I Know You Haven't Made Your Mind Up Yet

In the spirit of further alienating my readership by engaging in a process of self-aggrandizement, I'm taking this opportunity to get my Champions League predictions out there for all the world to see (as if it, or you, cared) before the Knockout Stages begin later today back on "The Continent" and Mother England.

If you are like my Dad and wonder,"Now which competition is this one?", well, I have the answer for you, courtesy of that fount of all (slightly reputable) knowledge, Wikipedia:

The UEFA Champions League, which evolved from the European Champion Clubs' Cup, is a seasonal club football competition organised by UEFA since 1992 (or overall in its older format since 1955) for the most successful football clubs in Europe. The prize, the European Champion Clubs' Cup (more commonly known as the European Cup), is the most prestigious club trophy in the sport.

Armed with that knowledge, I give you the following predictions for which clubs will advance to the Round of 8 (predicted winners in bold):

• Chelsea FC (England) vs. Juventus FC (Italy)

Readers of this blog know that my dislike for Chelsea is only surpassed by my dislike for the English Evil Empire, but my choice of Juventus here is not motivated solely by dislike for the West Londoners, but my belief that Juventus will be able to put the defensive vise-grip on a Chelsea side that has struggled to score goals as of late. Sorry, Johnny Boy.

• Villareal FC (Spain) vs. Panathinaikos FC (Greece)

I would be lying to you if I thought that I could provide any type of in-depth insight on this matchup, but since Villareal is playing well right now in La Liga and they have the American-born scoring machine that is Giuseppe Rossi leading the attack, I'm going with the "Yellow Submarine" from Spain to advance.

• Sporting CP (Portugal) vs. FC Bayern Munich (Germany)

Toni, Ribery, Klose, Podolski, Ze Roberto, Schweinsteiger and the rest of the reigning German Bundesliga champs will be too much for one of weaker teams remaining in the competition to handle. Bayern wins this one going away.

• Atletico Madrid (Spain) vs. FC Porto (Portugal)

Atletico Madrid, besides being the former club of one Fernando Torres, gave Liverpool all they could handle during the Group Stages, and I fully expect them to advance past a Porto side that is not quite as strong as they have been in past years. Atletico striker Sergio Aguero, who is Argentinian, is currently adjusting to life on the Argentine national team playing for his father-in-law, Diego Maradona, who is widely known as one of the greatest players of all time. It's the Argentinian equivalent of LeBron playing on the U.S. National Team for his father-in-law Michael Jordan, only if Jordan had history as a rampant cheater and one time cocaine addict. So, basically it's nothing like that.

• Olympique Lyon (France) vs. FC Barcelona (Spain)

In what should be one of the more high-scoring matchups of the round, look for Barcelona to mow through the French like the German Army in 1940. Also, if you have not been following the exploits of the phenom that is Barcelona's Lionel Messi, here's a sample of what he's capable of with a soccer ball at his feet.

• Arsenal FC (England) vs. AS Roma (Italy)

Out of the other clubs in England's so-called "Big Four" I have the most affection for Arsenal, but they have been quite toothless recently in front of the goal, and I think the Italians can steal a crucial win today at the Emirates Stadium in England. Also, when Arsenal goes to Rome in early March for the second-leg, their fans will be less concerned with supporting their team and more concerned with how to avoid getting shanked by the Roma fans. Hooligans, they're FANNNNTASTIC!!!!

• FC Internazionale Milan (Italy) vs. Manchester United FC (England)

It's the English Evil Empire versus the club that Liverpool knocked out of the tournament at the same stage in last year's competition. At this point, I'm going with the "Doubting Thomas" corollary, in that I have to see Man. U. actually lose before I'm going to pick against them in a two-legged competition. That was as painful for me to write as it was for you to read.

• CF Real Madrid (Spain) vs. Liverpool FC (England)

Even though the Reds have had some recent hiccups, including Sunday's home draw against Manchester City, and Real Madrid has been lighting La Liga on fire lately, I still think Liverpool will emerge victorious. Torres is going to relish his trip to Madrid tomorrow night to play against the club he grew up despising, and Gerrard's return to the lineup after a three-week absence will provide the necessary spark that Liverpool needs to get past the Spanish juggernaut.