I Know I Look Tired but Everything's Fried Here in Memphis

Part XXII (My Response)

I'm not saying that the "bulbous, hairy, occassionally inebriated dudes" always intend to follow their chosen team because they know that doing so will allow them to express and experience all of those emotions. I'm saying that sometimes we do things because we know how they make us feel, even if we don't understand exactly why.

It's funny that you labeled yourself a "sports heretic" a couple of emails ago, because I've heard Bill Simmons refer to Chuck Klosterman as a "sports atheist." The difference in the labels is that Klosterman has no team to which he attaches himself, and we all know Simmons' rooting loyalties rather well now, but you do have teams that you follow. As you've said, though, this following does not include getting pulled into some sort of funk when the Blue Devils, Evil Empire, or Lakers lose. It also probably means that you don't get too excited when they win either. You appreciate the act of following the team and enjoying the games, but you don't allow it to affect your emotional state. That's undoubtedly the healthier route as a sports fan.

On the other hand, though, you have people that you have already mentioned who go into a self-destructive tailspin whenever their team loses and go out and overturn cop cars and assault police horses when their team wins a title. I think the reason for the self-destructive tendencies is explained very well in Nick Hornby's book "Fever Pitch", which is Hornby's memoir on his life as a supporter of Arsenal FC in the English Premier League.

Let's leave aside for a moment any Red Sox-related associations you may have with the words "Fever" and "Pitch" and reflect on Hornby's work. He explained that at times when Arsenal would climb to the top of the standings in England only to come up with ever more creative ways of losing games and squandering their season, he was also going through a really rough patch in his own life. The struggles of Arsenal on the pitch came to mirror his own struggles, whether those be romantic, financial, or emotional. Once his life turned around, he still cared about Arsenal, but the times when they would horribly collapse, it didn't affect him as much. I guess the moral of his story is that people use sports as an escape from some of the drudgery of everyday life, and when sports leads to disappointment as well, people allow those feelings to take root.

Sky is Fading Red to Blue

I was thoroughly pleased to see this gentleman in the Nashville Airport yesterday: That's Chuck Klosterman for those of you scoring at home. I decided not to talk with Chuck, if only because I would looked like I was auditioning for a revival of "The Chris Farley Show."

Easily my best airport celebrity sighting since my parents and I shared a plane with the 1984 Boston Celtics.

The Church Doors Blown Open, I Can Hear the Organ's Song

Congratulations to Mr. Stephen Olson for correctly naming "15 Step" by Radiohead as the Monday Song of the Day.

I'm not sure if I thought I would ever be able to write the words "Thom Yorke" and "U.S.C. Marching Band" in the same sentence without making a Chuck Klosterman-esque comparison between the 2004-05 Trojan football team and In Rainbows, but lo and behold, on Sunday night, members of the U.S.C. band backed Radiohead as they played "15 Step" at the Grammys.

Unfortunately for you, the reader, the Grammy I.P. forces quickly shut down video of the performance, and you have been left with this performance of "15 Step" from Jools Holland.

Moving on...I'm not going to say that everyone out there needs to immediately go purchase a copy of Lawrence Wright's The Looming Tower: Al Qaeda and the Road to 9/11, but if you're looking for a book that does an excellent job of explaining the "why" of 9/11 as much as the "what", you would be hard pressed to find a better piece of work.

There are a number of great books out there that have conveyed the aftermath of 9/11 and the aftershocks it caused in American foreign policy such as Richard Clarke's Against All Enemies, Seymour Hersh's Chain of Command: The Road from 9/11 to Abu Ghraib, George Packer's The Assassins' Gate: America in Iraq, Thomas E. Ricks' Fiasco: The American Military Adventure in Iraq, and The One Percent Doctrine: Deep Inside America's Pursuit of Its Enemies Since 9/11 by Ron Suskind, but The Looming Tower was the first book that I've read on the topic that explained how an organization that was virtually unknown to the international intelligence community in the mid-90s could pull off the most shocking act of terrorism in history.

A Freight Train Running Through the Middle of My Head

Congratulations to Mr. Ben Grant for correctly naming "Morning Bell" by Radiohead from the album Kid A as the Tuesday Song of the Day.

Speaking of Kid A, I'm not sure if I've ever listened to another album besides this one that remained alternatively maddening and sublime even years after I first listened to it.

When I was younger, I viewed Radiohead as the equivalent of that kid in class who was obviously very intelligent, but often tried too hard to demonstrate that intelligence, as if everyone else would not be able to grasp his intellectual ability unless he spun a web of words and clauses that left everyone else exhausted. The prime example in my mind of this artistic overreaching was Kid A, an album that meanders through a maze of electronic effects and noise, and at one point, during "Treefingers", does away with lyrics all together.

I'm not going to say that I began to enjoy listening to Kid A because my musical tastes matured and changed. Instead, like most true musical pretenders, I was influenced by the words of someone else, in this case, Chuck Klosterman. In 2005's Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story, which I highly recommend, Klosterman lays out his (admittedly) hare-brained theory that Thom Yorke, in composing the lyrics for Kid A, unwittingly predicted the 9/11 attacks a year before they took place.
Before you dismiss Klosterman as some kook 9/11 conspiracy theorist, you should know that he does not say that Yorke knew about the attacks, or even place blame on a responsible party. Instead, Klosterman argues that Yorke's true genius lies in the fact that if he tried to do the same thing again, there's no way he could succeed, and so much of what we characterize as genius in the world today is not the result of a conscious path of action, but is often a result of a convergence of circumstances that transform ordinary events into ones that seem remarkable in retrospect.

We Were Born With Our Eyes Wide Open

Chuck Klosterman begins in earnest his campaign for induction into the Running Down a Dream author/writer/columnist Hall-of-Fame.

If the Patriots win, they will just become this thing that scorched the earth for five months before capturing a trophy that was never in doubt. Future historians will describe this New England team as if it were a machine. Everyone will concede the Pats' superlative greatness, but the 19 wins will be just a collection of numbers. But if they lose -- especially if they lose late -- the New England Patriots will be the most memorable collection of individuals in the history of pro football.

They will prove that nothing in this world is guaranteed, that past returns do not guarantee future results, that failure is what ultimately defines us and that Gisele will probably date a bunch of other dudes in her life, because man is eternally fallible.

Losing isn't everything. It's the only thing.

"All Too Perfect" by Chuck Klosterman.