Sitting Spare Like a Book on a Shelf Rustin'

Congratulations to Mr. Dan Carlson for correctly naming "Everyday" by the Dave Matthews Band as the other Tuesday Song of the Day.

At the request of Mr. Andrew Tuegel, who is spending his day following around U.S. Congressman Randy Neugebauer, I'm giving you a running diary of today's Champions League semifinal (1st leg) between Liverpool and Chelsea.

• And we're live from Stamford Bridge in West London, home of Chelsea FC. For those of you who don't know, Chelsea is owned by Roman Abramovich, a Russian oil tycoon who may or may not be responsible for the "elimination" of his closest business rivals. I may not like George Steinbrenner, but I don't think he's responsible for the death of Jimmy Hoffa. Abramovich might be.
• Great pre-game interview with Liverpool striker Peter Crouch. The lanky goalscorer looks like he was pulled from central casting of the films Trainspotting or Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. Someone get Guy Ritchie on the phone.
• I always enjoy the opening ceremonies before Champions League matches where the players walk out hand in hand with kids dressed in the other team's uniform. There's a YouTube clip out there somewhere featuring a young Chelsea supporter duping Steven Gerrard with a fake handshake. Someone even calls him a "cheeky little monkey." I love English people.
• Here's the clip:

• As the Champions League anthem plays, both teams stand waiting for the match to start. Liverpool is dressed in their classic red uniforms, and Chelsea is in their home blues.
• Referee Markus Merk is ready to go and smiles into the camera. Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho noted before the match that he thinks Liverpool is going to bait a number of his players into yellow cards that will contribute to their suspension for the second round of the semifinal next week in Liverpool. This was in addition to a story revealed this week that Mourinho snuck into a match last year in a laundry hamper in order to communicate via walkie talkie to his assistant coaches. I wish I could make this stuff up.
• The match begins with Craig Bellamy, Dirk Kuyt, Steven Gerrard, Javier Mascherano, Bolo Zenden, Xabi Alonso, John Arne Riise, Jamie Carragher, Alvaro Arbeloa, Daniel Agger, and Pepe Reina on the pitch for Liverpool.
• Chelsea comes out with Andriy Shevchenko, Didier Drogba, John Obi Mikel, Claude Makelele, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, John Terry, Ricardo Carvalho, Ashley Cole, Paulo Ferreira, and Petr Cech. Will Riggs loves Petr Cech. Warrants mentioning.
• Drogba makes a good run off an errant Liverpool pass and takes a tumble in box after a strong defensive play by Jamie Carragher. Drogba sits on the ground and talks to himself about it. No one listens.
• A great, great save by Pepe Reina off a turning shot by Frank Lampard. Chelsea seems to be intent on exposing the Liverpool defense by lobbed passes into the penalty area. The Reds need to weather this opening storm on the opponent's pitch.
• Liverpool striker called offsides on a pass from Dirk Kuyt. Bellamy has not scored a goal for Liverpool since the 2-1 victory over Barcelona in early March. That was the game after he was accused of hitting teammate John Arne Riise with a golf club after an argument erupted over the singing of UB40's "Red, Red Wine" during an impromptu kareoke session. Again, I can't make up stuff this entertaining.
• I should note that this is my first time to watch an entire Liverpool match live. It's an eye-opening experience. Probably something akin to a young Trey Anastasio listening to Jerry Garcia. I realize that only about 5 people who read this will catch that reference, but such is my lot.
• Drogba barely misses a long cross from Joe Cole. A replay shows that Drogba was blatantly offsides, but I guess you get the benefit of the doubt when your owner knows how to "take care" of people.
• Frank Lampard almost scores a goal in the 22nd minute off a free kick that screams across the Stamford Bridge pitch. The Gerrard-Lampard debate in England is probably the equivalent of Buster v. GOB in a best brother contest on Arrested Development. In other words, no matter which one you choose, one's a magician and one has a hook for a hand.
• In the 26th minute, the match has settled into a back and forth rhythmn with neither team able to find much space but that was to be expected. I just read the lips of a Liverpool supporter behind the Chelsea goal who called Petr Cech a wanker. Good times.
• Chelsea scores an opening goal off a strong run by Drogba and a finish by Joe Cole. Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho stands and cheers with his loosened tie looking like he just stepped out of an instructional video entitled What Should I Wear if I Want People to Think I'm Having an Affair?
• Let's be honest here: if there's any team that knows how to come from behind, it's Liverpool. Sometimes they just need to ratchet up the degree of difficulty.
• Gerrard barely misses heading home a cross from Dirk Kuyt. You just know that Stevie is lurking out there somewhere and everyone who supports Chelsea is probably just waiting for his retort to Joe Cole's strike.
• Liverpool with a sustained possession with about 5 minutes left in the first half. You get the sense that Chelsea is not content with one goal at home knowing that they still must go to Anfield next Tuesday.
• The first half ends with Chelsea up by the score of 1-0. Liverpool has not any real pressure on Chelsea keeper Petr Cech, but you get the feeling that either Gerrard, Riise, or Dirk Kuyt has big plans for the second half. Perhaps that's just the usual optimism that I reserve for the Rangers speaking. Back in a few minutes...
• In other news, John McCain finally announced today that he's officially running for President in 2008. That was almost as anti-climactic as when the highly anticipated IT invention was a SEGWAY. I mean, I love SEGWAYs as much as the next guy, but I was expecting something really great like a machine that erased all of the time that I spent watching Full House as a child. In the words of Dr. Evil, "Throw me a frickin' bone here."
• As the second half starts, Liverpool have come out as the aggressors. In one of the matches against PSV in the last round, the announcer on the ESPN Gamecast wrote that Liverpool were trying to "put PSV to the sword". You're not going to see that written about a Nuggets-Spurs playoff game.
• A shot of Peter Crouch warming up on the sideline. It appears that he's wearing a vest stolen from the Texas Highway Department. The Texas taxpayers cannot be pleased.
• Peter Crouch comes on for Craig Bellamy. Bellamy doesn't look pleased, but you can't blame Rafa for the switch.
• Petr Cech barely turns away a strike from the left foot of Steven Gerrard. The Reds are really putting the pressure on Chelsea here at the beginning of the second period of play.
• The match has settled a bit after Liverpool's early push forward in the second half. One odd thing for an American who is accustomed to seemingly endless commercials during sports ofnTV is the adjustment to the no-commercial aspect of soccer. Of course that means that at halftime the audience is subjected a seemingly endless reel of Heineken ads, but I guess that's the price you pay.
• John Arne Riise pulls a "nutmeg" on Jon Obi Mikel. I really have no idea why dribbling the ball between someone's leg is called a "nutmeg", but if someone can tell me, I'd love to know.
• It looks like Chelsea defender Ricardo Carvalho stole John C. Reilly or John McEnroe's hair. A stunning contrast to the fair locks sported by the Italian players from AC Milan. In addition to Rosie O'Donnell, Carvalho is probably another person who rues the rise of high-definition television.
• Jose Mourinho pulls striker Andriy Shevchenko for Solomon Kalou at the 74 minute mark. Liverpool has 15+ minutes to get an ever crucial away goal, but Javier Mascherano is given a yellow card for his tackle on Frank Lampard. The ref holding the yellow/red card aloft in the offending player's general direction is always enjoyable. It reminds of the time I was issued a yellow card last year for a "strong" tackle on a member of Frater Sodalis. Always a good memory.
• A fantastic save by Pepe Reina after another strong shot by Frank Lampard. Reina has really kept the Reds in the match when the back four have made some mistakes.
• It looks like Jermaine Pennant is coming on for Xabi Alonso in an offensively minded move by Rafa in the 82nd minute. We'll see if Pennant's speed can provide a late burst to the Reds' effort.
• Mourinho sends on Shaun Wright-Phillips for goalscorer Joe Cole in a late attempt to get a larger advantage ahead of next week's battle.
• The announcers just noted that Liverpool striker Peter Crouch's father is a Chelsea season ticket holder. I think he just replaced John Locke's dad on Lost in the race for Worst Father of the Year.
• 2 minutes of stoppage time will be added at the end of the match for the whining of Didier Drogba. Sorry, I'll try to keep an air of objectivity from here on out.
• The match ends with Chelsea winning by the score of 1-0. My friend John Middleton just called and informed me that he's a Chelsea fan. That wanker. Well, that's all for today.
• Andrew, I hope you enjoyed my work here and hopefully we'll get them next week.