You are Beautiful but You Don't Mean a Thing to Me

I don't know if I have ever been so tired before in my time at college. Today was just one of those days when you wake up and everything just seems so muddled. On these days, I am really glad that there are people who can see through the fronts I try to put up, and can look at what is really going on.

Devo was great tonight because I was able to stop and redirect my course for the week. One of the new songs that we have been singing is called "How Great is Our God." It is brash, it is audacious, and it proclaims that God is amazing and bigger than what we could ever understand. Even in the midst of all the chaos that comes at the end of the semester, Insanity for Humanity, and interviews for the SA Executive Cabinet, I was reminded that God is sovereign. He is over all, in all, before all, and after all.

Current Listening: "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak in Chapel again. This time the pressure was considerably lower since I was not worried about whether or not people would vote for me after hearing me speak, but the prospect of speaking to over 2,000 people is still a daunting one. I spoke about the idea of sacrifice and self-denial, and for those of you who regularly read this blog, that is probably no big surprise, but I just cannot run away from those ideas. When I am quiet, these are the ideas that fill my mind and when I read books those are the topics that scream off the page at me, even if the author had no intention to shed light on those areas.

I have always thought that the reason that I am always trying to learn what it is to empty yourself of everything that is selfish and to become someone who is filled love and consequently empties it out is that I have this fear that I am such a selfish person. I see all of these tendencies towards self-preservation and gratification and I hate them. I want to find what C.S. Lewis means when he talks about "humility." He wrote that "humility is not to think lowly of oneself, it is to not think of oneself at all." How does that happen? Where does it come from? More and more I see it modeled by Jesus and if we are to be called Christians it only makes sense that we become Christ is name but also so much more than that.