Cause All Good Things, They Gotta Go
I would say that you have to start your lying early on April Fools' Day just to get in your jokes before people look at their calendars and realize what day it is, but let's be honest here: It's always easier to lie to people who just woke up. This is why I tell myself each morning that this is the Rangers' year and somehow keep believing it.
Another thing about April Fools' Day...once, when times were simpler, when men were men, and women were, well, women, you could make up crazy stories, try to sell them to your friends, and then have your friends say, "No way, that's so far out there, not even I can believe that." April Fools' Day was the realm of true practitioners of the craft of creating believable lies.
Now, everything is so bizarre that even if you're friend tells you,"Hey, guess what? You know that guy who played Commodus in Gladiator and Johnny Cash in Walk the Line? Well, he went on Letterman a few nights ago, and he didn't sing "Folsom Prison Blues" or try to kill Russell Crowe's family. No, he just sat there with a crazy beard, shaggy hair, and wayfarer sunglasses and acted as though he didn't want to be there the entire time."
Instead of dismissing you out of hand, now your friend says, "Yeah, sounds like Joaquin Phoenix".
What does this new paradigm shift in the world of April Fools' Day jokes mean? It means that the entire era is tainted, just as the entire statistical hierarchy of baseball has been tainted by steroids, PEDs, or whatever else Congress is outraged about these days.
For instance, your friends might say, "Man, I've had a great April Fools' Day joke for the last 7 years running. I'm approaching the streak that John Candy (God rest his soul) had going in the late 80's." Do not, I repeat, do not let your friend get away with this kind of boasting.
Instead, point out that outlandish stories are imminently more believable in a world where infommercial stars get arrested for slapping prostitutes (you're our only hope in these dark times, Billy Mays!!!), and that your friend's record should have an asterisk due to the fact that Candy achieved his streak without the aid of the world going mad while your friend gets to lie to people who live in the same historical epoch as Alex Rodriguez, Britney Spears, Octomom, Hugo Chavez, and Mike Tyson.
Ah, whatever happened to the good old days?
Another thing about April Fools' Day...once, when times were simpler, when men were men, and women were, well, women, you could make up crazy stories, try to sell them to your friends, and then have your friends say, "No way, that's so far out there, not even I can believe that." April Fools' Day was the realm of true practitioners of the craft of creating believable lies.
Now, everything is so bizarre that even if you're friend tells you,"Hey, guess what? You know that guy who played Commodus in Gladiator and Johnny Cash in Walk the Line? Well, he went on Letterman a few nights ago, and he didn't sing "Folsom Prison Blues" or try to kill Russell Crowe's family. No, he just sat there with a crazy beard, shaggy hair, and wayfarer sunglasses and acted as though he didn't want to be there the entire time."
Instead of dismissing you out of hand, now your friend says, "Yeah, sounds like Joaquin Phoenix".
What does this new paradigm shift in the world of April Fools' Day jokes mean? It means that the entire era is tainted, just as the entire statistical hierarchy of baseball has been tainted by steroids, PEDs, or whatever else Congress is outraged about these days.
For instance, your friends might say, "Man, I've had a great April Fools' Day joke for the last 7 years running. I'm approaching the streak that John Candy (God rest his soul) had going in the late 80's." Do not, I repeat, do not let your friend get away with this kind of boasting.
Instead, point out that outlandish stories are imminently more believable in a world where infommercial stars get arrested for slapping prostitutes (you're our only hope in these dark times, Billy Mays!!!), and that your friend's record should have an asterisk due to the fact that Candy achieved his streak without the aid of the world going mad while your friend gets to lie to people who live in the same historical epoch as Alex Rodriguez, Britney Spears, Octomom, Hugo Chavez, and Mike Tyson.
Ah, whatever happened to the good old days?
Labels: April Fools' Day, David Letterman, Joaquin Phoenix, John Candy, Texas Rangers, Vince Shlomi
posted by Justin @ 4/01/2009 04:51:00 PM
6 comments
