You Could Never Stop and See What You're Doing to Me

When people ask me what my greatest fear is I often give the Indiana Jones response, snakes, but when I really sit and think about it, it is something that is much more nebulous and haunting than a simple rattler.

The thing that haunts me is not the things that I know, but the things that I do not know. The idea of the unknown is incredibly daunting. Perhaps that is why I am drawn to pursuits like backpacking and hiking. The idea of exploring the unknown and heading into something that is not always planned or drawn out is exhilirating and also allows me to confront the things that I have not given name to for a long time. For those of you who know me, I have this thirst to know the answers to the questions. If I do not have the answers, I view it as my personal responsibility to seek them out, put them into my mental file system, and then produce them as needed. As I have thought about this way of living and approaching the pursuit of learning, I have begun to believ that this way of looking at the process is completely wrong.

It is never about accumulation or keeping score because someone else will always know more and answer more quickly. The key lies in the approach, the mindset that one takes into learning. The metaphor of thirst is incredibly applicable. Even if we drink an entire pitcher of water in one sitting, we will eventually need more water if we are to continue to grow. The idea should not be focused towards a compilation of facts and figures, but a constant renewal and examination of ideas, thoughts, and beliefs.

This way of looking at life is not always safe. We like to be able to keep track of things and to be able to chart our progress along some kind of life trajectory, but the process of continual discovery leads to a lot of gray areas, but I think that is how it is supposed to be. We are not consumed with the end result of getting that good grade on some life test, but instead we are in the continual process of being transformed from what we were into what we are becoming.

Current Listening: "Musicforthemorningafter" by Pete Yorn