers whose fate is written in the stars. I'll find the Paris Left
Bank of our time and catch the wave of the next big thing. I never want to be tied down. I never want to carry a PDA. I never want to wear my cell phone on the outside of my pants. In the words of Tyler Durden, "I don't want to die without any scars." The day that I can't run so hard that I think I am going to puke is a day that I never want to come.

I am not sure if this is all a rush of testosterone to the head, or if this is really something that I am going to have to think about when I look down the road at what I want to do. Perhaps it is just my reaction to the fact that I will be graduating from college in just over and a year and I can't believe that. Whatver it is, it feels wild and free, and I love it.

Tuesday, April 5, 2005

You Could Never Stop and See What You're Doing to Me

When people ask me what my greatest fear is I often give the Indiana Jones response, snakes, but when I really sit and think about it, it is something that is much more nebulous and haunting than a simple rattler.

The thing that haunts me is not the things that I know, but the things that I do not know. The idea of the unknown is incredibly daunting. Perhaps that is why I am drawn to pursuits like backpacking and hiking. The idea of exploring the unknown and heading into something that is not always planned or drawn out is exhilirating and also allows me to confront the things that I have not given name to for a long time. For those of you who know me, I have this thirst to know the answers to the questions. If I do not have the answers, I view it as my personal responsibility to seek them out, put them into my mental file system, and then produce them as needed. As I have thought about this way of living and approaching the pursuit of learning, I have begun to believ that this way of looking at the process is completely wrong.

It is never about accumulation or keeping score because someone else will always know more and answer more quickly. The key lies in the approach, the mindset that one takes into learning. The metaphor of thirst is incredibly applicable. Even if we drink an entire pitcher of water in one sitting, we will eventually need more water if we are to continue to grow. The idea should not be focused towards a compilation of facts and figures, but a constant renewal and examination of ideas, thoughts, and beliefs.

This way of looking at life is not always safe. We like to be able to keep track of things and to be able to chart our progress along some kind of life trajectory, but the process of continual discovery leads to a lot of gray areas, but I think that is how it is supposed to be. We are not consumed with the end result of getting that good grade on some life test, but instead we are in the continual process of being transformed from what we were into what we are becoming.

Current Listening: "Musicforthemorningafter" by Pete Yorn

I Don't Wanna Be Together, I Don't Wanna Be Apart

First off, I would like to point out that the "Geography Theory" proved true with the North Carolina Tar Heels claiming the title last night with a 75-70 victory over Illinois. I don't know if I will attempt to expand it to other sports, but I kind of like the idea of bringing it out once, batting 1.000, and then putting it back on the shelf.

So much has happened since I last wrote, so I will try to provide a day by day recap. If you don't like that format, well tough dice.

Friday: In order to take my mind of the end of voting and the impending counting of ballots, I went out to dinner with Cole, Jon, Heather, Cris, Alex, Brooke, Lyndi, and Erin at Chili's. As I was riding back to campus with Erin, Layne Rouse (current SA President) called. When I answered the phone, I thought that Layne would go into this long schpiel about the inherent value of the democratic voting process and I would be left wondering for a while about the outcome of the election, but Layne was all business and told me that I had won. I turned to Erin and mouthed the words "I won." This was probably not the best thing to do for multiple reasons, two of which I will explain: 1. She was talking on the phone to Heather and screamed when I she saw what I said. I am sure that Heather thought there was either a wild animal in the car or one of us had just found the body of Jimmy Hoffa. 2. When people get exicted while driving a car, they usually swerve a bit. Let's just say that if you are in Tahoe, you want to minimize the chances of flipping a vehicle, and I was thinking that my days as SA President were going to be very limited. After that, we went to hang out at the Llama (the house, not the animal) with some celebratory ping-pong.

Saturday: Early wake-up for a Saturday and off to Austin for formal. Heather and I rode with Cole, Brooke, Erin, and Jon down to Austin. We had formal this year at The Oasis on Lake Travis. Let me just say this: Even though I had already decided that I want to live in Austin at some point in my life, walking out on the deck at the Oasis confirmed that it shall come to pass. I will not argue about this. Formal was incredible (great job J-Gay) due to a great setting, a great club video, and a great hypnotized performance by my date, one Miss Heather Norman.

Sunday: After spending the night at Lance Agan's ranch house, where I shared a futon with Jake Roseberry and Brandon "Sideshow Bob" Maenius, we loaded up and headed back to A-town. Sunday was mainly filled with studying for a Con-Law test and Quizno's Sunday with MT, The Mayor, The Dizz, Jawsh, J-Gay, and Jonny Heintz.

Monday: Back to the grind, but there are new things on the horizon. I have already enjoyed having so many people come up to me and tell me about things that they want to see happen on campus. I have begun to carry around a yellow legal notepad to take down their ideas and record their names so that I don't forget in the midst of everything. Layne and I had a really good dinner last night as we began to talk about the transition that will be taking place in this next month from his administration to mine. The fact that I will be working with two other Executive officers like Melanie and Tyler with one year of experience under their belts is invaluable. I think this year will be incredible and I cannot wait to get started.

That is the end of the travelogue. I know that it is a lot less captivating than the travails of Sal Paradise and Dean Moriarty, but I do what I can.

Current Listening: "Use Your Voice" by Mason Jennings.

One of the things that Layne and I talked about last night during our discussion about mentoring and the process of transition was the idea that people love salvation but hate discipleship. We want to receive Christ's free gift, but we really don't want to be stretched and changed. I guess I cannot get away from this idea of costly grace. It runs after me even when I want to try to make my salvation cheap. What does it mean to embrace the process of transformation that is fraught with times of pain and confusion, but leads to something that far surpasses what we could ever expect? In our society we are so consumed with the product, that we often forget that the process is equally important. We always use the metaphor of a journey or walk to describe the Christian life, but all too often we do not think about the individual steps we take as we head to our ultimate destination. Today, embrace the struggle, enjoy each step, and keep your eyes forward on the goal.

Friday, April 1, 2005

So It Is, Just Like You Said It Would Be

I was just looking through the news this morning on the Washington Post website when I came across this disturbing story. The comedian Mitch Hedberg died yesterday. Here is the article. For some reason, his death makes me feel old. I realize that he is not the icon that someone like Belushi or Farley was, but when people that make you laugh pass on, the world is darker place for their absence.

GSP Formal should be a lot of fun this weekend. I am sure that you could just lock all of us in a room together with nothing to do and we would have a great time, but throw in girls, entertainment, and food and all rules are off. Jordan Gay (J-Straight) has done a lot of good work putting the event together and it will be great.

Current Listening: "Songs about Jane" by Maroon 5.

I enjoy having this avenue to express my ideas and thoughts, but sometimes it is difficult to get on here and write. Sometimes when I sit down to write, it almost feels like a duty instead of a joy, but as I persist and work through my thoughts I find points of light. The joy comes in breaking through what I once thought to be mundane and seeing the sublime. It always seems that there are these threads running through posts even if they form without my conscious will.

One of the things I have been thinking about a lot this semester is the fabric that everything is tied together by in this world. As I look at my life, it seems that what truly matters converges on two points: love and self-denial. The point that I have been working through and struggling with through college has been this idea of emptying myself and being filled with something else, something that is higher than what I am capable of, something that can love more than I could ever hope to love. It is John 3:30, when John the Baptist says, "he must become greater and I must become less." This idea is almost tantamount to Zen philosophy in that you find true peace when you no longer care for your own desires or whims, and instead only see the needs of others. I don't want to sound like a martyr, but when I look around the world, the truly beautiful things are done by people who completely step out of the way.