Not a Word I Heard Could I Relate, The Story Was Quite Clear

Tying up a few loose ends from this weekend...

Thanks to Tim Henderson for telling me about the following video depicting the emerging sport* of anvil shooting.

The best part of that entire video? "Women ask why would I want to do that? Men say that's pretty cool." That's the essence of the difference between the sexes, right? None of this "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" stuff. Guys just want to see large pieces of metal get blown to Kingdom Come and have no regard for the actual "why?" behind the action.

In other news, the lady friend passed along the following story about David Cross (a.k.a. Dr. Tobias Funke) allegedly dappling in the Columbian nose candy** while at the White House Correspondents' Dinner early this year. If true, I sincerely hope that Cross has footage of the event, if only so that we can see evidence of how Tobias Funke would interact with the Leader of the Free World whilst high as a kite.

If you heard a large amount of shouting coming from the Scott household on Sunday afternoon (I traveled home for a friend's wedding), it was because we witnessed another triumph of Good over Evil in this world as Liverpool defeated the English Evil Empire by the score of 2 to nothing courtesy of goals from Fernando "The Man, the Myth, the Legend" Torres and Davig N'Gog. My Dad gave N'Gog the less than stellar nickname of "Pear-head", but don't worry, David, I don't think the new nick-name will catch on across the pond.

*May not actually be an emerging sport.

**Not recommended for actual use by children...or anyone who might older than a child.

Standing on the Corner, Suitcase in My Hand

This morning I woke up and felt a little (just a little) like George H.W. Bush on the morning of November 10, 1989.

Let me explain...

On the morning of 11/10/89, my fellow Houstonian awoke to find that his largest rival, the U.S.S.R., had allowed one of its greatest symbols, the Berlin Wall, to simply be cast away to the pages of history.

This morning I awoke to find that one of the Evil Empires, the English version to be particular, had allowed one of their greatest symbols, Cristiano Ronaldo, to simply be cast away to the Iberian Peninsula...for 80 MILLION POUNDS or $131.6 MILLION DOLLARS.

And all of this comes in the same week as Real Madrid plunked down a cool 56 million pounds or $92 million dollars for the Brazilian maestro known as Kaka. Yes, I know his name sounds like the Spanish word for "poop". Laugh it up, jokey jokemakers.

Remember this as well: That's the amount Real Madrid paid to Manchester United (for Ronaldo) and AC Milan (for Kaka) simply to acquire their rights. That's not even the beginning of the amount that the club will have to shell out for each player's salary. I'm not sure what Real Madrid's financial secrets are, but unless they are secretly funding all of this with Monopoly money and old gift certificates, their business plan might be worth emulating.

Anywho...just as George H.W. Bush must have felt a tremendous amount of joy in seeing his rival lose a vital cog in their machine, I'm sure he also felt a small twinge of pain for the loss of something that he loved to despise.

While I'm certainly thrilled at the departure of Ronaldo to the Spanish capital and what it will mean for Liverpool's title chances next year, I'm also going to admit that I might miss that gelled-up Portuguese ne'er do well. If only because it doesn't feel nearly as good to hate Wayne Rooney.
Oh well.

For Anyone You Think Could Outdo Me

Congratulations to Mr. Joseph R. Halbert for correctly naming "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys as the Tuesday Song of the Day. I said it to the lady friend this weekend, and I'll say it again here: "Sabotage" gets my vote for best music video of the 90's.

You might disagree with me on that point, and if you do, I would love to hear your suggestion for the #1 spot.

Question of the Day:

What is the first word that comes to mind when I see the following photo?
Answer:
Schadenfreude. Sweet, sweet schadenfreude.

Well done, Barca.

I Can't Stand It, I Know You Planned It

Congratulations to Mr. Alan Robertson for correctly naming "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

Big news today in the legal world with President Obama's nomination of Judge Sonia Sotomayor to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court. While everyone else will spend hours poring over Judge Sotomayor's legal opinions, I say that the one true test of her qualifications to serve on the high court is a full breakdown of the high-jump technique of the other "famous" (I use the term loosely) Sotomayor, the current world record-holder in the high-jump, Javier Sotomayor.

Question of the Day:

Justin, can I root for Manchester United instead of Barcelona tomorrow's Champions League Final?

Answer:

Sure, if you would have also supported the Axis in World War II.

Current Reading

American Caesar--Douglas MacArthur 1880-1964 by William Manchester

Twisting Into the Dark Parts of Large Midwestern Cities

Congratulations once again to Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "Billie Jean" by Micheal Jackson as the Monday Song of the Day.

If there's a more enjoyable/ironic Michael Jackson lyric these days than "The kid is not my son", I will gladly hear your suggestions.

A couple of points on a Tuesday afternoon...

I fully understand the outrage over the AIG bonus situation/fiasco as voiced by New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo*, but I can also appreciate the viewpoint articulated by Andrew Ross Sorkin in this post on the NY Times "Dealbook" blog.

What has gone unmentioned by Cuomo, Sorkin, and the rest of the experts out there? The fact that your tax dollars, and mine, are still going to subsidize the English Evil Empire, even after Liverpool thrashed them on Saturday by the score of 4-1.

What is a few million dollars to compensate people who helped create a global financial maelstrom versus the continued support of Ronaldo and Co.? In the (adapted) words of President Reagan,"Mr. Geithner...tear down this jersey."
Second, in about 30 minutes, I'm hopping on a bus with others from Baylor Law to head down to the metropolis that is Hearne, Texas to see a screening of the film American Violet, which centers on the work of a former BLS student and contains a bolo-tie wearing character similar to Prof. Osler. It should be interesting, and if anyone needs a Will Patton, Tim Blake Nelson, or Xzibit autograph, I might just be able to make your day.

*If you're scoring at home, that's the second straight day a Cuomo has been mentioned on Running Down a Dream. I'm starting to think this Cuomo/Middleton combo is more than mere coincidence. Conspiracy theory suggestions are welcome as always.

I Know You Haven't Made Your Mind Up Yet

In the spirit of further alienating my readership by engaging in a process of self-aggrandizement, I'm taking this opportunity to get my Champions League predictions out there for all the world to see (as if it, or you, cared) before the Knockout Stages begin later today back on "The Continent" and Mother England.

If you are like my Dad and wonder,"Now which competition is this one?", well, I have the answer for you, courtesy of that fount of all (slightly reputable) knowledge, Wikipedia:

The UEFA Champions League, which evolved from the European Champion Clubs' Cup, is a seasonal club football competition organised by UEFA since 1992 (or overall in its older format since 1955) for the most successful football clubs in Europe. The prize, the European Champion Clubs' Cup (more commonly known as the European Cup), is the most prestigious club trophy in the sport.

Armed with that knowledge, I give you the following predictions for which clubs will advance to the Round of 8 (predicted winners in bold):

• Chelsea FC (England) vs. Juventus FC (Italy)

Readers of this blog know that my dislike for Chelsea is only surpassed by my dislike for the English Evil Empire, but my choice of Juventus here is not motivated solely by dislike for the West Londoners, but my belief that Juventus will be able to put the defensive vise-grip on a Chelsea side that has struggled to score goals as of late. Sorry, Johnny Boy.

• Villareal FC (Spain) vs. Panathinaikos FC (Greece)

I would be lying to you if I thought that I could provide any type of in-depth insight on this matchup, but since Villareal is playing well right now in La Liga and they have the American-born scoring machine that is Giuseppe Rossi leading the attack, I'm going with the "Yellow Submarine" from Spain to advance.

• Sporting CP (Portugal) vs. FC Bayern Munich (Germany)

Toni, Ribery, Klose, Podolski, Ze Roberto, Schweinsteiger and the rest of the reigning German Bundesliga champs will be too much for one of weaker teams remaining in the competition to handle. Bayern wins this one going away.

• Atletico Madrid (Spain) vs. FC Porto (Portugal)

Atletico Madrid, besides being the former club of one Fernando Torres, gave Liverpool all they could handle during the Group Stages, and I fully expect them to advance past a Porto side that is not quite as strong as they have been in past years. Atletico striker Sergio Aguero, who is Argentinian, is currently adjusting to life on the Argentine national team playing for his father-in-law, Diego Maradona, who is widely known as one of the greatest players of all time. It's the Argentinian equivalent of LeBron playing on the U.S. National Team for his father-in-law Michael Jordan, only if Jordan had history as a rampant cheater and one time cocaine addict. So, basically it's nothing like that.

• Olympique Lyon (France) vs. FC Barcelona (Spain)

In what should be one of the more high-scoring matchups of the round, look for Barcelona to mow through the French like the German Army in 1940. Also, if you have not been following the exploits of the phenom that is Barcelona's Lionel Messi, here's a sample of what he's capable of with a soccer ball at his feet.

• Arsenal FC (England) vs. AS Roma (Italy)

Out of the other clubs in England's so-called "Big Four" I have the most affection for Arsenal, but they have been quite toothless recently in front of the goal, and I think the Italians can steal a crucial win today at the Emirates Stadium in England. Also, when Arsenal goes to Rome in early March for the second-leg, their fans will be less concerned with supporting their team and more concerned with how to avoid getting shanked by the Roma fans. Hooligans, they're FANNNNTASTIC!!!!

• FC Internazionale Milan (Italy) vs. Manchester United FC (England)

It's the English Evil Empire versus the club that Liverpool knocked out of the tournament at the same stage in last year's competition. At this point, I'm going with the "Doubting Thomas" corollary, in that I have to see Man. U. actually lose before I'm going to pick against them in a two-legged competition. That was as painful for me to write as it was for you to read.

• CF Real Madrid (Spain) vs. Liverpool FC (England)

Even though the Reds have had some recent hiccups, including Sunday's home draw against Manchester City, and Real Madrid has been lighting La Liga on fire lately, I still think Liverpool will emerge victorious. Torres is going to relish his trip to Madrid tomorrow night to play against the club he grew up despising, and Gerrard's return to the lineup after a three-week absence will provide the necessary spark that Liverpool needs to get past the Spanish juggernaut.

Let This Be My Annual Reminder That We Can All Be Something Bigger

Growing up in the southern United States, it was not unusual to hear stories of fans of various football teams getting into drunken brawls over the outcome of a game between their two favorite teams. Usually those fights were simply "crimes of passion" that arose in a fit of rage after a last-second loss or a particularly vicious argument. In the world of English football, though, disagreements between supporters of rival clubs can be taken a BIT too far.

A married Manchester United fan drove 400 miles for a saucy weekend with a girl he’d met on the internet only to discover it was an elaborate hoax set up by two burly Liverpool supporters he had upset on holiday.

The story is worth your time if only because it includes the following phrases: "professional cage fighters", "rude photograph", and "You've been framed". That's practically an outline of the script for the next Guy Ritchie movie.

Let's Take the Good Times as They Come

My fellow American taxpayers, rejoice with me that you no longer support, aid, or abet the English Evil Empire.

US insurance giant AIG have announced that they will not seek to renew their sponsorship of Manchester United when their current deal expires in 2010 and reports suggest the company are trying to negotiate an early end to the deal.

AIG were unveiled as United's new shirt sponsor amid great fanfare in 2006 as the club proudly announced a British record shirt sponsorship deal: £56.5 million over four years.

However, the US firm have been hit hard by the global economic downturn and only avoided bankruptcy last autumn when the US federal reserve bailed them out to the tune of $152 billion.

I must admit my disappointment, though, with President Obama's failure to provide the American electorate with a promise to rid the global community of the scourge that is Cristiano Ronaldo's diving.

No more Ronaldo in our time?

YES, WE CAN.

P.S. Many thanks to Mr. Stephen Olson for the heads up on this story.

We Used to Shake It Up in Shaker Heights

Congratulations to Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi as the Tuesday Song of the Day.

Quick question: When historians in 2509 look back at Bon Jovi videos from the 80's (what else will they have to do?), will they think that lead singers of hair bands fashioned their coiffures in a bizarre tribute to tribal headdresses?

Will they believe Jon Bon Jovi or Axl Rose was once our tribal leader?

One can only hope.

Speaking of the 80's...do you want another reason to dislike Manchester United and Portugal winger, and recently named FIFA World Player of the Year, Cristiano Ronaldo (in the center of the photo below)?

Of course you do.

Just let him know that the Members Only jacket he proudly wore on Monday might have also been spotted in the Bon Jovi "Wanted Dead or Alive" video.

Is this just a bitter rant because I thought Torres should have won?

Well, I think we all know the answer to that.

I Take the Checks and Face the Facts

In an attempt to embrace the all-encompassing commercial morass that is Christmas in the YEAR OF OUR LORD 2008, I'm bringing you my Top 5 Nike commercials OF...THE...PAST...YEAR.

Why aren't there any Reebok commercials on the list?

Well, because if you can name a good Reebok commercial, you're a better man, woman, or child than me.

Why aren't there any Adidas commercials?

Because I'm still angry about World War II.

Why are you asking needless rhetorical questions?

I don't know. Let's move on.

Without further ado...the Top 5, in no particular order.

"Take It to the Next Level"

It's directed by Guy Ritchie, the background music is provided by Eagles of Death Metal, and it features some of the European football clubs that I love to hate the most. Plus, who doesn't love a little projectile vomiting in their commercials?

"Leave Nothing"

A steroid-abusing protagonist in Shawn Merriman? Check. One of the league's most enigmatic performers in Steven Jackson? Check. A cut from the soundtrack for Last of the Mohicans? Check. What's not to love?

"Fate"

Call me a sucker for being pulled in by a video directed by David Fincher that features a remix of "Ecstasy of Gold" from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, but I'm a huge fan of the latest edition of Nike's "Leave Nothing" series.

"Courage"

Due to the affinity that I have for "All These Things I've Done", especially after it was played non-stop during Insanity for Humanity, I liked this spot from the first viewing, but if you're giving me shots of the Serengeti, Lance Armstrong-homage footage, and John McEnroe's frizzy afro? Well, that's solid gold, my friends.

"Candyman"

Perhaps if you've never held chalk, baby powder, or flour in your hands and felt its power, this commercial might not mean anything to you. If you have, though, and know that feeling of pure joy when the flour leaves your hands bound for some poor sap's face, you can relate to LeBron.

As always, dear readers, let me know where I've gone wrong with my picks.

P.S. Any blame for the idea of Top-5 lists should fall on this guy.

I Was Meant to Tread the Water

I must give Andrew Tuegel credit where credit is due for bringing the following point to my attention:

Since the U.S. Treasury/Federal Reserve of New York decided to bailout AIG last week with a $85 billion dollar loan, you and I, the American taxpayers, now tangentially support the English Evil Empire, Manchester United.

I cannot speak for you on this issue, but as for myself, this sits about as well as a midnight chili-cheese dog.

Call your congressman.

Call your congresswoman.

Call your senator.

Call Hank Paulson.

Call Ben Bernanke.

Sure, they're all going to tell that this is just another piece in the ongoing effort of avoiding a global financial meltdown, but let's be honest here: Some things are bigger than global stability, my friends.

For instance, my ability to sleep at night without waking up in a cold sweat knowing that a portion of my hard-earned dollars are going towards further subsidization of Ronaldo's diving.

Everyone Is a Burning Sun

Something tells me this ad isn't playing too well right now in the Houston-Galveston area.

Oh, and lest I forget, the Good Guys defeated the English Evil Empire this morning by a 2-1 scoreline.

Goals from Carlos Tevez (Man. U.), Wes Brown (own goal), and Ryan Babel can be found here.

You Can Rely On Me Honey

Once again, congratulations to Mr. Peter Pope for correctly naming "My Sundown" by Jimmy Eat World as the Monday Song of the Day. The Song of the Day is becoming Peter's own personal fiefdom, and frankly, I expect more competition out of the other readers of this here blog. That's not to say that I'm not impressed by Mr. Pope's current run, but in the spirit of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, let's have a little parity here, folks.

Tomorrow morning, my friends, the greatest domestic football match in the world takes place at Anfield.

VERSUS

Choose your allegiances carefully lest you raise my, or, more importantly, God's wrath.

Current Reading
Guests of the Ayatollah: The First Battle in America's War with Militant Islam by Mark Bowden

I Wanna Bust All Your Balloons, I Wanna Burn All of Your Cities to the Ground

Congratulations to Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

Speaking of Oasis, let's talk about the big, I mean BIG, news in the English Premier League this week. Manchester City (or City to their fans) were purchased this week by the Abu Dhabi United Group, which is a subsidiary of the United Arab Emirates' sovereign wealth fund, the Abu Dhabi Investment Authority.

The ADIA has possibly, oh, let's just say somewhere north of $875 billion worth of assets to possibly devote towards Manchester's current second citizens (behind the English Evil Empire).

What does all this mean?

Well, as they say, if money, and not love, really makes the world go 'round, City may be a force to reckon with in English and European football in the years to come. Almost immediately after the takeover by ADUG, the City front office swept in to sign Brazilian forward Robinho from Real Madrid despite numerous reports liking the talented 24-year old with Chelsea F.C. This is the functional equivalent of the guy who just won the lottery swooping in to purchase the last remaining Bentley from the dealership before Donald Trump knows what hit him.

On the bright side, at least Liverpool/Rangers owner Tom Hicks is receiving tons of money from the Boys in Arlington...oh wait, less than 13,000 people showed up at the Ballpark yesterday.

The apocalypse is 'nigh, my friends.

We Forgot All the Names That, The Names We Used To Know

As if the world were not bleak enough with the Reverend Jesse Jackson threatening to castrate Barack Obama, the Sports Guy going on a ten-week hiatus, Iran firing off missiles as if it were the wayward teenager at the family 4th of July picnic, and Brett Favre splitting in a not-so-amicable fashion from Green Bay, this picture had to pop up on one of my favorite blogs.

In a moment of feverish reflection (probably an oxymoron), I sought to determine where things became so discombobulated. Was it not enough that this man must carry the scourge of 'N Sync membership around for the rest of his life? What about the fact that he introduced that convenient euphemism "wardrobe malfunction" to the American public? Also, the fact that he once dated the most insane woman this side of Eva Braun cannot be ignored.

As if all that were not enough, the man must torture, I repeat TORTURE, himself by cheering for the English Evil Empire, that malevolent entity known as Manchester United Football Club. Shame on you, Mr. Timberlake. I hope your next album has lower performance numbers than Gigli.

All of That's What the Point is Not

Despite the likelihood that this commercial is shot from the perspective of Arsenal FC, and Netherlands international, striker Robin Van Persie, it still gets the Running Down a Dream seal of approval.

The video was directed by Guy Ritchie, he of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, and Madonna spousal fame.

Talk About Us Instead, Talk About Why Did It End

Perhaps you dreamt that the coverage of The Beautiful Game had disappeared from the pages of Running Down a Dream, but you were wrong, my friends, oh so wrong.

Last night in Nashville, the U.S. Men's National Team secured a spot in the Beijing Olympics with a 3-0 victory over our neighbors to the north, Canada, also known by some as "America's Hat".The preceding picture probably destroyed whatever Canuck readership I had for this blog, but judging from the visitor location map to your right, I think I'm going to be okay without that portion of my audience. Well, at least for a few days.

Anyway, here's a video of all 3 goals from the match, including two free-kick goals from your friend and mine, Freddy Adu.

You know what? Judging by the venom that I receive for soccer posts, I'm just going to combine my weekly Liverpool post into this one simply to spite all of you.

The draw for the Champions League quarterfinals and semifinals was last Friday, and the results look a little something like this:

• Manchester United (England) v. AS Roma (Italy)
• FC Barcelona v. Schalke (Germany)
• Chelsea (England) v. Fenerbahce (Turkey)
• Arsenal FC (England) v. Liverpool FC (England)

Yes, that's right. Liverpool somehow managed to draw Arsenal in the Round of 8, and if the Reds progress past the Gunners, they have the joy of (most likely) meeting Chelsea for what would be their third Champions League semifinal clash in the last 4 years with the Blues.

I'm not saying Man. U. paid off anyone at UEFA, but if you see some European guys with new dental work in the near future, well, you know where the cash for that came from, don't you?

Bells are Chiming for Victory

At this point, we've all read the stories about the U.S.-launched missile that destroyed a National Reconnaissance Office satellite late Wednesday night, but in the words of George Oscar Bluth II (G.O.B. to his friends), "COME ON, U.S. military."

Aren't there other uses for the munitions of the United States, such as...

• Yankee Stadium
• The studios filming any one of the thousand "CSI: (Insert American City here)"
• Old Trafford
• The headquarters of the Blahg
• Jose Canseco's house, Roger Clemens's house, Barry Bonds's house, etc.
• The source of the immortal "Don't tase me, bro" catchphrase
• People still voting for Mitt Romney weeks after he dropped (excuse me, suspended) his Presidential campaign.
• Any supporters of the Philadelphia Eagles, New York Giants, or New England Patriots.
• The person that invented speed limits
• Charlie Finley and John Hedyler (the brain trust behind the designated hitter rule)

That's all the punishment I can dole out at this time, but feel free to add your own suggestions.

I Wonder, Is There Anything I'm Going to Miss?

Despite the fact that the following piece was drawn from The Sun (the leading English tabloid as well as the paper with the highest circulation of any English-language newspaper in the world), I must give credit to Mr. Andrew Tuegel for passing along: "Obama Forever Blowing Bubbles". If that headline seems a bit odd, let me explain.

Due to family connections in Britain, Obama apparently became a West Ham United supporter five years ago and continues to follow the Hammers as closely as possible given his current, ahem, obligations.

“He never really followed it, though, until he was told all about the passion of West Ham fans by some of his English relatives. He’s always keen to find out how his adopted club are getting on.”

Now, Obama's support of West Ham United is certainly not as enticing as if he, John McCain, or any other candidate were to reveal that they supported, oh say, Liverpool. That would be an automatic vote-clincher in my book. Nonetheless, a possible President who follows the Hammers is much more palatable than what you are about to read.

Rival Hillary, 60, has been linked with Man Utd after hubby Bill, the ex-President, revealed the Reds were his favourite team.

Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen, the Clintons support the English-version of the Evil Empire. Perhaps you disagree with the Clintons on policy matters or maybe it is more a visceral opposition to the return of "Billary", but I can tell you this: We do not need Man. U. supporters in the Oval Office.

Go forth and do what you must, faithful readers.

Nobody Said It Was Easy, No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

Congratulations to Ms. Stacy Villescas for correctly naming "A Day in the Life" by the Beatles as the Thursday Song of the Day. Stacy, if you want to think of a win in the illustrious Song of the Day contest as my Christmas gift to you, so be it.

The UEFA Champions League first knockout round draw was held this morning at UEFA headquarters in Nyon, Switzerland. Here's how things shook out for Europe's elite footballing clubs:

• Arsenal FC (England) v. AC Milan (Italy and current Champions League title holders)



• Olympique Lyonnais (France) v. Manchester United FC (England)



• Celtic FC (Scotland) v. FC Barcelona (Spain)



• Schalke 04 (Germany) v. FC Porto (Portugal)



• AS Roma (Italy) v. Real Madrid CF (Spain)



• Olympiacos CFP (Greece) v. Chelsea FC (England)



• Fenerbahce (Turkey) v. FC Sevilla (Spain)

And the moment you've all been waiting for...

Liverpool FC v. Internazionale Milan (Italy)

Yes, that's right, Liverpool drew the two-time defending Serie A champions who also happen to be on a 16 game unbeaten run to open the 2007-2008 Serie A campaign. Does that mean that the Liverpool faithful will not be thrilled by the chance to take down Inter and claim victory in the legendary San Siro? No sir. Every one of the teams left in the competition at this point is capable of greatness and the Reds must live by the maxim of "Face them now or face them later."

In the other matchups, the Arsenal-AC Milan matches are going to be outstanding. It is always fun to watch the old guard take on the up-and-comers and this is definitely the case with Arsene Wenger's "kids" taking on the battle-hardened lineup from AC Milan. At this point, I'm going with Arsenal to progress.
Man. U., as usual, drew a Lyon side that is talented, but at this point must be considered among the weaker remaining teams in the field of 16. Barring any significant injuries between now and February, I'm picking Man. U. to win this matchup in a fairly easy fashion. It pains me just to write that.
The Celtic-Barcelona matches are probably going to a more entertaining version of the Rangers (Scotland)-Barcelona matches during the Group Stages. I have no doubt that Celtic Park will be a sight to behold when Barca come calling, but I think that Ronaldinho, Messi, Henry, Eto'o, Deco & Co. will just be too much for Celtic to contain; Barca moves on to the Round of 8.
The Schalke-Porto matchup is a combination of some of the lesser-known teams remaining in the competition but the Germans clawed back from an early deficit to claim the second qualifying spot from Group B and Porto won Group A, the same group as Liverpool. Even though Schalke is a strong team, I think the individual brilliance of Porto's playmakers like Quaresma, Lisandro Lopez, Sektioui, and Lucho Gonzales will guide the Portuguese giants to victory.
Roma-Real Madrid presents a very interesting Round of 16 matchup due to the star power and name recognition presented by both sides. I know that there are a lot of people who are pointing to Madrid as the team that will the trophy in Moscow, but I have to go with Roma in this matchup. The leadership of Francesco Totti and the brilliance of Mancini will lead the Italian side to the Round of 8.
Olympiacos versus Cheslea is a case of a relatively unknown team against a squad that is world-renowned. It should be noted that key Chelsea players such as Didier Drogba, Michael Essien, and John Obi Mikel will be back from national team duty at the African Cup of Nations in time for these matches, and I expect Chelsea to advance from this pairing. You don't know how much I endured composing that last sentence as well.
Finally, Fenerbahce versus Sevilla, even more than Schalke versus Porto, presents a matchup between the competition's two dark horses. Even though Sevilla has won the last two UEFA cups (the NIT to the Champions League's NCAA tournament), they still manage to fly under the radar thanks to the fact that they play in the same league as media darlings Real Madrid and Barcelona. In what will no doubt be some highly entertaining matches, I see Fenerbahce advancing to the Round of 8.

Remember kids, it's the most wonderful time of the year.