Believing in Yourself Almost as Much as You Doubt

Congratulations to both Ms. Stacey Villescas and my Dad for correctly naming "Back in the U.S.S.R." by The Beatles as the Monday Song of the Day.

What's that you say? You wonder why I mention my Dad when Stacey, a.k.a. ALV, was the only person who left a comment identifying "Back in the U.S.S.R."? Well, my Dad chose to give his answer via the telephone, which until this point was within the accepted method of communicating answers, along with carrier pigeons, smoke signals, and tin cans on a string.

But, upon further consideration, I've decided that in order to avoid any Bush v. Gore-type knockdown, dragout fights, I'm proposing the following rule, and since this is my blog, I rule by fiat and my word is law.

Henceforth, all answers, in order to be considered for the Song of the Day contest, must be submitted via the comment section of "Running Down a Dream."I will not accept answers in any other form, even if they are submitted by the people that brought me into this world. This is a blog of laws, not men or women.

Govern yourself accordingly.

Come and Keep Your Comrade Warm

As noted in yesterday's post, I've recently begun reading Jeffrey Toobin's "The Nine." As I was reading the book, I flipped to the picture section in the middle (don't act like you don't do the same thing), and noticed the following picture.

We all recognize the event as President Bush's introduction of now Chief Justice John Roberts as his choice to succeed the departing Sandra Day O'Connor, but what I found interesting was the caption below the picture, which states:

"President Bush introduces Roberts as his nominee to replace O'Connor on July 19, 2005. To the side are Roberts' wfie, Jane, and daughter, Josephine. His son, Jack, is imitating Spider-Man."

To which I say, "Jack Roberts, that's the worst Spider-Man impression I HAVE EVER SEEN."

If the caption had said that Jack Roberts was imitating the Damon Wayans-version of "The Robot" in Major Payne, I could have accepted that. If it would have said that he was doing the world's worst sleight of hand trick by hiding something in his pocket, I could have accepted that. Do you think David Blaine is going to give you the call-up to the magic big leagues with those kind of bush-league tactics? Not happening.

But an imitation of Spider-Man? No way, young Jack Roberts. Does Spider-Man patrol the mean streets in a seersucker short suit and saddle shoes? No way in Hades, unless he wants to end up on the business end of a swirly.

With that said, I hope you're reading this, Jack. I hope that as we approach the 5-year anniversary of this event this summer, perhaps you've learned your lesson in imitating Peter Parker. There's nothing more embarrassing than kids who can't properly imitate superheroes.

Come All Without, Come All Within

The Rangers announced today that some guy who used to be involved with the team and splits his time between Crawford and Dallas will throw out the first pitch at next Monday's home opener against the Indigenous Persons Residing Near the Convergence of the Cuyahoga River and Lake Erie.

Whether you love or hate the most recent ex-president is not the issue up for debate here today, ladies and gentlemen.

The true question is this:
Why does the President (or ex-President) traditionally throw out a ceremonial first pitch at the beginning of a baseball season but does not perform a similar task at the beginning of the season for other sports?

They Won't Make It Home, but They Really Don't Care

I realize that at various points in this history of this blog, I've been chastised by my dear readers for going on ad nauseam about Liverpool, European football, soccer, so on and so forth, Bob Loblaw, ahem, blah, blah, blah.

All of that will change this Sunday, though, my friends. I'll be doing my own small part in fighting the Global War on Terror* as I support Liverpool F.C. in their battle against Arsenal F.C. and I encourage you to join me.

Justin, what in the world do you mean?

Is Arsenal F.C. a hot-bed for jihadists intent on taking down the very foundations of Western Civilization?

Sadly enough, not even I can sustain that level of hyperbole, but I can tell you this: A vote for Liverpool is vote against Arsenal, and a vote against Arsenal is a vote against Public Enemy Number One, Osama bin Laden.

VERSUS

Premiership giants Arsenal have barred Bin Laden from the ground after discovering that the terrorist leader is a big fan of the club.

"We've seen the reports in the papers. Clearly he wouldn't be welcome at Highbury in the future," said a club spokesman.

According to revelations in a new biography of the world's most wanted man, Bin Laden became fanatical about the team in the 1990s when he was staying in the capital.

"Fanatical About Football" courtesy of BBC Sport. Granted, the story is over 7 years old, but it's just too much fun to pass up.

*Used with the express written permission of George W. Bush.

Maybe All the Words Might Have Come

After watching the madness of John Madden on yet another Sunday night, I thought I would share the brilliance of a man who can wrap Madden, Pacino, Dubya, and Bill Clinton into a salient whole.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Frank Caliendo:


"And that's what that's all about."