Before They Turn the Summer Into Dust

For those of you who know me well, you probably know that I have a moderate to severe man crush on Bill Simmons, but today the Sports Guy really outdid himself.

In his annual "NBA Trade Value" column, Simmons presented to the world the following video featuring the immortal (due to the fact that he's an alien) John Tesh performing "Roundball Rock", a.k.a. the NBA on NBC theme from the 1990's.

Just watching the video took me back to the days of Bulls-Knicks in the Eastern Conference Finals, Marv Albert's toupee in its middle years, and countless showings of "Entertainment Tonight".

There's one thing that I think the Sports Guy got wrong with his video analysis, though. At the 1:17-1:25 stretch of the video where Simmons thought that Tesh was playing "air piano", I think that Yanni, Jr. is actually doing something closer to "air dribbling" of a basketball. I'm not Marcel Marceau here, but I think that's pretty close to how a mime would dribble a basketball, also assuming that the mime has an assist-to-turnover ratio comparable to that of a drunk Gheorghe Muresan.

I apologize to Billy Crystal and Big Gheorge for that last comment.

Current Reading
The Road by Cormac McCarthy

We Got Everything You Want, Honey, We Know the Names

Many thanks for the Tex-Mex suggestions and Houston-centric debate in the comments section for the last post.

Tony Parker deals with a minor distraction during Game 5 of the Spurs' second-round series with the New Orleans Hornets.

Similar distractions in other contexts?

• Hillary Clinton and a cardboard cut-out of mathematical impossibility.
• Charles Barkley and sensible gambling practices.
• The Texas Rangers and a winning season.
• Paris Hilton and self-restraint.
• Roger Clemens and...well, everything it seems.

About Nothing and Everything All at Once

Last night represented my initial voyage back to an NBA arena since the glory-filled day of March 3, 1996.

On that beautiful Texas spring day I witnessed what I thought was the future of the Dallas Mavericks, as represented by Jamal Mashburn, Jason Kidd and Jimmy Jackson, take on the Round Mound of Rebound himself, Charles Barkley, and the Phoenix Suns.

The game was featured as the NBC Game of the Week, but apparently that was the one week that Marv Albert chose not to appear in person and we received the backup announcing squad of Steve "Snapper" Jones and Matt Goukas. Not that I'm still bitter about it or anything, but it would have done my 12-year old ears some good to hear just one "Jamal Mashburn from the corner........YESSS!!" Would that have taken so much, NBC? It's a pressing point, but, again, I digress.

In the end, the game consisted of a win by the Suns and a tattoo-festooned Cherokee Parks running wind-sprints afterward on the Reunion Arena hardwood due to the fact that he did not see any playing time. All in all, those two points taking their place as my lasting memories might have had something to do with my almost twelve year absence from an NBA arena, but that all came to an end last night.

At approximately 4:45 yesterday I had the following conversation with the aforementioned Mason Orr.

Mason: Hey man, I was just wondering if you were in the Dallas area.

Me: Nope, I'm in Waco.

Mason: That's too bad. I've been looking someone to take this third Mavs tickets for the game with the Warriors tonight at 7:30.

Me: Is that a challenge?

Mason: What are you talking about?

Me: I've been looking for an opportunity to top the Cannonball Run I made to the Dallas area last year based on Lance Agan's impromptu pre-Super Bowl call, and you, Sir, have just laid down the gauntlet.

Mason: (Disturbed silence)

Me: I'm leaving here in 5 minutes.

For any law-enforcement authorities that might happen upon this post, no traffic regulations were broken during yesterday's journey. All signage was obeyed to the very letter. With that out of the way, on to the rest of the story...

All in all, the game was a lot of fun and represented the Mavs' largest margin of victory for the season thus far. Also, you cannot put a price on the humor that is generated through people dancing like imbeciles simply to appear on the JumboTron. People that dance like idiots for momentary glory are almost certainly the same people who buy advance tickets to Alien v. Predator: Requiem and drink Mountain Dew Code Red. In other words, the entire fanbase of the New York Yankees. I kid, I kid. Seriously though, people who dance to get on the JumboTron needed to be placed in societal re-education camps in the mold of Chairman Mao's Cultural Revolution.

Disclaimer: Any bitterness underlying this post can be directly attributed to the palpable anxiety generated by the horrid performance turned in by the Dallas Cowboys during the month of December.

I'm Trapped in This Body and Can't Get Out

Congratulations to Mr. John Middleton for correctly naming "Where Everybody Knows Your Name",a.k.a. the theme song from Cheers, as the Tuesday Song of the Day.


I just arrived back in Waco late tonight from a quick, quick trip to the Big D for a Mavs game with my good friend Mason Orr and his brother, the illustrious Benton Orr.


Probably the most disturbing part of the entire experience, besides seeing Don Nelson in high definition, was discussing the Fab Five with Benton, who was born in 1995, and realizing that he was born after the corpse now known as Juwan Howard graduated from college.


My goodness.


I'm turning 24 in two weeks and I already feel old.