I'm Trapped in This Body and Can't Get Out

Congratulations to Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "Where Everybody Knows Your Name",a.k.a. the theme song from Cheers, as the Tuesday Song of the Day.


I just arrived back in Waco late tonight from a quick, quick trip to the Big D for a Mavs game with my good friend Mason Orr and his brother, the illustrious Benton Orr.


Probably the most disturbing part of the entire experience, besides seeing Don Nelson in high definition, was discussing the Fab Five with Benton, who was born in 1995, and realizing that he was born after the corpse now known as Juwan Howard graduated from college.


My goodness.


I'm turning 24 in two weeks and I already feel old.

I Can't Take the Way He Sings, but I Love to Hear Him Talk

If there is anyone, or anything, that I dislike more than the New York Yankees, it is probably Scott Boras. For those of you that do not immediately recognize the name, Mr. Boras is the high-profile sports agent whose clientele includes a certain third baseman that has spent time in Seattle, Texas, and the Bronx.

Another interesting Boras-related fact is that he earned a degree at the University of the Pacific McGeorge School of Law. Simply as a matter of principle, I do not trust anyone or anything that came from the same university that produced the basketball spectacle that is "The Kandi Man", Michael Olowokandi.

Well, I say that A-Rod is a Boras client, but you would not be able to discern that fact if you were a fly on the wall at the recent meetings between Rodriguez and the progeny of George Steinbrenner. It appears that Boras is finally realizing what everyone else secretly suspected when his client opted out of his mammoth deal during Game 4 of this year's World Series: You can make demands, you can push the envelope, but if you go out too far on the limb, sometimes you find yourself imitating Wile E. Coyote in clawing for solid ground when there is none to be found.

According to the aforementioned article, A-Rod and his wife have been meeting with the Yankee brass without the presence of Boras. Due to the fact that I have not graduated from law school yet, I'm not an expert on these matters, but if I were a defense attorney, I would probably deem myself a failure if I allowed my client to meet alone with Assistant District Attorney Abbie Carmichael. That's probably because I would be motivated by more than the Rules of Professional Responsibility, but I digress.

Speaking of Law & Order, didn't the guy on the left (Jerry Orbach) really miss out on the star power from his time in the quasi-legal spotlight? Angie Harmon goes on to marry the late, great New York Giants cornerback Jason Sehorn, Sam Waterston (Jack McCoy) encourages you nightly to invest with TD Ameritrade, but where is Orbach to be found?

Can someone find the guy a slot in a late-night infomercial for goodness sake? If that's too much, what about a promo commercial for a retirement facility in Arizona or Florida? Come on kids, do it for Jerry.

Nobody Knows, Nobody Sees, Nobody Knows But Me

Quick Hits on a Friday spent studying for Finals:

• David Brooks (NY Times) envisions Sen. Hillary Clinton channeling Jack Nicholson's Col. Nathan Jessup. It's as entertaining as it sounds.
• In a statement that will surely anger one Cris Carpenter, I cannot believe that the (Super)Sonics are likely moving to OKC. I realize that the Hornets received a warm welcome in Oklahoma's state capitol, but it just does not seem right for Oklahoma City (metro area pop. 1,266,455) to have an NBA team instead of Seattle (metro area pop. 3,263,497). I know that the relative sizes of the metropolitan areas are not the only concern, but due to the large possibility that the NBA will not grant a new expansion franchise in the near future, Seattle basketball fans may be entering a very dark period.
• It looks like Uncle Ridley (Scott) has produced a riveting film with standout performances by Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe:

  "Washington is brilliant. He makes sense of a man who could move his mother into a mansion and love the joy on her face, and yet coldly place a Browning 9mm against a competitor's forehead and reply to the question "What are you going to do, Frank, shoot me in front of all these people?" by shooting him in front of all those people. Washington seems to have a secret mechanism by which he turns his face off; it goes from a vibrant, expressive projection of humanity and empathy to a stone-killer executioner's mask so fast it's scary. He makes you fear Frank. Yet he also makes you love Frank. That's the key to the thing, the charisma of the man who triumphs over the system. And so identified with this theme is American Gangster that its other hero, Richie, is also defined as an outsider. The movie seems to be saying: When the inside is so corrupt, you must turn to outsiders. "
  

• Update: An American Gangster review from Running Down a Dream's most widely read-commenter (though he would probably prefer to be identified otherwise), Mr. Dan Carlson.
  

If the Sun Does Shine or Rain Does Fall

Unless you've been living under the proverbial "Rock" during the last 5 months or working as the General Manager of the Boston Celtics*, you're probably aware that the highly anticipated iPhone goes on sale tomorrow, June 29th.

Since I do not have the requisite $500-$600 bones to throw down for the greatest status symbol since the slap bracelet, I guess I will resort to making a mockery of the legions of Apple devotees that are currently braving the fierce American summer simply to eat the scraps from Steve Jobs' table. Honestly, one of my favorite parts about the debut of the iPhone was the outrageous cries of joy that arose from those attending the unveiling. I'm pretty sure that if the Apple disciples were to pool their support, they could rival the ruffians depicted in Green Street Hooligans for pure menace and zealotry. There's nothing that gets me fired up like 35 year old men cheering about cellphones.


*I know I don't talk much about the NBA here, but I could not believe the trade that Danny Ainge pulled off on Thursday night. Ainge traded Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West, and #5 pick Jeff Green to the Seattle (once Super)Sonics for Ray Allen. Take a quick look at the following paragraph from the ESPN.com article detailing the trade and tell me if that's a guy that you want to acquire in a trade.

"Allen underwent surgery in April on both of his ankles. He called it a season in late March, unable to tolerate the pain in his left ankle as a result of inflammation from bone spurs. Statistically, it was the seven-time All-Star's finest season scoring, averaging 26.4 points per game, including a career-best 54-point performance against Utah in January. But the ankle and an early season foot injury limited Allen to just 55 games. "

I understand that the Celtics wanted to offload Wally's massive deal, but I cannot understand trading away a potentially strong role player in West and potential All-Star in Jeff Green to acquire an aging star with ankle injuries in a game that is notoriously hard on your ankles. Maybe I'm wrong about this whole thing, and maybe that's why I'm sitting here writing this blog while Danny Ainge collects a check from an NBA franchise.

I realize that the asterisk actually turned out to be longer than the actual body of the post itself. That's the equivalent of Led Zeppelin only playing "Immigrant Song" during the concert and "When the Levee Breaks" for the encore. I realize that I just made an esoteric Zeppelin reference in 2007, but I'm going with whatever pops into my mind.

Formal Flashing of Digital Cameras from Tourists in Trafalgar Square

In the midst of attending the sentencing hearing that I mentioned in yesterday's post I somehow forgot to include the most interesting. After the first defendant, the ringleader, was sentenced he decided to issue a "message" to the U.S. Attorney who prosecuted his case. As he was being escorted out the courtroom by the U.S. Marshal, the defendant uttered the following phrase:

"It don't (expletive) matter. I'm a lion among men. I'll see you."

Well then. I'm pretty sure that William Manchester described Winston Churchill as The Last Lion, but I've never heard anyone state they were a "lion among men" much less someone who was just sentenced to 152 years in federal prison. Perhaps people cope with disappointment in different ways.

I'm currently watching the first half of the Mavs-Warriors game in Oakland, and I have to say: I'm glad I'm not planning to watch the entire game because I'm pretty sure that my retinas would be burned out by staring all game at the crowd wearing uniform yellow shirts that were issued to them before the game. It probably reminds Stephen Jackson of what his future stay in the Marion County (Indiana) jail is going to look like.

I know that was a low blow, but it needed to be said.

When the Morning Light Comes Streaming In I'll Get Up and Do It Again

Congratulations to Nina Patterson for naming "In My Life" by The Beatles as the Thursday Song of the Day. Yes, Nina did not submit her answer in the comments section, but she mentioned it to me in passing before Torts this morning and that's good enough for me.

• This video made my day. Yes, I am borderline obsessive about my pseudo-fraternity, but watching this video reminded me of why I am so proud to be a Gamma Sig. Like Patty V always says, "It's a great day to be a Gamma Sig."



• I'm becoming a big LeBron James fan. You know that you are watching someone special when every one of his team's games feels like an event because you just cannot wait to see what he is going to do next. Plus, he's only 21. 21! I know that we no longer live in an era where the NBA is full of players who conform to the traditional standard of college stars, but LeBron's maturity and leadership at 21 is a lot of fun to watch. Now if we can only get him to stop chewing his nails on the bench.



• The "LeBrons" is going to turn out to be this generation's "Mars Blackmon: It's Gotta Be the Shoes" advertising campaign. You heard it here first.


• What exactly are "The Bee's Knees" and why are they the standard of cool? Can anyone answer this?


• If I ever begin teaching in a business school somewhere, I am going to teach a course on "The Economics of Hotcakes". Think about it, you always hear people say, "(Fill in an item) is selling like hotcakes," but how many actually hotcakes stands do you see? All that the world needs is a man with a vision. I am that man and all I can see are hotcakes.