If the Sun Does Shine or Rain Does Fall

Unless you've been living under the proverbial "Rock" during the last 5 months or working as the General Manager of the Boston Celtics*, you're probably aware that the highly anticipated iPhone goes on sale tomorrow, June 29th.

Since I do not have the requisite $500-$600 bones to throw down for the greatest status symbol since the slap bracelet, I guess I will resort to making a mockery of the legions of Apple devotees that are currently braving the fierce American summer simply to eat the scraps from Steve Jobs' table. Honestly, one of my favorite parts about the debut of the iPhone was the outrageous cries of joy that arose from those attending the unveiling. I'm pretty sure that if the Apple disciples were to pool their support, they could rival the ruffians depicted in Green Street Hooligans for pure menace and zealotry. There's nothing that gets me fired up like 35 year old men cheering about cellphones.


*I know I don't talk much about the NBA here, but I could not believe the trade that Danny Ainge pulled off on Thursday night. Ainge traded Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West, and #5 pick Jeff Green to the Seattle (once Super)Sonics for Ray Allen. Take a quick look at the following paragraph from the ESPN.com article detailing the trade and tell me if that's a guy that you want to acquire in a trade.

"Allen underwent surgery in April on both of his ankles. He called it a season in late March, unable to tolerate the pain in his left ankle as a result of inflammation from bone spurs. Statistically, it was the seven-time All-Star's finest season scoring, averaging 26.4 points per game, including a career-best 54-point performance against Utah in January. But the ankle and an early season foot injury limited Allen to just 55 games. "

I understand that the Celtics wanted to offload Wally's massive deal, but I cannot understand trading away a potentially strong role player in West and potential All-Star in Jeff Green to acquire an aging star with ankle injuries in a game that is notoriously hard on your ankles. Maybe I'm wrong about this whole thing, and maybe that's why I'm sitting here writing this blog while Danny Ainge collects a check from an NBA franchise.

I realize that the asterisk actually turned out to be longer than the actual body of the post itself. That's the equivalent of Led Zeppelin only playing "Immigrant Song" during the concert and "When the Levee Breaks" for the encore. I realize that I just made an esoteric Zeppelin reference in 2007, but I'm going with whatever pops into my mind.

You Better Get Right or You're Gonna Get Left

Congratulations to Mr. Kalum Tuggle for correctly naming "Waiting on the World to Change" by John Mayer as the Monday Song of the Day.


It is good to be back writing again after a quick trip to the Austin-area for the Rampy/Watten nuptials. I would try to provide an adequate description of the event that was, but I'll leave that mission to the following photo:

That, my friends, is what Mr. Alex LaBounty has called the GREATEST group shakey face picture of all-time. I'm sure that's an illustrious title, but all I know is that I had a piercing headache after my performance depicted in the lower right hand corner of the shot. I'm sure that this photo will appear on some snarky blog in the future when I'm attempting to run for public office, but these are the risks you take in order to become a participant in greatness.

I should also note that yesterday featured a trip to Lake LBJ for my initial adventure into the world of wakeboarding. The orthopaedic surgeon that took out my stitches today could only laugh and shake his head when I shared that nugget of information with him. I'm not going to try to make this whole "wiping out your bike" a regular occurrence, but if it's going to happen sometime in my life, I'm glad it's when I'm 23.

Finally, I know I've been going to too many weddings when I hear songs and they make me laugh when I place them in the context of different events at weddings. For instance, this weekend I heard the song "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce and immediately picture some star-crossed couple using it as their first dance. What are the odds on that divorce? 2 to 5? 4 to 7? Should I even be making this joke? Probably not, but here at Running Down a Dream, we're always exploring the limits.

When They Own the Information, They Can Bend It All They Want

Congratulations to Mr. Andrew Tuegel for naming "Bold as Love" by Jimi Hendrix as the Sunday Song of the Day.

Cris, I know you asked me a few weeks ago about the D.C. administrative law judge that was suing the dry cleaners over the missing pants, but I have withheld a mention of that fiasco until now. Well, as you can read here, Roy Pearson's not going to be the recipient of $54 million dollars. Instead, he's probably going to be on the hook for the legal fees incurred by the operators of Custom Cleaners. Sorry Roy, those pants seem to be growing more expensive by the minute.

Also, the Supreme Court issued its ruling today in the "Bong Hits for Jesus" case upholding the Juneau, Alaska school district's disciplinary action against a student that displayed a banner with the aforementioned slogan during the Olympic Torch Relay in 2002. Remember kids, Jesus doesn't enjoy bong hits. He prefers a nice pipe by the fireside.

Just Ask the Axis, He Knows Everything

On Friday I gave you a link to a so-called "study" on America's Sweatiest Cities that was financed by Old Spice, but today I'm bringing you something that is probably going to be a bit more reliable. Eldest children, including yours truly, can rest easy in their dominance of the world.

According to a recent study conducted in Norway, the eldest children in families tend to develop higher IQ's than their younger siblings. I passed a link to the study along to my sister, who responded with a typical "well, the study says I have more social grace and daring, so there" response. I tried to remember what else she said, but my massive IQ was simply too much for her so-called "social grace". I kid, I kid.

I'll be traveling tomorrow down the Austin area for the Rampy/Watten wedding, so if any of you will be there, I look forward to seeing you at the festivities. Demetrius Collins, this includes you.

Current Reading

The Persian Puzzle: The Conflict Between Iran and America by Kenneth M. Pollack

Fighting on Arrival, Fighting for Survival

I know that most of you don't care, and that's okay, but I felt compelled to mention that Arsenal and French national striker Thierry Henry is apparently leaving the Gunners to sign with Barcelona. Yes, the irony of a French guy playing on a team with the nickname "Gunners" also strikes me as very rich, and I will be glad to see that running joke go as he heads to Catalonia.

Now, on to other things such as underage marriages. I'm not sure how many of you have seen that story, but it's provocative to say the least. A 40-year old coach marrying one of his 16-year old students. Sure, there's all the Mary Kay LeTourneau jokes that float around in those kinds of situations, but honestly, how did her parents sign that consent form? I understand that they viewed as the "only way" to move past what had become a flashpoint with their daughter, but it seems that there are some points where parents simply have to decide against their child's wishes and in their best interest, even though that term is often an amorphous one at best.

Enough of that, on to junk science studies conducted by Old Spice. My good friend Garrett Oakley passed along a link to the following "study" as part of the ongoing debate in our friend group about which circle of hell that Houston should occupy. Garrett gleefully pointed out that Big D occupied the #3 spot on the "study" and Old San Antone held #5, while his beloved H-town was far, far behind at #12. I'm pretty sure that my astute colleague, Mr. Nate Low, was correct when he made the following assertion: "I refuse to give merit to any 'study' led by Old Spice, where its main 'fact' is that the citizens of Phoenix collectively produced enough sweat to fill more than 53,000 beer kegs in just one hour." Well said Nate, well said.

Some Songs We Can't Afford to Play

As you will remember, I mentioned yesterday that the Rangers extended the contract of General Manager Jon Daniels through 2009. In honor of that incredibly dubious decision, I had a running conversation yesterday with Mr. Andrew Tuegel, whom you will recognize as the resident U2/Coldplay expert here at Running Down a Dream as well as a fellow Liverpool supporter.

Here's what transpired:

Andrew:
The Rangers just extended Jon Daniels' contract. I'm speechless.

Me:
That's like the American people saying, "Hey, you know this Bush guy really needs a few more years to sort this whole scene out. Let's amend the Constitution and give him a 3rd term."

Perhaps Hicks is too focused on signing Torres, Malouda, etc. and simply signed a contract renewal for Daniels without even looking at it. If Hicks did this knowingly and intentionally, well, let's just say I'm nervous about the future of LFC and the boys in Arlington.

Andrew :
This is worse than the Doc Rivers extension. In his short tenure, he has managed to take the Rangers from the middle of the table to the WORST team in major league baseball. On what planet is Tom Hicks living? Attendance is down, he's not making as much money, and we suck. There's no hope in sight. We're about to sell off our entire team. I mean there's just no way to justify this.

Me:
Also, this would have been a perfect example of the Sports Guy's argument that every team should have an Assistant VP of Common Sense to counteract the foolish decisions that often get made in the boardrooms of sports franchises.

"So you're telling me that you've only had one winning season in the last 8 years, the current guy has made tons and tons of bad moves, and you're the team with the worst record in baseball. Wait, you want to resign that guy? Are you kidding me?"

Me:
Since we seem to be getting in a rhythm with today's conversation, let me ask you a question: Have you ever visited http://www.sonsofthesportsguy.com/?

If not, go there to catch a glimpse of a community of embittered, angry people who only visit the message board to rip each Simmons column to shreds. I'm pretty sure that devoting a message board to ripping apart someone's sports columns might be one of the more pathetic uses of one's time, but I guess people are entitled to their opinions.

Andrew:
No, I've never visited the site. I've heard though, and I'm pretty sure Simmons has made fun of them a time or two. I think Hicks should hire you or I as GM of the Rangers. I thought about sending an application in with the tag line, "i couldn't do any worse." Also, this sucks for Ron Washington. He'll get canned at the end of the season and we won't even know if he's a good manager because he's been trying to coach a team with little league pitchers all year. He got his one shot at managing and now he'll be a bench coach for the rest of his life.

Me:
Interesting thought on Washington, but I have to disagree. It seems if Hicks is in a generous enough mood to give Daniels an extension that he'll give Ron at least another season. I guess I've just been so disappointed this year because all I heard in training camp was this immense optimism and how much the players loved Ron Washington. That is never to be confused with a substitute for quality pitching but sometimes chemistry can go a long, long way.

The problem with the 2007 Texas Rangers is that no one, besides you, me, Jacob Wardell, Lance Agan, Heath Huston, and Mason Orr gives a damn about the Rangers anymore. Sad to say, but there's a whole group of kids growing up who don't even know what it's like to even be in contention. Sorry, that was my Rangers rant for the day.

I am constantly hearing about all of the pitching talent (Eric Hurley among others) that we have in the farm system, and I hope and pray everyday that we don't sell off all of that talent simply to place a bandaid on the tremendous pitching problems that we currently have.

Andrew:
That's been our problem. We build these good prospects and then trade 2 or 3 off them for a crappy starter or another old outfielder or something like that. I would rather have the Marlins system of sell everyone off for prospects and then every 5-7 years you win a series.

I've heard rumblings that the players are starting to turn on Washington. That's not surprising because I'd be grumbling too if we were losing every game. I've also heard trade rumors for Tex, Gagne, Otska, Millwood, Lofton, and some of our bullpen guys. Tex is playing like his foot is out the door and it is smart to trade him. I'm just pissed because I know we will mess the trade up. We'll part with him for a 40 year old left fielder and the option on two single A pitchers and Daniels will call it a victory.

It is sad that I would consider it a success to make the playoffs and get swept in the first round of the playoffs by the Yankees like we did in our glory days. Also, i think Nolan Ryan punching out Robin Ventura was the high water mark of the Texas Rangers franchise.

Andrew:
Also, you know you've made a bonehead move when even ESPN's frontpage headline announcing the extension makes you sound dumb.

Me:
That's the equivalent of Paris Hilton telling you to re-examine your decision making skills.

Andrew:
Maybe we can convince Bush to buy the team again. His war record (and all around decision making record) may not be that strong, but he certainly didn't run them into the ground.

Me:
I was just reading the comments on the espn.com story that you mentioned, and everyone, I mean everyone, could not believe that Hicks gave Daniels an extension. It seems that if broken, pessimistic Rangers fans cannot accept your job performance, maybe you should move on out of town. Texas Rangers baseball: It's fannnnnnnnnnnnnntastic!!!

Andrew:
I realize we have a long way to go before we hit Cubs or Red Sox tortured fan base status, but we're headed there quick. It's like Hornby says in Fever Pitch, "you don't choose the teams you like. They're chosen for you. And you like them no matter what, even when they make stupid moves and buy players that you know can't play. But you still support them anyways." In this case it's a GM, but oh well. Do you think a law degree qualifies you to work in a baseball front office? These MBA's are trying it and screwing it up, so I want a shot at it.

Me:
Well, Theo Epstein has a law degree, and I would say that while he has not been flawless on the job, he's done pretty darn well. I talked to the Career Services Office at the law school about a possible internship with the Rangers and they said they had never heard of anyone doing that, but perhaps you and I could be the trailblazers.

Andrew:
Also, in response to Daniels' contract extension, the Rangers promptly lose to another underachieving team, the Chicago Cubs.

We've Got Solid STate Technology

Ladies and gentlemen, faithful readers of Running Down a Dream, one and all, please accept my sincere apologies for not writing since Friday. The problem is, the left side of my body had a rather rude encounter with Old Tyler Road on Saturday afternoon at 4:30. Here's what happens when you suddenly lose control of your bike going 30 mph downhill. Specifically, look at photos 2o and 21. Otherwise, you would have no earthly idea what I'm talking about right now.

I'm sorry for not being able to write the past few days, but I am simply trying to prepare for the coming time during July where I will only be able to post once or twice a week. Yes, I know that you are dreading the prospect like Ricky Williams dreads a urinalysis, but we all have to face our fears sometime in our lives.

Today, the Rangers extended General Manager Jon Daniels' contract through 2009 despite the fact that the boys from Arlington currently have the WORST record in the major leagues and have not made the playoffs since the Backstreet Boys were stealing the hearts of prepubescent girls across America (1999). I'm going to try to come up with something special for tomorrow's post to adequately capture the high level of disagreement that I have with Rangers owner Tom Hicks regarding this particular move, but you will simply have to wait and see.

I Was in Love With the Place In My Mind, In My Mind

Congratulations to Mr. Dan Carlson for correctly naming "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who as the Thursday Song of the Day.

In honor of Dan's triumph, I've decided to do my part in introducing you, the reader, to another one of the interwebs greatest rising stars, Mr. Ronald Jenkees. In the the Wild West that is YouTube, Jenkees has emerged as one of the more enjoyable characters on the scene. For goodness sake, The Sports Guy even started using Jenkees' music on his new podcast "The B.S. Report" (which I highly recommend) and attempted to adopt Jenkees, but found he could not because Ronald is a few years above the legal age at which the state of California will allow people to be adopted. Who knew?

Nonetheless, the Jenkees' videos that I have run across after TSG mentioned him a column have been the comedy gift that keeps on giving. I cannot figure out if Jenkees' personality/style/motif is some large joke that has been foisted on an unwitting American public, but even if it's all an act, it is a thoroughly enjoyable act to say the least. With that said, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ronald Jenkees' variations on Pachelbel's "Canon in D". Enjoy

I'll Tip My Hat to the New Constitution

Congratulations to Mr. Andrew Tuegel for correctly naming "City of Blinding Lights" by U2 as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts on my post yesterday regarding Houston. In particular, I think Cody's comment and Mike's thoughts really conveyed the essence of what mystifies me about the place. It's as if the moment you move down there, you're handed a glass of "Pro-Houston" kool-aid, you drink up the intoxicating brew, and you're suddenly in love with the place. Perhaps I shouldn't be so cynical about the fact that Houstonians love their town. Perhaps I should just recognize that all of us who love our homes probably seem crazy to someone.

I've written before about my affinity for Tiger Woods, but today I'm going to write about my affinity for the U.S. Open. I understand that it is easy to dismiss golf as boring, outdated, a mere accompaniment to Sunday afternoon naps, or a myriad of other less than positive things, but each year during the four Majors (Masters, U.S. Open, British Open, and P.G.A. Championship), I wouldn't say that I turn into Jim Nantz, but I do display a heightened level of interest.

With that said, among the four Majors, the U.S. Open has to be my favorite. Sure, there is an army across America that adores the Masters, and honestly, how could you not? Everyone loves the cheesy CBS promos that begin airing during March Madness, a harbinger of spring as reliable as the inevitable Texas Rangers meltdown, but for my money, give me the U.S. Open.

Give me a tournament where the USGA decides to turn revered golf courses into torture sites. Give me a tournament where they make the greens so fast that putts fly right off the putting surface. Give me a tournament where the USGA's sadistic objective is simply to test the wits of the world's best golfers and find out if a pro might snap and bash in a clown's head like Happy Gilmore.

I don't foresee anything like that happening this weekend at Oakmont, but if it does, just remember that the USGA drove them to do it.

This has nothing to do with the my current topic, but I'm thinking about compiling a list of songs/videos from the 90's that already seem incredibly dated. I ran across the following clip recently on YouTube and it honestly made me wonder if I had grown up in the 90's or the Haight-Ashbury/Summer of Love 60's.

Seriously, were the Gallagher brothers just sitting around one day thinking, "You know what, even though it's the mid-1990's, let's make a video that contains all of the cliches of the mid to late 60's and film it from the perspective of Jim Morrison experiencing a bad LSD trip." Is that really what happened here? I'm pretty sure that Liam Gallagher would be one of the most difficult people on the planet to interview (I also place Mike Tyson, Kim Jong Il, and the entire cast of Flavor of Love on that list), but these are things I need to know.

They're Advertising in the Skies for People LIke Us

When I began to think about doing this anti-Houston post, I thought about taking a straw poll of friends and family who could provide relevant and witty commentary on Texas' most populous city, but I've decided to take a different tack. I'm going for a James Joyce writing Ulysses stream of consciousness approach to today's rant. Hopefully it will be much more visceral and truly convey my disdain for the area.

I'll begin with some positives. I'll grant you that there must be something to like about the place because it's the 4th most populous city in the United States. That fact could mean many different things. It could mean that the millions of people of who call the Houston metro area home really do enjoy where they live. It could mean that many of them don't like where they live, but choose to live there anyway. It could mean that they enjoy waking up in the morning and feeling as though they are walking out into someone's armpit, only with less hair.

It could mean that they really enjoy supporting sports franchises that, besides the Rockets back-to-back titles in 1994 and 1995 (in a Michael Jordan-less NBA, I might add), have really not done that much. I know that you're going to give me the stats that the Rangers and Mavs have never won titles, but I still can't hear you because these 5 Super Bowl rings and 1 Stanley Cup are stuck in my ears.

I'm not sure if it's just because I grew up always going to Dallas instead of Houston. When you are from a relatively small town in Texas, you develop an affinity for the big cities that you visit in order to attend pro sports events, shop, etc. I guess because of geographical proximity and family connections we always went to Dallas.

It's almost as if there's a type of Friends/Seinfeld, Duke/UNC, Nirvana/Guns 'n Roses rivalry between the I-45 neighbors. In some weird way, I don't think you can be a fan of the city of Dallas and also be a fan of Houston. You have to look at the contenders, weigh the pros and cons, and ultimately pick your side. I'm not sure if it's just because I prefer the sight of the rolling hills of North Texas to the Houston Ship Channel, but in the I-45 Duel, I'll take Dallas everyday of the week and twice on Sunday.

For all the Houstonians who read this blog, please tell me why I'm completely wrong in giving your city a bad rap. For everyone else, I would love to hear your thoughts on the relative merits of the Harris County Giant. Also, let's be honest here: In any battle among Texas cities, Austin is always winning, even if it has to fight with one hand tied behind its collective back. Long live the 512.

I Wish I Was Like You, Easily Amused

I should begin by saying that I really did enjoy Ocean's Thirteen this evening, but despite the antics of Clooney, Pitt, Damon & Co., the film that is really stuck in my head from tonight is the trailer for American Gangster.

Yes, I know this marks the second straight post talking about how the media portrays organized crime in America, but the trailer for the film hit all the high points:

1. Denzel Washington as the Drug Kingpin;
2. Russell Crowe as the NYC Narcotics detective who is trying to bring him down;
3. The film is directed by "Uncle" Ridley Scott; and
4. There's even a little Jay-Z in the background.

I would love a little more insight on the movie from the film industry insiders who read this blog (coughDanCarlsoncough), but for now, here's a trailer:

If the climactic scene comes down to Crowe ultimately bashing Denzel's head with a phone, well, that will just be a little thing I like to call irony.

I Thought the Losing Dice Were Tossed

Congratulations to Mrs. Lola Scott, my mother, for correctly naming "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond as the Sunday Song of the Day. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I actually had to play the song for her so that she could get past the point of saying "It's that one Neil Diamond song." Angry with my leniency? Guess what? She's my Mom. I'll extend her mercy where all you get is an admonition to "try harder". Deal with it.

Now that I've cleared up that potential brouhaha, I'll move on to other topics. For someone who has never seen an episode of the series, I was very interested in last night's Sopranos finale for some reason. It's something that's difficult to articulate, but you just know when certain shows have reached that elevated status where their phraseology becomes part of the cultural lexicon. I think the Sopranos was one of those shows.

In yet another reference to the cavalcade that was the Freede/Agan wedding reception, I should mention that the final song played on Saturday night was "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. In an eerie coincidence, the world's cheesiest power ballad also happened to be playing in the final scene in Sopranos history. Now I'm beginning to wonder if Lance and Kayla are clairvoyant or they just have David Chase on speed dial.


Either way, Steve Perry and his voice are taking over the world.

Good Times Never Seemed So Good

Congratulations to Mr. Jeremy Masten for naming "The Adventure" by Angels and Airwaves as the Wednesday Song of the Day. I appreciate everyone's thoughts on the forlorn NHL and I especially enjoyed Dan's suggestion regarding the issuing of firearms to a given player in each match.

I have not been able to write lately due my attendance and participation in the wedding of Kayla (formerly Freede) and Lance Agan this weekend down in Houston. I'm probably going to compose a diatribe at some point this week regarding my disdain for the most populous city in Texas, but that post will come at a later date. Today, I only have positives to bring to the table.

I know that Lou Gehrig once said that he considered himself the "luckiest man on the face of the earth", but as "Fight for Your Right to Party" by the Beastie Boys was blaring over the speakers during the reception, I looked over at Luke Reeves using his left leg as a guitar, and I was pretty sure that I had been blessed with the best friends in the world.

If you can't tell that from the picture above, defy the logic of LaVar Burton on Reading Rainbow, and take my word for it.

Here We Go, Life's Waiting to Begin

Congratulations to Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "The Way" by Fastball as the Tuesday Song of the Day. I'm honestly shocked that I actually gave John credit for naming the song, seeing that he is a Chelsea FC supporter and all. Call it sympathy for the less fortunate among us.

Well, jury duty did not pan out quite the way I thought it would. Armed with my copy of Alexander Hamilton and a jury summons, I entered the Smith County Courthouse simply looking to use my student exemption and head back to the office to work on a motion for summary judgment. After a short amount of time shuffling through cattle-call lines and being seated, I was just as quickly excused due to my status as a law student.

I'm honestly a bit disappointed that I was not able to go further in the process, and as a person who will hopefully be a member of the Bar in a few years time, I don't expect to have too many more chances to serve on a jury with my peers. Alas, I will probably never be able to see the Rangers win the World Series in my lifetime. At least the sun was shining and I had Don Juan's for lunch. All in all, not a bad way to spend a day.

Also, on the "sports with sticks" front, the Anaheim "Once Mighty" Ducks won the Stanley Cup this evening with a 6-2 win over the Ottawa Senators. I'm pretty sure more people cheered for those whales to escape the Sacramento River Delta than followed the NHL Playoffs this year. Note to any NHL fans reading this blog (Blake Browder and Danny Echols, this means you): When ABC is in the business of airing the finals of the Scripps/Howard National Spelling Bee and your league's final series relegated to a network entitled Versus, you know your sport is sliding towards irrelevance faster than Sanjaya. I only tell the truth because I care.

An Exit to Eternal Summer Slacking

Congratulations to Mr. Stephen Baker, otherwise known as Poseur, for correctly naming "Creep" by Radiohead as the Monday Song of the Day. Baker, you make a great point about the fact that hockey is obviously a sport where the players wield sticks but this has not necessarily been parlayed into devotion on the part of the American people. I'm not sure if my "Let the Players have sticks" cry will be enshrined alongside Marie Antoinette's charge to "Let the Peasants Eat Cake", only time will tell.

Tomorrow morning I'm going on a covert mission. I guess it's not so covert since I'm telling you about in a post before it actually takes place, but I'm going to take part in one of the great civic duties of any American citizen. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to jury duty at the Smith County Courthouse. The twin facts of my being a law student who is also currently working a prosecutor's office probably mean that I won't be sticking around for the truly fun activities, but there's always a chance. Granted, it's probably the same chance that the Rangers have of winning the World Series this year, but as I said earlier, it's a chance.

If I make it that far, I'm probably going to rehash Chicago's schtick during voir dire exercises in the Winter Quarter. If my memory serves me correctly, our friend from the City of Broad Shoulders took on the persona of a country bumpkin whose wife suffered horrible injuries at the hands of a devious bacon frying machine during her employment at a fast food establishment that shall remain nameless. I have no idea if that will pertain in any way to the subject matter of the cases at hand, but who doesn't love a good bacon-associated injury?

Whatever Makes You Happy, Whatever You Want

Congratulations to Mr. Dan Carlson for correctly naming "Cannonball" by Damien Rice as the Thursday Song of the Day. Dan, I'm pretty sure that your statement regarding the boring nature of soccer would be echoed by a majority of Americans, and this is probably why the game has not truly caught on the states.


My Dad always asserts that soccer should remove the offsides penalty, and while this is a valid argument, I'm still a believer in giving the players sticks. If there's anything that watching a good game of lacrosse or a pinata accompanied birthday party tells us, it's that people loving watching objects (read humans) be beaten with sticks. Call it pedestrian, call it plebeian, but please don't call that boring.


I had a superb time on Saturday night at my buddy Brad's wedding, especially since the DJ at the wedding looked like a rapidly aging Slash of Guns and Roses fame, which is basically to say that he looked exactly like the real Slash. I'm not sure why a prim and proper East Texas matron picked a guy who looked like Slash to DJ her daughter's wedding reception, but I was pleased to say the least.

Somehow my family restrained me from walking up to the pseudo-Slash and requesting "Paradise City", "November Rain", or my personal favorite "Welcome to the Jungle". I'm pretty sure that "November Rain" would have been perfect fare for a wedding reception since the video also features a wedding. All we were missing was a windswept church and an epic guitar solo by the pseudo-Slash.


I'm looking forward to Lance and Kayla's wedding this weekend in Houston, but unless there's an 80's rock and roll look-a-like on the scene, I'm going to be sorely disappointed. Does anyone have Phil Collins' number?