I Know I Look Tired but Everything's Fried Here in Memphis

Part XXII (My Response)

I'm not saying that the "bulbous, hairy, occassionally inebriated dudes" always intend to follow their chosen team because they know that doing so will allow them to express and experience all of those emotions. I'm saying that sometimes we do things because we know how they make us feel, even if we don't understand exactly why.

It's funny that you labeled yourself a "sports heretic" a couple of emails ago, because I've heard Bill Simmons refer to Chuck Klosterman as a "sports atheist." The difference in the labels is that Klosterman has no team to which he attaches himself, and we all know Simmons' rooting loyalties rather well now, but you do have teams that you follow. As you've said, though, this following does not include getting pulled into some sort of funk when the Blue Devils, Evil Empire, or Lakers lose. It also probably means that you don't get too excited when they win either. You appreciate the act of following the team and enjoying the games, but you don't allow it to affect your emotional state. That's undoubtedly the healthier route as a sports fan.

On the other hand, though, you have people that you have already mentioned who go into a self-destructive tailspin whenever their team loses and go out and overturn cop cars and assault police horses when their team wins a title. I think the reason for the self-destructive tendencies is explained very well in Nick Hornby's book "Fever Pitch", which is Hornby's memoir on his life as a supporter of Arsenal FC in the English Premier League.

Let's leave aside for a moment any Red Sox-related associations you may have with the words "Fever" and "Pitch" and reflect on Hornby's work. He explained that at times when Arsenal would climb to the top of the standings in England only to come up with ever more creative ways of losing games and squandering their season, he was also going through a really rough patch in his own life. The struggles of Arsenal on the pitch came to mirror his own struggles, whether those be romantic, financial, or emotional. Once his life turned around, he still cared about Arsenal, but the times when they would horribly collapse, it didn't affect him as much. I guess the moral of his story is that people use sports as an escape from some of the drudgery of everyday life, and when sports leads to disappointment as well, people allow those feelings to take root.

I Know You Haven't Made Your Mind Up Yet

In the spirit of further alienating my readership by engaging in a process of self-aggrandizement, I'm taking this opportunity to get my Champions League predictions out there for all the world to see (as if it, or you, cared) before the Knockout Stages begin later today back on "The Continent" and Mother England.

If you are like my Dad and wonder,"Now which competition is this one?", well, I have the answer for you, courtesy of that fount of all (slightly reputable) knowledge, Wikipedia:

The UEFA Champions League, which evolved from the European Champion Clubs' Cup, is a seasonal club football competition organised by UEFA since 1992 (or overall in its older format since 1955) for the most successful football clubs in Europe. The prize, the European Champion Clubs' Cup (more commonly known as the European Cup), is the most prestigious club trophy in the sport.

Armed with that knowledge, I give you the following predictions for which clubs will advance to the Round of 8 (predicted winners in bold):

• Chelsea FC (England) vs. Juventus FC (Italy)

Readers of this blog know that my dislike for Chelsea is only surpassed by my dislike for the English Evil Empire, but my choice of Juventus here is not motivated solely by dislike for the West Londoners, but my belief that Juventus will be able to put the defensive vise-grip on a Chelsea side that has struggled to score goals as of late. Sorry, Johnny Boy.

• Villareal FC (Spain) vs. Panathinaikos FC (Greece)

I would be lying to you if I thought that I could provide any type of in-depth insight on this matchup, but since Villareal is playing well right now in La Liga and they have the American-born scoring machine that is Giuseppe Rossi leading the attack, I'm going with the "Yellow Submarine" from Spain to advance.

• Sporting CP (Portugal) vs. FC Bayern Munich (Germany)

Toni, Ribery, Klose, Podolski, Ze Roberto, Schweinsteiger and the rest of the reigning German Bundesliga champs will be too much for one of weaker teams remaining in the competition to handle. Bayern wins this one going away.

• Atletico Madrid (Spain) vs. FC Porto (Portugal)

Atletico Madrid, besides being the former club of one Fernando Torres, gave Liverpool all they could handle during the Group Stages, and I fully expect them to advance past a Porto side that is not quite as strong as they have been in past years. Atletico striker Sergio Aguero, who is Argentinian, is currently adjusting to life on the Argentine national team playing for his father-in-law, Diego Maradona, who is widely known as one of the greatest players of all time. It's the Argentinian equivalent of LeBron playing on the U.S. National Team for his father-in-law Michael Jordan, only if Jordan had history as a rampant cheater and one time cocaine addict. So, basically it's nothing like that.

• Olympique Lyon (France) vs. FC Barcelona (Spain)

In what should be one of the more high-scoring matchups of the round, look for Barcelona to mow through the French like the German Army in 1940. Also, if you have not been following the exploits of the phenom that is Barcelona's Lionel Messi, here's a sample of what he's capable of with a soccer ball at his feet.

• Arsenal FC (England) vs. AS Roma (Italy)

Out of the other clubs in England's so-called "Big Four" I have the most affection for Arsenal, but they have been quite toothless recently in front of the goal, and I think the Italians can steal a crucial win today at the Emirates Stadium in England. Also, when Arsenal goes to Rome in early March for the second-leg, their fans will be less concerned with supporting their team and more concerned with how to avoid getting shanked by the Roma fans. Hooligans, they're FANNNNTASTIC!!!!

• FC Internazionale Milan (Italy) vs. Manchester United FC (England)

It's the English Evil Empire versus the club that Liverpool knocked out of the tournament at the same stage in last year's competition. At this point, I'm going with the "Doubting Thomas" corollary, in that I have to see Man. U. actually lose before I'm going to pick against them in a two-legged competition. That was as painful for me to write as it was for you to read.

• CF Real Madrid (Spain) vs. Liverpool FC (England)

Even though the Reds have had some recent hiccups, including Sunday's home draw against Manchester City, and Real Madrid has been lighting La Liga on fire lately, I still think Liverpool will emerge victorious. Torres is going to relish his trip to Madrid tomorrow night to play against the club he grew up despising, and Gerrard's return to the lineup after a three-week absence will provide the necessary spark that Liverpool needs to get past the Spanish juggernaut.

I Take the Checks and Face the Facts

In an attempt to embrace the all-encompassing commercial morass that is Christmas in the YEAR OF OUR LORD 2008, I'm bringing you my Top 5 Nike commercials OF...THE...PAST...YEAR.

Why aren't there any Reebok commercials on the list?

Well, because if you can name a good Reebok commercial, you're a better man, woman, or child than me.

Why aren't there any Adidas commercials?

Because I'm still angry about World War II.

Why are you asking needless rhetorical questions?

I don't know. Let's move on.

Without further ado...the Top 5, in no particular order.

"Take It to the Next Level"

It's directed by Guy Ritchie, the background music is provided by Eagles of Death Metal, and it features some of the European football clubs that I love to hate the most. Plus, who doesn't love a little projectile vomiting in their commercials?

"Leave Nothing"

A steroid-abusing protagonist in Shawn Merriman? Check. One of the league's most enigmatic performers in Steven Jackson? Check. A cut from the soundtrack for Last of the Mohicans? Check. What's not to love?

"Fate"

Call me a sucker for being pulled in by a video directed by David Fincher that features a remix of "Ecstasy of Gold" from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, but I'm a huge fan of the latest edition of Nike's "Leave Nothing" series.

"Courage"

Due to the affinity that I have for "All These Things I've Done", especially after it was played non-stop during Insanity for Humanity, I liked this spot from the first viewing, but if you're giving me shots of the Serengeti, Lance Armstrong-homage footage, and John McEnroe's frizzy afro? Well, that's solid gold, my friends.

"Candyman"

Perhaps if you've never held chalk, baby powder, or flour in your hands and felt its power, this commercial might not mean anything to you. If you have, though, and know that feeling of pure joy when the flour leaves your hands bound for some poor sap's face, you can relate to LeBron.

As always, dear readers, let me know where I've gone wrong with my picks.

P.S. Any blame for the idea of Top-5 lists should fall on this guy.

They Won't Make It Home, but They Really Don't Care

I realize that at various points in this history of this blog, I've been chastised by my dear readers for going on ad nauseam about Liverpool, European football, soccer, so on and so forth, Bob Loblaw, ahem, blah, blah, blah.

All of that will change this Sunday, though, my friends. I'll be doing my own small part in fighting the Global War on Terror* as I support Liverpool F.C. in their battle against Arsenal F.C. and I encourage you to join me.

Justin, what in the world do you mean?

Is Arsenal F.C. a hot-bed for jihadists intent on taking down the very foundations of Western Civilization?

Sadly enough, not even I can sustain that level of hyperbole, but I can tell you this: A vote for Liverpool is vote against Arsenal, and a vote against Arsenal is a vote against Public Enemy Number One, Osama bin Laden.

VERSUS

Premiership giants Arsenal have barred Bin Laden from the ground after discovering that the terrorist leader is a big fan of the club.

"We've seen the reports in the papers. Clearly he wouldn't be welcome at Highbury in the future," said a club spokesman.

According to revelations in a new biography of the world's most wanted man, Bin Laden became fanatical about the team in the 1990s when he was staying in the capital.

"Fanatical About Football" courtesy of BBC Sport. Granted, the story is over 7 years old, but it's just too much fun to pass up.

*Used with the express written permission of George W. Bush.

All of That's What the Point is Not

Despite the likelihood that this commercial is shot from the perspective of Arsenal FC, and Netherlands international, striker Robin Van Persie, it still gets the Running Down a Dream seal of approval.

The video was directed by Guy Ritchie, he of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, and Madonna spousal fame.

I Wish I Was the Evidence, I Wish I Was the Grounds

Chalk another one up on the “Great European nights at Anfield” tribute board. There is no better place to be in the world when Liverpool pull off a victory like this. The walls shake, the roof rattles and the ears are strained to exploding point.

Rafa Benitez’s Reds performed another Champions League miracle after twice looking like they were heading out of the competition last night. Now it is a third semi-final showdown with Chelsea in four years — and you would not bet against Rafa doing the business once again.

"Liverpool 4 Arsenal 2: Aggregate 5-3" by Shaun Custis in The Sun.

Fair warning to Running Down a Dream readers of all ages: there will probably be a vagabond around these parts for the next month spewing pro-Chelsea F.C. rhetoric. He goes by the moniker "IMV". You might know him as John Middleton. Don't fall prey to his schemes.
As always, believe in the Reds, my dear readers. They will never steer you wrong.

It's the Picket Line or the Parade

Congratulations to Mr. Luke Reeves as the winner of last week's Caption Contest for his submission of the following entry on the "jumping bull" picture:

[Camera man directly underneath bull with arm raised] "Ok Babe, I'm no doc but I'll give it a shot. You're gonna need to turn your head and cough."

Granted, Luke was the only person who took the time last week to enter the contest, but there is something to be said for his persistence, my friends. Shame on the rest of you.

This Week's Photo

My submission: "At long last, the true effects of sitting in front of a Lite-Brite map of the world night after night were revealed to a shocked nation."

As always, place your entries in the Comments Section. The Caption Contest runs through Sunday (4/6).

Now if you will excuse me, I'm off to Dick Cheney's "undisclosed location" to avoid spoilers related to the Liverpool-Arsenal Champions League quarterfinal match taking place at THIS.VERY.MOMENT.

Talk About Us Instead, Talk About Why Did It End

Perhaps you dreamt that the coverage of The Beautiful Game had disappeared from the pages of Running Down a Dream, but you were wrong, my friends, oh so wrong.

Last night in Nashville, the U.S. Men's National Team secured a spot in the Beijing Olympics with a 3-0 victory over our neighbors to the north, Canada, also known by some as "America's Hat".The preceding picture probably destroyed whatever Canuck readership I had for this blog, but judging from the visitor location map to your right, I think I'm going to be okay without that portion of my audience. Well, at least for a few days.

Anyway, here's a video of all 3 goals from the match, including two free-kick goals from your friend and mine, Freddy Adu.

You know what? Judging by the venom that I receive for soccer posts, I'm just going to combine my weekly Liverpool post into this one simply to spite all of you.

The draw for the Champions League quarterfinals and semifinals was last Friday, and the results look a little something like this:

• Manchester United (England) v. AS Roma (Italy)
• FC Barcelona v. Schalke (Germany)
• Chelsea (England) v. Fenerbahce (Turkey)
• Arsenal FC (England) v. Liverpool FC (England)

Yes, that's right. Liverpool somehow managed to draw Arsenal in the Round of 8, and if the Reds progress past the Gunners, they have the joy of (most likely) meeting Chelsea for what would be their third Champions League semifinal clash in the last 4 years with the Blues.

I'm not saying Man. U. paid off anyone at UEFA, but if you see some European guys with new dental work in the near future, well, you know where the cash for that came from, don't you?

I Can't Seem to Face Up to the Facts

Note: Non-soccer fans, please don't skip this post because you see a depiction of the beautiful game. I can forgive you skipping over my Liverpool posts, but I have another reason for this entry.

As someone who is 24 and understands what it means to have your entire life ahead of you, it was hard to read, and see, the stories today regarding Arsenal striker Eduardo Da Silva's horrific leg injury.

Eduardo, (he's Brazilian, so I'm only using the first name in honor of Cris), who also happens to be 24, had his leg broken in three places by this tackle from Birmingham City F.C.'s skipper Martin Taylor. I would place the resulting picture in the body of the post, but since it is more than a little unsettling, I'm giving you the option of seeing it if you wish.

For those who are okay with compound fractures and displaced joints, you can click here. I'm warning you, though. Human ankles should not look like that.

After the match, Arsenal manager Arsene Wegner went as far as to suggest that Taylor should receive a lifetime ban from the English Premier League for such a tackle, but Wenger has since retracted that statement. A quick glance at the following photo taken by the BBC at the match tells you everything you need to know about the severity of Eduardo's injury and the shocked reaction of everyone else on the pitch to his cries for help.In an unforgiving game like soccer, where a striker's worth is calculated by his ability to cut and accelerate past defenders, some are saying that such a debilitating injury could signal the end of Eduardo's career in the top level of international football. Everyone who reads this blog knows where my loyalties lie in the world of European football, but to see such a talented figure's career take a potentially fatal blow was difficult, even more so because of the seemingly reckless manner of the challenge by Taylor.

Taylor's current manager, Alex McLeish, and former manager, Steve Bruce, were quick to come to Taylor's defense in asserting that he is not a dirty player and there was nothing malicious in the challenge, and to a certain extent, it's difficult to fathom a person who would set out to cause such a catastrophic injury. What I am sure of is this: besides Eduardo, the person who probably feels the worst about this is Taylor himself. I have no idea what it feels like to carry the knowledge that you might have ended the career of a promising young star in such a reckless manner, but Taylor does, and that is his burden to carry.

Nobody Said It Was Easy, No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

Congratulations to Ms. Stacy Villescas for correctly naming "A Day in the Life" by the Beatles as the Thursday Song of the Day. Stacy, if you want to think of a win in the illustrious Song of the Day contest as my Christmas gift to you, so be it.

The UEFA Champions League first knockout round draw was held this morning at UEFA headquarters in Nyon, Switzerland. Here's how things shook out for Europe's elite footballing clubs:

• Arsenal FC (England) v. AC Milan (Italy and current Champions League title holders)



• Olympique Lyonnais (France) v. Manchester United FC (England)



• Celtic FC (Scotland) v. FC Barcelona (Spain)



• Schalke 04 (Germany) v. FC Porto (Portugal)



• AS Roma (Italy) v. Real Madrid CF (Spain)



• Olympiacos CFP (Greece) v. Chelsea FC (England)



• Fenerbahce (Turkey) v. FC Sevilla (Spain)

And the moment you've all been waiting for...

Liverpool FC v. Internazionale Milan (Italy)

Yes, that's right, Liverpool drew the two-time defending Serie A champions who also happen to be on a 16 game unbeaten run to open the 2007-2008 Serie A campaign. Does that mean that the Liverpool faithful will not be thrilled by the chance to take down Inter and claim victory in the legendary San Siro? No sir. Every one of the teams left in the competition at this point is capable of greatness and the Reds must live by the maxim of "Face them now or face them later."

In the other matchups, the Arsenal-AC Milan matches are going to be outstanding. It is always fun to watch the old guard take on the up-and-comers and this is definitely the case with Arsene Wenger's "kids" taking on the battle-hardened lineup from AC Milan. At this point, I'm going with Arsenal to progress.
Man. U., as usual, drew a Lyon side that is talented, but at this point must be considered among the weaker remaining teams in the field of 16. Barring any significant injuries between now and February, I'm picking Man. U. to win this matchup in a fairly easy fashion. It pains me just to write that.
The Celtic-Barcelona matches are probably going to a more entertaining version of the Rangers (Scotland)-Barcelona matches during the Group Stages. I have no doubt that Celtic Park will be a sight to behold when Barca come calling, but I think that Ronaldinho, Messi, Henry, Eto'o, Deco & Co. will just be too much for Celtic to contain; Barca moves on to the Round of 8.
The Schalke-Porto matchup is a combination of some of the lesser-known teams remaining in the competition but the Germans clawed back from an early deficit to claim the second qualifying spot from Group B and Porto won Group A, the same group as Liverpool. Even though Schalke is a strong team, I think the individual brilliance of Porto's playmakers like Quaresma, Lisandro Lopez, Sektioui, and Lucho Gonzales will guide the Portuguese giants to victory.
Roma-Real Madrid presents a very interesting Round of 16 matchup due to the star power and name recognition presented by both sides. I know that there are a lot of people who are pointing to Madrid as the team that will the trophy in Moscow, but I have to go with Roma in this matchup. The leadership of Francesco Totti and the brilliance of Mancini will lead the Italian side to the Round of 8.
Olympiacos versus Cheslea is a case of a relatively unknown team against a squad that is world-renowned. It should be noted that key Chelsea players such as Didier Drogba, Michael Essien, and John Obi Mikel will be back from national team duty at the African Cup of Nations in time for these matches, and I expect Chelsea to advance from this pairing. You don't know how much I endured composing that last sentence as well.
Finally, Fenerbahce versus Sevilla, even more than Schalke versus Porto, presents a matchup between the competition's two dark horses. Even though Sevilla has won the last two UEFA cups (the NIT to the Champions League's NCAA tournament), they still manage to fly under the radar thanks to the fact that they play in the same league as media darlings Real Madrid and Barcelona. In what will no doubt be some highly entertaining matches, I see Fenerbahce advancing to the Round of 8.

Remember kids, it's the most wonderful time of the year.

All the Roads We Have to Walk Are Winding

Remember all of the pathos captured in this post?

Well, as of today, all has been forgiven.

Liverpool, in a dominating 4-nil victory over Olympique de Marseille, secured a place in the final 16 of the UEFA Champions League. Goals were scored by Steven Gerrard (4th minute), Fernando Torres (11th minute), Dirk Kuyt (48th minute), and substitute Ryan Babel (90th minute).

Here's video of all 4 goals as the Reds become the first English side to ever win at the Stade Velodrome:

Tomorrow the final matches will be played for Group E, F, G, and H.

The following teams have already qualified for the knockout stages:

FC Porto (Portugal)

Liverpool FC (England)

Chelsea FC (England)

Schalke 04 (Germany)

Real Madrid CF (Spain)

Olympiacos (Greece)

AC Milan (Italy and Current Holders of Champions League Title)

Celtic FC (Scotland)

FC Barcelona (Spain)

Manchester United FC (England)

AS Roma (Italy)

Internazionale Milan (Italy)

FC Sevilla (Spain)

Arsenal FC (England)

Essentially, the final two spots in the 2007-2008 UEFA Champions League knockout stages come down to matches between Rangers FC (Scotland) and Olympique Lyonnais (France) in Group E and Fenerbahce (Turkey) and PSV Eindhoven (The Netherlands) in Group G. For the record, my money is Rangers and Fenerbahce to claim spots in the Final 16. You know, if gambling were legal.

In the excitement over the Reds living to fight on another Champions League day, one crucial point might have been missed. Due to the fact that they finished one point behind FC Porto in Group A, Liverpool must now face one of the clubs that finished atop their given group.

For instance, the Champions League has regulations that restrict a team from facing a member of their group or a team from their home country in the first knockout stage, in the Round of 16 Liverpool will either face Barcelona, Real Madrid, AC Milan, Internazionale Milan, or Sevilla. Although each of those teams are obviously very talented, I would probably want to face either Real Madrid, Sevilla, or AC Milan in the next round.

Also, don't think that my ears are deaf to the "Milan beat Liverpool in last year's Champions League final" statements. If anything, it's time for a little revenge, which as we all we know, is a dish best served cold.As always, You'll Never Walk Alone.

Fighting on Arrival, Fighting for Survival

I know that most of you don't care, and that's okay, but I felt compelled to mention that Arsenal and French national striker Thierry Henry is apparently leaving the Gunners to sign with Barcelona. Yes, the irony of a French guy playing on a team with the nickname "Gunners" also strikes me as very rich, and I will be glad to see that running joke go as he heads to Catalonia.

Now, on to other things such as underage marriages. I'm not sure how many of you have seen that story, but it's provocative to say the least. A 40-year old coach marrying one of his 16-year old students. Sure, there's all the Mary Kay LeTourneau jokes that float around in those kinds of situations, but honestly, how did her parents sign that consent form? I understand that they viewed as the "only way" to move past what had become a flashpoint with their daughter, but it seems that there are some points where parents simply have to decide against their child's wishes and in their best interest, even though that term is often an amorphous one at best.

Enough of that, on to junk science studies conducted by Old Spice. My good friend Garrett Oakley passed along a link to the following "study" as part of the ongoing debate in our friend group about which circle of hell that Houston should occupy. Garrett gleefully pointed out that Big D occupied the #3 spot on the "study" and Old San Antone held #5, while his beloved H-town was far, far behind at #12. I'm pretty sure that my astute colleague, Mr. Nate Low, was correct when he made the following assertion: "I refuse to give merit to any 'study' led by Old Spice, where its main 'fact' is that the citizens of Phoenix collectively produced enough sweat to fill more than 53,000 beer kegs in just one hour." Well said Nate, well said.

I Went to the City

When Cody mentioned the exploits of Thierry Henry in a recent post, I knew I would have to post a YouTube montage to the World's Greatest goalscorer. Watch and be amazed. Ladies and gentlemen......Thierry Henry.

P.S. I apologize for the 2 cheesy techno songs on the video, but hey, I didn't make it, so don't blame me.