I'll Drink Your Poison If You'll Fill the Cup

Congratulations to Mr. Peter Pope for correctly naming "Disappearing World" by David Gray as the Monday Song of the Day. Also, thanks to everyone for passing along NHL-related advice/survival tips. I am deeply indebted to all of you.

The latest casualty of the continuing economic turmoil? A breakdown in talks between the Attractive Girls Union and Mike Greenman.

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman
When will our long national nightmare end, my friends?

Through the Smoke and Rising Water Cross the Great Divide

In the spirit of adventure and new experiences, and thanks to this lovely young lady,

I will be attending my first NHL game on Saturday night at the Sommet Center in Nashville. I'm not sure that the founders of the NHL envisioned that their sport would one day be played in Music City, U.S.A., but I am sure that they would want me to be fully prepared for my experience as a fan of the sport.

So...lovers of the NHL and all things hockey:

What advice do you have for me in the days preceding my initial live encounter with the NHL?

Do you have any biting insults that I can dole out to the members of the Minnesota Wild as they take on the hometown Nashville Predators?

Any leftover "Jason" masks that I can get my hands on in a few days time?

Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated.

Current Reading

Imperial Life in the Emerald City: Inside Iraq's Green Zone by Rajiv Chandrasekaran

Sailing Like a Silver Bullet, Hit 'Em 'Tween the Eyes

It's always a good day when your alma mater makes Deadspin and the words "scantily-clad", "drunk", "racist", "indiscretion", or "regret" are not utilized.

Assuming that the band plays the school fight song following every touchdown, this tuba player most likely fell over dead around about the middle of the third quarter on Saturday. It was Abilene Christian vs. West Texas A&M in the second round of the NCAA Div. II football playoffs, with Abilene pulling out the victory, 93-68. Yes, a college football team surpassed Oklahoma's point total on Saturday, and still lost by 25. Jumpin' Jehoshaphat.

Fun fact: Abilene Christian's men's basketball team played host to Huston Tillotson that evening and could not outscore the football team, losing 92-90.

"So Abilene Christian Scored a Few Points on Saturday" by Deadspin's Rick Chandler.

Don't Want to Discuss It, I Think It's Time For a Change

Congratulations to Mrs. Katrina Kincaid for correctly naming "A Pirate Looks at Forty" by Jimmy Buffett as the Friday Song of the Day.

Here's the bad news: ACU gave up 68 points this afternoon to West Texas A&M in Round 2 of the Division II playoffs.

Here's the good news: ACU still won by 25 points.

That's right, the Wildcats scored an NCAA-playoff record 93, yes, 93 points this afternoon after rolling up 810 yards of offense. (Cousin) Bernard Scott scored an NCAA playoff-record 7 touchdowns in the victory.

Not a bad day for the old alma mater.

Yes, I Am a Pirate, Two Hundred Years Too Late

Ladies and gentlemen, it is a genuine pleasure to return from the blogging abyss. As part of my resurgence, I have a humble request. Here goes nothing...

Dear Kenneth Starr,
I am neither a graduate of Pepperdine Law School, nor am I a fan of the Texas Tech Red Raiders.

With those pesky facts out of the way, please allow me to make a not-so-subtle suggestion to you, good sir. In your position as Dean of the Pepperdine University School of Law, you have a great deal of influence on the various honors and accolades that are bestowed by your institution. Please, please, please, for the love of all that is good and holy, make Mr. Mike Leach of Lubbock, Texas the Pepperdine Law alumnus of the year.

Mr. Leach knows that pirates can always defeat soldiers...

He offers great dating advice and recommendations...

He predicts the weather in complete defiance of board-certified meteorologists...

Mr. Starr, I'm sure that your estimable school seeks to produce graduates who are well-rounded and able to impact their world in a number of ways, and honestly, what more could you ask for than a football coach/pirate enthusiast/Casanova/meteorolgist?

Sincerely,

The Running Down a Dream editorial board.

You Lose Your Fear of the End

Congratulations to Mr. Andrew Tuegel for correctly naming "Save Me" by Dave Matthews (and Tim Reynolds) as the Monday Song of the Day.

I must tell you, I was a bit surprised by the outpouring of commentary on the favorite Arrested Development character question, but if there's one thing that people love, it's the Cornballer.

I'm not a huge fan of the NBA, but if Portland Trailblazers rookie Rudy Fernandez continues his impression of "Jimmy" from Seinfeld, I might just start following Rudy and his red-and-black clad mates.
For a player who almost exclusively hits three-pointers, perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise to hear Trail Blazers rookie Rudy Fernandez on Monday speak in the third person.

"Rudy is not everyday a shooter," Fernandez said. "He's defense. He's passes. He's assists."

We Could Kill Some Time, Shoot the Breeze

In an effort to show that this blog is not a completely solipsistic venture, I'm running a little poll to find out what you, my beloved readership, think about a topic which is quite close to my heart as of late.

Over the past few weeks, I've been re-watching Arrested Development and pretending as though I was actually cool enough to have watched the show while it was on Fox. Yes, that's right. I'm not vain enough to lie to you by fabricating some scenario where I actually watched the show during its three-year run. Those who claim they watched Arrested Development during its run are a blessed lot, but I'm a bit suspicious that those who claimed to have watched the show are the equivalent of the untold millions who subsequently claimed that they were at Woodstock.

With that said, the aforementioned poll concerns everyone's favorite character from the show. I know it is quite difficult, but you may only choose one. Otherwise, in the words of Judge Smails from Caddyshack, "You will get nothing...and like it!"

Without further ado, your choices:

• Michael Bluth
• Buster Bluth
• George Oscar Bluth II, "G.O.B."
• Lindsay Bluth Funke
• George Michael Bluth
• Maeby Funke
• Tobias Funke
• Lucille Bluth
• George Bluth Sr.
• Barry Zuckerkorn
• Bob Loblaw
• Stan Sitwell
• Lucille Austero
• Ann Veal
• Hel-loh "Annyong" Bluth
• Carl Weathers
• Gene Parmesan
• Wayne Jarvis
• Oscar Bluth
• Mrs. Featherbottom
• Write in Candidate of Your Choice
  

Them's the choices, folks. Feel free to supplement your vote with a clip that represents the essence of your character of choice.

My pick? I'm going with Tobias. There's comedy, there's high comedy, there's transcendent comedy, and then there's Tobias announcing the FIRE...sale.

I Survived the 80's One Time Already

Congratulations to Ms. Nina Patterson for correctly naming "Evil Urges" by My Morning Jacket as the Thursday Song of the Day.

After finishing up another quarter today (7 down, 2 to go), I've decided to take a little journey down to Austin tomorrow for the Lone Star State's version of David versus Goliath: Baylor/UT.
The Bears haven't won in Austin since 1991 (good old days, weren't they, U.S.S.R.?), and I don't expect that to change tomorrow, but if you turn on Fox Sports Net tomorrow around 11 a.m., I'll be the green dot in the sea of burnt orange.

Current Reading

Fiasco: The American Military Adventure in Iraq by Thomas E. Ricks

It Ain't Evil Baby If You Ain't Hurting Anybody

Congratulations to Mr. Peter Pope for correctly naming "Landed" by Ben Folds as the Wednesday Song of the Day.

In what will probably be my final post* on the long, strange odyssey that was the 2008 Presidential Election, I offer you my suggested debate format** for the 2012 election: Rap battles!!!!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Here are the lyrics:
Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

(McCain supporters)
McCain is the man
Fought for us in Vietnam
You know if anyone can
Help our country he can
Taxes droppin low
Dont you know oils gonna flow
Drill it low
I’ll show our economy will grow

McCain’s the best candidate
With Palin as his running mate
They’ll fight for gun rights, pro life,
The conservative right
Our future is bright
Better economy in site
And all the world will feel our military might

(Obama supporters)
But McCain and Bush are real close right
They vote alike and keep it tight
Obama’s new, he’s younger too
The Middle Class he will help you
He’ll bring a change, he’s got the brains
McCain and Bush are just the same
You are to blame, Iraq’s a shame
Four more years would be insane

Lower your Taxes - you know Obama Won’t
PROTECT THE LOWER CLASS - You know McCain won’t!
Have enough experience - you know that they don’t
STOP GLOBAL WARMING - you know that you won’t

I want Obama
FORGET OBAMA
Stick with McCain and you’re going to have some drama
We need it
HE’LL BRING IT
He’ll be it
YOU’LL SEE IT
We’ll do it
GET TO IT
Let’s move it
DO IT!

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

I’m talking big pipe lines, and low gas prices
Below $2.00 that would be nice

But to do it right we gotta start today
Finding renewable ways that are here to stay

I want Obama
FORGET OBAMA,
Stick wit McCain you gone have some drama
MORE WAR IN IRAQ
Iran he will attack
CAN’T BRING OUR TROOPS BACK
We gotta vote Barack!

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

*I unequivocally reserve the right to change this.
**Many thanks to Lance Agan and Cole Griffith for bringing this video into my life.

P.S. God bless the painfully awkward white kid on the top right. His lack of rhythm makes me feel right at home.

'Til I Opened My Eyes and Walked Out the Door

I wrote the following on March 30, 2006 after hearing Yale Law Professor Stephen L. Carter speak on campus at ACU:

One of the strongest points that Carter made during his speech, and one that he has made for many years as the author of numerous books and articles on the topic of civility and integrity in American life, is that a democracy is not defined by the fact that we are able to vote for politician or party that we support, but when we vote, we are willing to lose.

As Carter noted,when Bill Clinton won the 1992 Presidential election, George H.W. Bush did not refuse to leave the White House, but instead participated in the inaugural ceremonies, because one of the hallmarks of democracy is having the explicit knowledge that our side could be defeated in an election and to still operate as a functional society.

...and I still believe that today.

Regardless of whether you voted for Barack Obama or John McCain, one of the things that makes America great is that after the campaigns are over, after one candidate makes a concession speech, and after the other candidate acknowledges victory, our nation is not torn apart by warfare. We undoubtedly still maintain disagreements with those on the other side of the political aisle from ourselves, and it would be foolish to think those would disappear in a day, but in spite of those disagreements, all Americans acknowledge that Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the United States.
In America, you can support someone that you have vehemently disagreed with, you can pray for guidance and wisdom for your former opponent as he now becomes your leader, and you can remain engaged in the process of continuing this experiment we call America instead of choosing the low road of cynicism, defeatism, and enmity.

Now, excerpts from President-elect Obama and Senator McCain's speeches last night:

Senator Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain. These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.

I urge all Americans ... I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited.

Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. And please believe me when I say no association has ever meant more to me than that. It is natural. It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment. But tomorrow, we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again.

John McCain's concession speech, November 4, 2008.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity.

Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection."

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

Barack Obama's acceptance speech, November 4, 2008.

I Twisted It Wrong Just to Make It Right

Don't blame me.

I voted for Steven Gerrard.

Down Comes the Reign of the Telephone Czar

Since I found out I would be moving to Houston, my single greatest fear centered on being swept out to sea at the mercy of some record-breaking hurricane.

I was wrong, my friends. Dead wrong.

When I go to meet my maker it will not be at the hands of some namby-pamby "tropical storm". No, I will be assisted off of this mortal coil by a giant, plastic, backwards-hat wearing bear named "Clutch".

Walking Tall, You'd Bought It All

If you need me, I'm just going to be over here washing my 10 commemorative town hall debate plates.

Current Reading

No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy