What Have You Told Us At All?

Unless you've been living under a rock or quietly humming the "Marseillaise" to yourself all day, you've surely heard of the newest reason to hate our Gallic friends, which is depicted below:

For those of you who have even worse vision than I do, that is a picture of French striker Thierry Henry blatantly palming the ball with his left-hand before passing to an on-rushing William Gallas, who placed the ball in the back of the Irish net to tie yesterday's World Cup qualifying match at 1.

Coupled with the fact that the French won 1-0 in Dublin in the first leg of the qualifier, Gallas's now-infamous goal sent the French to the World Cup and left the Irish to sit around and ponder what June 2010 will be like leading tourists on tours of Blarney Castle instead of taking on the world's best soccer playing nations in South Africa. I thought it would be more appropriate to give Irish players the job of leading tours at Blarney Castle rather than chasing down that pesky leprechaun from the Lucky Charms box, drinking themselves into oblivion, or surviving antoher potato famine, but I digress.

Because we all know that Henry's hand-ball was only possible due to the fact that the good men and women of the U.S. Military (with assistance from other nations) liberated France not once, but twice, in the 20th century, I feel that it is within my unwritten rights as a citizen of the United States of America to bring to light other instances where the French have unjustly been rewarded:

Today's Example--

• 1879: A Hungarian named Laszlo Goulash invents what the world now knows as "french fries." Of course, we only know them as "french fries" because a Frenchman named Phillippe Depardieu made a deal with Goulash whereby Goulash would agree to lend his name to Depardieu's new dish if Goulash would also agree to allow Depardieu to name the new potato creation after Depardieu's home nation. That Goulash guy got ripped off.

Please feel free to share any other instances that you are aware of where the French have taken something that is not rightly theirs.

We're Threading Hope Like Fire

"Only in America, ladies and gentlemen. Only in America."

The following has absolutely nothing to do with A) Don King or B) boxing but who doesn't love Don King in a sequined denim jacket that resembles the American flag?

I quote the most well (or worst) coiffed man in boxing in response to the following paragraph in ESPN's game report for last night's World Cup qualifying match between the United States and Honduras, which the U.S. by a score of 2-1, by the way.

A crowd of 55,647 attended the first-ever qualifier at Soldier Field, site of the 1994 World Cup opener. While the game was played on American soil, the dominant support was for Honduras, a Central American nation of about 7.6 million. Fans in blue and white appeared to outnumber red-clad American supporters by a 4-to-1 margin, and in the final minutes some fans threw a few cups filled with liquid at Howard.

"It's just the way it is," Dempsey said. "Maybe one day we'll have more U.S. fans."

Only in America, folks. Only in America.

A quick consultation of Google Maps for directions between Chicago and Tegucigalpa reveals the following phrase: "We could not calculate directions between Chicago, IL and Tegucigalpa, Honduras."

I'll repeat that: Google Maps could not even calculate the directions between Chicago and Honduras and their fans outnumbered U.S. supporters by an estimate of 4 to 1.

A few points before we move on, though:

• I know American people don't really dig the whole "soccer" thing.
• I know that the vast majority of the Hondurans at Soldier Field last night were probably naturalized Americans who have Honduran heritage.
• I hate to engage in stereotypes here, but I feel safe in saying that people from Latin American nations care a wee bit more about soccer than Americans do.

With all that said, my goodness folks. That paragraph is pretty depressing to read. I'm sure that Jig or Lance could regale you with stories of feeling outnumbered by supporters of the Mexican men's national team when they went to watch a friendly between the U.S. and Mexico here in Houston about two years ago, but a 4 to 1 margin screams of two things: 1. apathy and 2. a lack of national support that probably means the U.S. won't be winning the World Cup between now and, oh say, THE END OF TIME.

I cannot imagine a similar scenario taking place in another country, even if it is a sport that the U.S. dominates on the world stage. If the "Redeem Team" from the Beijing Games were to travel anywhere else in the world to play in an Olympics qualifying match, I'm going to venture a rough guess that the crowd in the arena would not be, oh, 4 Americans for every German or Italian or Ghanian or Australian.

Again, these could be the rantings of someone who has drank of the soccer kool-aid to a degree that would make Jim Jones proud (too soon? Probably not.), but I have a feeling that Don King would agree with me when I say that things like this could happen "only in America."

Don't You Know You Need Some Time All Alone

Congratulations to Ms. Stacy Villescas for correctly naming "Winding Wheel" by Ryan Adams as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

Folks, I've been trying to tell you for years now that Ronald Reagan was simultaneously referring to the U.S.S.R., the Yankees, Nickelback, and Manchester United when #40 began speaking of "an evil empire", but a story brought to my attention today by the lady friend takes the cake.

A man "angered" by Manchester United's defeat to Barcelona in the final of the Champions League killed four people when he drove a minibus into a crowd celebrating the Spanish side's victory, police in Nigeria have told CNN.

First of all, this is why soccer is captivating and, at the same time, completely insane. The fact that a group of Nigerians would be crowding into a street to celebrate the victory of a Spanish club in a European competition says much about the worldwide reach of soccer's popularity, particularly the popularity of the large European clubs such as Barcelona, Liverpool, Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, and yes, Manchester United.
I'm a huge fan of the NFL, but I don't think anyone was gathering on the street corners of Lagos, Nigeria to celebrate last year when the Steelers won the title. Well, unless they were excited about the influx of Cardinals t-shirts that would shortly be making their way across the Atlantic. Kurt Warner: He's huge in Lagos!!!

More importantly, though, this is the kind of story that continues to give soccer fandom a black-eye. In America, we have the occasional riot/drunken gathering/couch burning expedition by college students when their school brings home a national title or we have an alcohol induced dust-up between Yankees and Red Sox fans in the bleachers on a hot July afternoon. No one gets too worried about things, we all shrug it off as the normal course of events in the sporting world, and we move on without much hand-wringing or blame casting.

Can you imagine, though, if something like this happened in America, if a Patriots fan had run down 4 Giants fans in Cambridge, MA two years ago after Super Bowl XLII? I'm pretty sure Keith Olbermann's head might have exploded, although I'm not so sure that's a bad thing, but I digress.

Let's Watch the Miles Flying By

Apparently some East Texans are doing their best to make sure that hooliganism is not restricted to sporting events in Europe and South America.

Candido Garcia, 22,could face up to 20 years in prison for the incident involving two soccer teams if convicted, police said. Garcia, a fan of the team Deportivo Leon, apparently became angry after watching as a referee ruled in favor of the opposing team, Deportivo Higo, according to Lt. J.G. Smith of the Lufkin Police Department.

After an exchange of words, Garcia allegedly went after the Deportivo Higo team, stabbing coach Rogelio Juarez Castillo, 38, in the back with a knife, Smith said. Team members and fans of Deportivo Higo defended themselves against Garcia with sticks as he threatened them with the knife, Smith said.

A knife and stick showdown?

I would ask if firearms have been introduced to Lufkin, but this guy can certainly confirm that they have been.

Current Reading
The Appeal by John Grisham

I Wanna Bust All Your Balloons, I Wanna Burn All of Your Cities to the Ground

Congratulations to Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

Speaking of Oasis, let's talk about the big, I mean BIG, news in the English Premier League this week. Manchester City (or City to their fans) were purchased this week by the Abu Dhabi United Group, which is a subsidiary of the United Arab Emirates' sovereign wealth fund, the Abu Dhabi Investment Authority.

The ADIA has possibly, oh, let's just say somewhere north of $875 billion worth of assets to possibly devote towards Manchester's current second citizens (behind the English Evil Empire).

What does all this mean?

Well, as they say, if money, and not love, really makes the world go 'round, City may be a force to reckon with in English and European football in the years to come. Almost immediately after the takeover by ADUG, the City front office swept in to sign Brazilian forward Robinho from Real Madrid despite numerous reports liking the talented 24-year old with Chelsea F.C. This is the functional equivalent of the guy who just won the lottery swooping in to purchase the last remaining Bentley from the dealership before Donald Trump knows what hit him.

On the bright side, at least Liverpool/Rangers owner Tom Hicks is receiving tons of money from the Boys in Arlington...oh wait, less than 13,000 people showed up at the Ballpark yesterday.

The apocalypse is 'nigh, my friends.

Proof that Love's not Only Blind but Deaf

The inspiration from today's post comes from longtime reader Cris Carpenter. For those you who don't know, Cris is going to Brazil in September as part of Let's Start Talking. I asked Cris how much I would have to donate in order for her to influence the young Brazilian soccer phenoms to play for Liverpool and she gave me the following response: "That depends...how much is it worth to you? unfortunately for you, i am a consistent reader of your blog, therefore I am well aware of how much that team means to you. what to do, what to do?" Now, that's the kind of response I expect from an intelligent woman.

I realize that I have not written about Liverpool lately, but this is not from a lacking of caring, rather it arises from a lack of action. The Premiership is currently on a break that will end on Saturday as the Reds take on Arsenal at Anfield. Unfortunately, Arsenal striker Thierry Henry is currently nursing an injury and will not be able to play. I say that is unfortunate because Henry is probably still the world's greatest goalscorer, but I am glad that the Liverpool defense will not have to discover new ways of stopping him.

After the match with the Gunners on Saturday, the Reds will have a short break before they take on PSV Eindhoven in the first half of the Round of 8 matchup in the UEFA Champions League. For those of you who don't know, the Champions League is a competition between the football associations that make up UEFA, or the Union of European Football Associations. A certain number of teams from each country's top league make it into the Champions League tournament, which takes place each year. The Champions League Final is the biggest event on the "football" calendar each year for the rest of the world. Last year, FC Barcelona took home the title with a 2-1 victory over Arsenal at the Stade de France. After knocking out Barcelona earlier this month, hopefully the Reds can make a run at their second Champions League title in 3 years. They won the 2005 Champions League with a victory over AC Milan in Instanbul (or is it Constantinople?). The Reds were down 3-0 at halftime, but came from behind to tie the match at 3-3 and forced penalty kicks. After winning the penalty shootout, Liverpool captured its 5th European Cup and completed what many have called the greatest comeback in modern soccer.

I'm not sure if any of you have any desire to begin following the Reds as well, but if you do, I have a great place for you to start. ESPN2 will be airing the Round of 8 match live from Eindhoven on Tuesday. Don't worry, I've already anticipated one of your biggest questions. No, you don't have to wake up extra early to catch the telecast. Since the match is played in the evening in Europe, it will air at 2:30 p.m. est/1:30 cst. See, that takes away an excuse from all the sleepy head bums who read this blog. Not that any of my friends are sleepy head bums. That's a reference to all of you lurkers who peruse but never comment.

If you needed another reason to watch the match, just listen to this. Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard (soccer teams use "skipper" instead of captain) is playing very well right now. Today, he scored two goals for England in the second half of a European Championship qualifying match against Andorra. Andorra!! If you are not impressed by a guy who can score multiple goals against a tiny nation lodged between France and Spain, then I guess you just can't get excited about anything.

I'm Hiding Out in the Big City Blinking

The Champions League Round of 16 is complete. The Final 8 looks like this:

• Liverpool
• Bayern Munich
• Manchester United
• PSV Eindhoven
• Chelsea
• AC Milan
• Valencia
• Roma

The draw for the Final 8 and Final 4 pairings will be held in Athens on Friday. That's Athens, Greece, not Texas. Maybe all of you did not need that clarification, but I know that I have enough East Texas readers of this blog that some might be confused. Not that East Texans are easily confused. Sorry for the digression.

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I am going to watch 300 at some point over Spring Break. It looks like it might be a bit too "comic-booky" (if that's an adjective) for me, but the Battle of Thermopylae is one of my favorite historical events, so I'm going with my heart on this one. If you haven't seen the trailer yet, and honestly if you haven't, you've probably been living under a rock or with Thoreau out on Walden Pond, here it is.

I'll say this about the trailer. Much like you knew that the boat was going to sink in Titanic, you know that all of the Spartans are going to die in 300, but you want to go see the movie anyway.

Since I'm feeling generous on this Wednesday evening, I will also give you a peek at what some people have called the worst commercial ever. I can't decide if it's the worst or the best, but I know that it falls nowhere in between. Enjoy.

Fly the Whole Mess Into the Sea

I know that I am still in my early days as a Liverpool supporter, but something tells me that I have already been taken by the sickness. This morning as I watched the ESPN Gamecast of the match against Manchester United, I let out a loud "Nooooooooo!" when John O'Shea scored for the Red Devils in the 90th minute to give Man. U. the victory at Anfield.


Let's look at this more closely. I was watching the gamecast, not even the real game. This meant that I was staring at a computer screen with graphics detailing shots, cards, and substitutions. I couldn't even see the actual game. All I saw on my screen was "John O'Shea: Goal 90th minute", and I still yelled. I'm also in Waco, Texas. The game was played in Liverpool, England, and I still yelled. I'm beginning to worry about myself.


Note: Aunt Nancy, Uncle Gary, and Richard, I'm sorry if I woke you up. I know that I should probably not be yelling early on Saturday mornings, especially in response to soccer matches being played on another continent. I'll work on it, but there are no guarantees of improvement.

Added at 2:26 p.m.

Here's footage of O'Shea's goal. I'm already learning to hate Manchester United.

I Went to the City

When Cody mentioned the exploits of Thierry Henry in a recent post, I knew I would have to post a YouTube montage to the World's Greatest goalscorer. Watch and be amazed. Ladies and gentlemen......Thierry Henry.

P.S. I apologize for the 2 cheesy techno songs on the video, but hey, I didn't make it, so don't blame me.

Well, We Hurt Each Other and We'll Do It Again

Congratulations to Mr. Jonathan Smith for correctly naming "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. as the Tuesday Song of the Day. Jon, I think you might be the first former roommate of mine to win the Song of the Day contest. I'm pretty sure that's a noteworthy accomplishment of some sort. Be sure to place it on your updated resume. The Times or the Post will be pounding down your door.



I was very happy to see that the boys from Liverpool defeated defending UEFA Champions League winners Barcelona by a score of 2-1 today at the Camp Nou in Barcelona. The two goals for the Reds came from Craig Bellamy and John Arne Riise. Perhaps you missed the hullabaloo, but last week Bellamy was fined by Manager Rafa Benitez for reportedly hitting Riise with a golf club during an argument. Such an incident would rip a lesser team apart, but a juggernaut like Liverpool FC simply takes battery between teammates in stride and goes out and defeats the reigning European champs on their home pitch.


I'm learning to love soccer more and more each day.

I am Not Your Carpet Ride, I am the Sky

As announced on Tuesday, I decided to start following Liverpool FC as part of my journey towards becoming a fan of the "beautiful game". Well, I hope that I have not already contaminated "The Reds" with some of my Rangers fan-mediocrity because they lost yesterday 2-1 at the hands of Newcastle United.

Even though I initially thought Time Magazine's decision to make "You" the 2006 Person of the Year was a fairly lame attempt at passing the buck on actually naming President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or Kim Jong Il as the Person of the Year, I have to admit this: YouTube is a pretty darn fantastic website. Where else can you find English Premiership highlights, clips of a guy running through the history of dance (you know which clip I'm talking about), or Dave Chapelle's "Black Bush" sketch?

Thanks to YouTube, I was also able to come up with another reason why I think that I am going to love watching English soccer. Perhaps you've observed the recent backlash against the "throat-slashing" gesture that was once the chic method of celebrating a touchdown or dunk. Well, my friends, Liverpool striker Robbie Fowler took the integration of deviant behavior and athletic celebrations to the next level. Before a match between Liverpool and their rival Everton, the Everton fans were constantly harassing Fowler about his possible cocaine use. Well, as you can see from the following clip, old Robbie had something to say about their rumors.

Soccer, it's fannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnntastic!!!

Vanessa Calls Me on the Phone, Reminding Me I'm Not Alone

I wrote last week about Rangers and Stars owner Tom Hicks partnering with Montreal Canadiens owner, George Gillett, Jr. to possibly purchase Liverpool FC. Since the announcement , I spent a post-Finals weekend of relaxation watching innumerable YouTube montages documenting "The Reds" and their captain, Steven Gerrard.

I'm pretty sure that with my penchant for becoming a little bit too attached to organizations that I belong to (GSP) or teams that I follow (The Rangers), I was meant to be a soccer fan in some respect. It just seems like it's encoded on my DNA or something like that. I should mention that I only played one season of soccer. It was during the Fall of 1994 that I played for the Tyler Ajax. I'm not sure if we understood that we were named after the Homeric hero of The Iliad instead of the cleaning supply, but we played hard nonetheless.

Despite my lack of soccer-playing experience, I've always been drawn to the fervor of the game, the sheer joy that accompanies the scoring of goals, and the pageantry in the stands. Because of the preceding points, I'm here to declare that I'm going to start following Liverpool FC. Ever since I started reading about the club in The Sports Guy article on selecting a English Premier League team to follow, I thought that they would be the best to follow and the fact that Hicks is planning to purchase the club makes my fandom somewhat symmetrical. Think about it this way, at least I can blame one person for all of my fan angst in the future besides Jerry Jones.

Admittedly, I'm coming into this whole process a little late in the game. In the previously mentioned column on selecting an EPL team to follow, Simmons had this to say about Liverpool:

"Too much history, too personal, too easy, too obvious. Someone from America can't casually become a Liverpool fan, just like someone from England couldn't have casually become a Red Sox fan before 2004. I just wouldn't have felt right about it."

As much as appreciate the opinions of the Sports Guy, I'm going to go against him on this one. I'm going to start following "The Reds". If you were wondering why I think soccer is such a great spectacle, just watch the following clip of Liverpool fans singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" before a Champions League match against Juventus. These kinds of things just don't happen at Rangers games.

You are Young and Life is Long

Congrats to Stephen Baker for naming "Tonight" by TV on the Radio as Wednesday's Song of the Day.

Today, during one of my breaks from studying for tomorrow's Property II Final, I ran across this article on espn.com. Apparently, Texas Rangers and Dallas Stars owner Tom Hicks, along with Montreal Canadiens owner George Gillett, Jr., is making a bid to purchase a controlling ownership interest in the Liverpool Football Club in the English Premier League.

I'm not sure what Hicks and Gillett's chances are in this bid, but I can tell you this, Liverpool fans who worry that their club has not been able to keep up with big spenders like Manchester United, Chelsea, and Arsenal in the Premier League should not have to worry anymore if Hicks' approach to soccer ownership is anything like his approach to baseball and hockey ownership.
Liverpool stars such as Captain Steven Gerrard can look forward to being surrounded with tons of offensive talent but minimal defensive help. It's just the Hicks way of doing things. Sorry, this has been the monthly rant on the Rangers' futility. I'll try to be positive for the rest of February.

No Room for Both, Just Room for Me

How much fun is it to be a football fan? Well, like anything, it has its ups and downs.

Earlier today, I traveled to Dallas to watch my alma mater, the Whitehouse Wildcats, take on the Waco High Lions in the 4A Division II Region II Semifinals (I know, it's a mouthful). Let's just say that things did not go the Wildcats' way at John Kincaide Stadium today. After running back a fumble for a touchdown to open the game, the Wildcats did not even sniff the end zone for the rest of the game. The Lions ended up winning the game in a rout 42-7.

It's hard to find positives in a 42-7 loss, but for a team that was making its inaguaral appearance in the 3rd round of the playoffs, whatever experience you have is simply icing on the cake of an already fantastic season. It may seem odd for a young guy who is 4 years out of high school to drive 2 hours each way to watch his high school play, but I might be a much older man before I see the Wildcats this deep in the playoffs again.

This may be horrifying for my parents to read, but in the past week, I've made a big decision. Franklin Foer's How Soccer Explains the World has inspired my possible choices regarding my future. In the unforeseen chance that this whole law school thing does not work out, and there is no indication that it will not, I think I'm going to become a soccer hooligan.

In recent years I've become disturbed by the manufactured, canned experience that professional sports have become. When I watch soccer matches from other countries, I am enthralled by the constant singing, flag-waving, and chanting that fills the stadium. When I say I want to become a "hooligan", I don't mean that I want to always go around beating people over the head with lead pipes. That would only happen every other weekend.

Here's what I'm asking: I need suggestions about which team I should follow. Maybe it could be a team in the English Premier League? Perhaps the German Bundesliga? The Italian Serie A? Who knows, I could become the first ever hooligan for a MLS squad. I need to properly plan this thing so I can be ready to move when the opportunity present itself.

In the comments section, give me your suggestions and the reasons why I should choose your team. I'm thanking you in advance.

I've Never Been So Alone, and I've Never Been So Alive

I'm pretty sure that people from the North (some might call them Yankees), probably laugh at Texans when we get all worked up over weather that they consider a wintertime staple. As I drove to school today, everyone was driving very cautiously and had this look on their faces as if driving in these "terrible conditions" was more difficult than selling their first child (not that I would know what that face looks like).

Citizens of Waco, I know that it was 75 degrees less than two days ago, but let's all agree to take this weather system in stride. Agreed? Agreed.

As I've been reading through Franklin Foer's How Soccer Explains the World, I've become quite interested in his candid descriptions of soccer hooliganism in other parts of the world. I guess the closest thing that we have to hooligans in the U.S. are college students who go into full-scale riot mode when their team wins the National Title.

The second chapter of Foer's book describes the age-old rivalry that exists between the Glasgow Rangers and Glasgow Celtic. On the surface, the matchup that they call "The Old Firm" might just look like a crosstown grudge match between Glasgow's two most famous soccer clubs, but it runs much deeper than that.
In the Celtic v. Rangers series, soccer is only another vignette detailing the battle between Protestantism and Catholicism in Western Scotland. Being caught in the wrong part of town wearing the wrong colors is more than just a sporting faux pas, it may be the last mistake that you ever make.

In the United States, we love to talk about the "hatred" between the Yankees and the Red Sox, Ohio State and Michigan, and the Cowboys and Redskins (hereafter known as the Indigenous Peoples of the Greater Potomac Basin), but these fan bases simply dislike each other because of what happens on the field. In "The Old Firm", the hatred arises from where you place your eternal hope of salvation. I think that makes the stakes a bit higher.