There Ain't Nothing in This World For Free

Even though my soon-to-be cable and internet provider probably has a security apparatus that rivals anything George Orwell could dream up, I wrote the following words a few days ago:

"I would call Comcast the Khmer Rouge of cable companies, but I don't want to be unfair to the Khmer Rouge."

Yes, that's right, after going without television for the past two years, I'll be re-joining the rest of you in the 21st century on Tuesday night. Well, that's when my appointment is scheduled. If my previous interactions with Pol Pot's favorite cable company are any indication, I might actually receive service in time to watch the 2012 election returns.

With TV on the brain, I submit the following idea to you, my dear readers: television channels a la carte. I know that some of you (coughTimKirkseycough) killed my idea last year about having barbers charge per minute for haircuts instead of a flat rate, but what about charging for TV channels a la carte?

If you're like me, you only watch a few channels (the major networks, Comedy Central, the ESPN family of networks, Fox Soccer Channel, GolTV, and a smattering of cable news networks) the vast majority of the time. What if you had to pay more per channel than you pay now (taking your total cable bill and dividing it by the number of channels in your plan), but you paid less overall because you only purchased (just for the sake of example) 15 channels?

There's surely some large impediment to this that I am missing, but it just seems like the trend in television delivery is towards a greater specificity of service tailored to the whims of each individual consumer.

What do you think, folks? A brilliant idea whose time has come or a potential disaster on par with New Coke?

I'm Remembering Distant Memories, Recalling Other Names

Despite the fact that my sister's wedding is on Saturday (a wedding in which I will be participating as a groomsmen), I refused to actually go to a barbershop today for a haircut.

Was this refusal due to any sort of deep-seated attachment to my gorgeous flowing locks or any type of statement that I am attempting to make regarding my opposition to "the man"?

Most certainly not.

Instead, all I really needed was a trim over the ears, a trim in the back, and a little work on my side-burns. After a quick bit of mental calculus, I determined that this amount of repair work did not justify the payment of the current going rate for a haircut in the Greater Tyler Metropolitan Area...which brings me to the idea of the day:

Just as a large number of lawyers work on a billable hour system, why not have barbers work on a billable minute system?

You just need a quick touch-up over the ears that will only take 6 minutes but don't want to pay 12 bones for a full haircut? Guess what, my friend? Under the new billable minute system, you're only paying $4, give or take a few cents. You no longer need to pay full-price for a service that only required a fractional amount of labor.

This will also lead to the possibility of barbers going into full-scale stall mode to drag out the length of haircuts and thereby increase their billable hours. Furthermore, we will finally be freed from a wayward system that charges George Costanza and Fabio the same price for a haircut.

The billable minute system for barbers. With your help, we will succeed in making this dream a reality.

Yes we can, folks. Yes we can.

I Like to Reggae, but You Dance Too Fast For Me

In the category of "Things That Can Only Come From the Mind of a Law Student During Finals"...

It's a time of high hopes around the world right now, my friends. We have a new super-disease on our hands in the swine flu and NFL franchises, via the draft, have just added new blood to their teams in their ongoing quest for the Lombardi Trophy. The juxtaposition of these two seemingly unconnected events made me think:

Sure, everybody's worried about the swine flu right now, but didn't we expect big things from SARS back in the day? Similarly, aren't there players every year that come in with mountains of promise and hype that only end up bringing their fans pain and regret for what might have been?
In much the same vein, if SARS was the Ki-Jana Carter of communicable diseases, seeing as though both came into our lives with great promises of hype and both ultimately fizzled into a combination of disappointment and respiratory issues (actually, that was just SARS), I foresee the swine flu being the Matthew Stafford of communicable diseases.
Both made their debut on the national/international scene in late April 2009, both caused numerous talking heads to gush about their potential, and in the end, both will probably end up killing people in Detroit.

The Highway is Alive Tonight, but Nobody's Kiddin' Nobody About Where It Goes

Congratulations to Mr. Joey Halbert for correctly naming "Voodoo Chile (Slight Return)" by the Jimi Hendrix Experience as the Monday Song of the Day.

I made sure to bring you, my dear readers, the version from Woodstock, because, as one of my former co-workers at Trek once said,"Anything less would be foolish".

After hearing/reading about numerous friends buying tickets to the U2 show this October at the new Cowboys stadium, I felt compelled to commit one of my favorite new theories to the firmament of the blogosphere:

Within 10, no, 5 years, every sporting, no, every event in the United States will be held at the new Cowboys Stadium in Arlington.
It will become a great mish-mash of the Temple in Jerusalem, the Great Mosque in Mecca, Carnegie Hall, Fenway Park, and Disney World.

Let's take a simple look at the events at JerryWorld (copyright owned by Mason Orr) in the next 5 years:

• June 2009: George Strait concert. Country music conquered? Check.
• July 2009: Chelsea F.C. versus Club America. Soccer/World Football conquered? Check.
• September 2009: BYU versus Oklahoma. College football conquered? Check.
• September 2009: Cowboys versus Giants. Pro football, as well as good versus evil, conquered? Check.
• October 2009: U2 concert. The largest number of people in one location who can quote the lyrics of the entire Joshua Tree album verbatim? Check.
  
• November 2009: Texas Tech versus Baylor. Bringing together one fanbase that thinks their team is better than it actually is with a fanbase that thinks their team is worse than it actually is? Check.
  
• December 2009: UT versus UNC. College basketball conquered? Check.
• January 2010: AT&T Cotton Bowl. Playing bowl games named for another stadium at your stadium? Check.
• February 2010: The NBA All-Star game. A giant massage session for the egos of Jerry Jones and Mark Cuban? Check.
• February 2011: Super Bowl XLV. The most watched/over-hyped event in the entire world that does not include an appearance by Oprah? Check.
• August 2012: Green Party Presidential Nominating Convention. Not really, I just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.
  
• October 2013: Notre Dame versus Arizona State. Winning the approval of the Holy See? Check.
• April 2014: NCAA Men's Final Four. Setting a record number for middle-aged men walking around Arlington in track suits? Check.