Wednesday, December 29, 2004

She Started a Blaze From One Tiny Spark

A word to the wise: Be careful what you ask for, it just might happen. I was thinking the other day that I have been enjoying my time at home, but man, it does seem to be a bit boring around here. This week has more than made up for it though. Moving office furniture up at EOG is not my exact definition of fun, but if it helps to fund UK '05, then it receives my support.

With all of the time that I have had to think, I have not really come to any definite conclusions about all of the stuff that is running through my head, but I have begun to see some guiding principles take form during this time:

1. Time lessens pain, but does not take it away
2. The more you tell yourself not to think about someone/something, the more you think about that person or idea
3. Sometimes letting go allows you to find out how important someone/something is to you
4. Some mornings all you can do is wake up, breathe, and wonder what the tide will bring in.
5. Just because loving someone places you in a vulnerable position, do not be afraid of that vulnerability, even if it hurts. Loving deeply is the only way to love, and anything less is cheap.
6. Sometimes the best thing to give someone is time and space. Don't worry, this one has nothing to do with theoretical physics.
Always respect that. One of the worst things in life is forcing someone's hand.
7. You often find answers and comfort from the most unlikely of places.

This may seem a bit inane, and if they do, just ask me, and I will be glad to explain. That is if anyone still reads this thing. Even if no one does, I needed to write these principles and thoughts down, so I will be able to look back on them in the future. Every person and situation can be learned from, and it is up to us to see the hidden value.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Don't Cry, You Can Rely on Me Honey

Well, there was no White Christmas again this year for the Scott family. I guess my hopes should not be too high living in East Texas, but at least we did not have the mess in the Ohio Valley and other portions of the midwest. We were planning to go to my Grandma's in Indiana, but the storm was rolling through our planned course at the time that we were going to be driving up there, and so we had Christmas among the pines.

Christmas Eve over at the Johnson's was a lot of fun, and I was able to learn some simple lessons from some small people. Cameron (5 yrs. old), Brady (9 yrs), and I played with a simple balloon that Cameron received from the dentist for what seemed like hours, even though it may have only been a few minutes. To look at Cameron and Brady wrestle and laugh as brothers do, to see Cameron laugh at such a simple act of play, I remembered that it is often more important to love life than the meaning of it. So often I get caught up worrying about things that I cannot control or change, and I forget to remember that this life is a beautiful one.

Yes, there is pain. Yes, there is doubt. Yes, there is disappointment, but there is also beauty. And despite all of the darkness in the world, that beauty always seems to break through the night. I am starting to learn that faith is not acting like problems don't exist, but to remember and proclaim that God is good in spite of the pain and fear. We cannot abdicate all responsibility in examining our condition as humans, but we also cannot forget that we have the opportunity to access the beauty of the universe each day through the people, situations, and sights around us.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Why Don't You Climb Down Off that Movie Screen?

It is always funny when you expect to see or hear something in a movie, and it does not turn out quite the way you expected. I watched "The Terminal" for the first time yesterday, and when Tom Hanks begins to speak at the beginning of the movie, I expected the regular Tom Hanks voice to come out, but when "Viktor Navorsky" spoke I was thrown off for a second. I thought it was a very interesting, inventive film, but Catherine Zeta-Jones' performance left something to be desired. I guess when you share the screen with Tom Hanks it is easy to look like you are trying too hard. He seems to slip into the skin of his characters, and his actions as Forrest Gump, Captain John Miller, and Viktor Navorsky are incredibly natural.

I have held off on writing about this, and it will probably not reach the ears of those who could do something about it, but I would like to rant about the lack of a quality bookstore in Abilene. In general, those who are in college are people who enjoy reading, and with 5 colleges/universities/places of higher learning in Abilene, those people make up a significant portion of the population. They desire a place where they can go to look at books, purchase books, or maybe just flip through the pages of books to immerse themselves in the new book aroma. The place needs to have some sort of propriety and understanding that it is selling some of the great texts that have changed the world. Nice, plush chairs and a place where you can drink coffee are added bonuses.

With all of that said, Hasting's is anathema to book lovers. I do not want to be able to purchase my books in the same place that I can buy an NSYNC cardboard standee. If you relegate the portion of the store where books are sold to one corner or side, and give more room to the CDs and DVDs, the books are crying out for a store of their own. They want to be in a place where they are the main attraction, where they do not have to share the limelight with "You Got Served."

It would be folly to believe that an executive from Barnes and Noble or Borders reads my musings, but hey, we can all hope for a Chrismukkah miracle. Thanks for allowing me to get that out, and yes, it feels great.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Sit Yourself Down When You're Ready to Stay

Even though it has only been three days since I have written here, a lot has happened. The trip down to Houston was a lot of fun, and it was good to get out of town for awhile. I love reading as much as anyone, but I was able to plow through "Rainbow Six" in about a week, and that seemed like just a little too much time reading.

I am glad that we played a rousing game of Scattegories on Friday night at Mike's house. Scattegories might seem like a boring game to those who have never played, but let me tell you, it can become heated very quickly. It is always enjoyable to play with people who question every answer, and develop petty rivalries because someone did not vote for one of their answers. People are still talking about the Scattegories Slugfest that took place in Danny, Tripp, and Johnny's room in the fall of our Sophomore year.

Some of you might be thinking, why did Justin go all the way to Houston simply to play Scattegories? I did not, but that is not to say that I would not consider the possibility in the future. I ventured to that sprawling metropolis for the wedding of Heather James and Nate Fears. It was really good to see some guys from club like Jeff, Joey, Cody, Garrett, Gilly, Demetrius, Danny,and Brian Holland. It seems that as each year has gone by, I have become closer to all of these guys in ways that I just did not find in high school.

It always seems that when things we do not like happen, we cannot even begin to fathom them in the beginning, but with time, things begin to come into focus and seemingly incongrous parts fit together into a somewhat logical whole. Giving things and ideas their proper time to sink in and develop is one of the most difficult things to do in life, but I am learning that is often the best way to deal with difficult circumstances. Time may not necessarily heal all wounds, but it is often better than quickly speaking when no words are necessary.

Friday, December 17, 2004

What a Long Strange Trip It's Been

Watching the O.C. last night was fun, but not nearly as exciting as watching it at the Pink Flamingo (a.k.a. Malinda, Robyn, and Courtney's house). I am sure that the yelling would have reached a fever pitch last night when they showed the previews for the rest of the season.

I am heading down to Houston today for Nathan Fears' wedding, and I should be back on Saturday night. It will be good to see Aaron Winn after his semester down in Montevideo.

Marathon training has been going very well. It is a bit different here in East Texas than Abilene because of the rolling terrain, but I think that is a good simulation for the hills on the course in Austin. It seems that the closer that I get to the marathon, I have been looking forward to other events such as the Hotter than Hell Hundred or other long-distance events. I am beginning to think that running the marathon is going to be easier than training for it. Some days it is difficult to convince myself to get out there and run, but at some point I reach a place where I forget about everything that is going on, and I enjoy the simple pleasure of running.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

On the Dark Side, My Friend

One of the most bizarre things about coming home is seeing everyone revert to the way that we were in high school. It is almost as if we have to adapt to the situation that we currently find ourselves in and we forget who we have become since then. When Jon, Adam, Seth, and I are back in the apartment, we do not act the same way towards each other that we do when we are at home. I am not sure if that has to do with Adam being around Rachel a lot more when we are home or if it is Seth not being around Charity, but things just seem different.

It is also interesting to see Kristen again. Last night when we all went over to the Litton's, she was the only one there who does not go to ACU. When people go to separate places, you want to remember the time when you knew the same stories and the same places, but that has changed. She has had a completely different experience at Harding than we have had at ACU, and that has caused all of us to drift apart. It seems like the only thing that we can all talk about when we get together is how things once were. When talk begins to focus on what is currently going on, there is interest, but inevitably it begins to branch off into people and places that are foreign to some or all of us.

Maybe I am beginning to learn that is how life works. You spend time with people, you grow with them, but then the time comes when everyone has to go out and to follow their dreams. Sometimes you have dreams that are very similar to someone else's, and your path does not have to split for a while, and sometimes you have dreams that are very different from someone else, but you cherish their dreams, and they cherish yours, and you walk together despite your differences. Life is filled with people whom you know for a short time, but hopefully we find those people that stay with us as we grow, learn, and discover.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

You Gotta Learn How to Die

Last night a few of us gathered to watch the extended edition of "The Return of the King." When Peter Jackson says extended, he means extended. Viewing of this movie is not for the faint of heart or those lacking in sufficient padding on their backside. Yes, slender fellows like myself need a well-stuffed chair for this 4 hour and 10 minute marathon.

I am still surprised that "Return of the King" won the Best Picture Oscar. I would have personally voted for "Mystic River", but I don't have a vote, so this is all idle speculation. I guess that is why I have this grand forum to espouse my views, but I digress. The film is filled with large, chaotic scenes of battle, but the thing that I love about Peter Jackson's directing is that he does not allow that to take the place of the elements that were close to Tolkien's heart.

The Lord of the Rings is not entirely a story about a huge, life-changing journey as it is a tale of heroic personal courage and devotion. I think that Tolkien's favorite characters were not the spectacular fighters, but those who displayed sacrifice in amazing ways like Sam.

Spending all this time at home has given me a lot of time to think, but I am not gaining any kind of clarity about the things that run through my head. One of the hardest things to do in life is to give things time, especially when they are out of your control. I wake up and think about it, and I cannot fall asleep because it continues to run through my mind. You think that you value and cherish someone or something, but it really takes them not being there to show you what a big place they had in your life. I am seeking to come to some sort of peace about everything, but that means changing the way that I have thought about things for a long time. I have no idea how to gain new perspective on my situation, but like Hanks said in "Castaway","you just have to wake up some mornings and remember to breathe, because you never know what the tide is going to bring in."

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Rose-Colored Sunsets, No Flowers For Me

When are the times in your life that you have sat and watched the news, and thought that what you were watching is something really big that it is have long-term effects on the way the world operates? For people of my generation the event that comes very quickly to our minds is September 11, with its unbelievable images of planes crashing into buildings that were images of our national power to a certain extent.

Another event that I have recently been watching is the protests that are currently going on the Ukraine. While I might have been too young, to understand what was going on at Tiannamen Square on June 3, 1989, I know what is happening in Kiev. As the young people of this nation have committed to seeing the democratic process through to its proper end, people in the West are seeing the end of an era.

The Ukraine was once one of the prize republics in the U.S.S.R., and the thought that it would one day have the option of joining NATO and the EU has to seem inconceivable to those who hold power in Moscow, but it is happening. As the young people in the Ukraine were able to see the fall of the Berlin Wall in the late 80's, they built a democratic blueprint, and waited for the right time to show the extent of their power.

If you were to tell someone in 1994, that in ten years there would be democratic elections in places like the Ukraine and Afghanistan, they would have offered you ocean front property in Arizona, but those distant dreams are now a reality.

In other news, I have a confession to make. My guilty music pleasure song of the week is "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson. Yes, I know, I should be ashamed, but since I heard it for the first time at Freshman Follies, I have always enjoyed it. Go ahead, mock me, but it is catchy.

Monday, December 13, 2004

When I See You A Blanket of Stars Covers Me In My Bed

One of the things that inevitably happens when I come back from school is a series of comparisions between Abilene and Tyler. As I go back to church at Shiloh, and I compare it to the churches that I have been to in Abilene, I do not necessarily look at the differences between the two, but I begin think about what a church is exactly.

One of the most powerful things that a church can be is a community, where people are being transformed more and more each day into the likeness of Jesus. This means that a church is not place where "reality" is suspended at the door. Everyone should not walk in the door and simply have on their "I'm Alright, You're alright" face. If the church is not a place where people can see through the faults of others, and know that they are people who are not perfect, but are seeking to be formed into the likeness of Christ.

One of the other things that makes a church what God intended it to be is people who can see the overarching themes and ideas behind the rules. When Christ came, he did not embrace the Pharisees because their hearts did not love God, but rules. Christ came, and yes, he broke some rules, he did some things that people of the society condemned, but he was looking at bigger things.

He dared to heal people on the Sabbath because he knows that people's lives are bigger than simply keeping the rules. In our current times, I see bands like Switchfoot doing work like this. I have heard some Christians decrying their lack of "God" lyrics, but instead they are using their gifts to reach out to people, and to bring in a much larger audience than any other Christian band that I can think of, and this is because Switchfoot would not declare themselves on the surface to be a "Christian band."

God has always reminded people that he wants their hearts, and not their rule-keeping, but too often people fall captive to those who preach propriety in everything. Maybe it is because rule-keeping is something that we can keep track of. We can look up at our own personal chart filled with stars and say "Hey, I am doing alright." It is much more difficult, and takes real faith to live by ideas like love, compassion, gentleness, and faithfulness. With huge words like that, there are gray areas. It is often difficult to see the immediate effect of one's actions, but that is what faith is to me. Not knowing the exact effect of your actions, but living in a way that runs counter to the world, and trusting that if you live this way, you will be formed into the image of Christ more and more each day, and that in turn, will change the world as we know it.



Saturday, December 11, 2004

Pebbles and Marbles Like Things On My Mind

This past semester as I began to take more Political Science classes, I saw my interest in my major rise rapidly. I no longer saw my degree as simply a prerequisite for law school, but something that I could devote myself to and as a future career. I have always had this idea that I wanted to teach at the college level, and pursuing a career in political science would give me a great opportunity to pursuie that dream.

I see in small ways that I am making the right decision to pursue a career in political science when I talk with my parents about the Palestinian/Israeli conflict and the problems with wealth distribution in Nigeria. These topics may not be discussed in your house, but in our house they are debated and questioned with interesting fervor.

In other news, it has been a lot of fun to watch all of the coverage in the Tyler area for the Robert E. Lee State Championship. The alma mater of Jonathan Vincent Smith won the 5A Division I Texas Bowl today 28-21 over Spring Westfield. My mom said they even announced it in the grocery store as she shopped. Only in Texas my friends.

Friday, December 10, 2004

It's Only a Quarter to Three, Reflecting Off the OCD

Sometimes it is okay to sit around and do a whole lot of nothing all day long. Today, about the only things that I accomplished were my daily marathon training and finishing "First Among Equals" by Kenneth Starr. It seems that during the semester these kind of days are few and far between. Even on those lazy Saturdays when college football attempts to deprive all ambition for study, I know that work is still to be done in some classes.

One of the best things about college is the long break between semesters, but it has become increasingly difficult. As each year passes that I am at college, I have become less attached to this place. I love my parents, and enjoy coming back here, but this is not where my life is any more. My life is somewhere else, but even that is a place where I am staying temporarily. This is such an interesting time in life where you go away from your family and your friends become your family for a very important time of development and self discovery.

I guess I am longing for a place whose name I don't even know yet. A place where I can set down roots and build a life of my own. Maybe this is the longing that we are supposed to have for Heaven. We like where we currently are, but there is this odd, innate feeling that something else that we cannot entirely understand is out there. That is what I have been thinking about today as I come back to the place I call my home.

Thursday, December 9, 2004

Where the Cups are Cracked and Hooked Above the Sink/They Make Me Think

Apologies to the roommates last night, but I cannot willingly subject myself to watching the third film in the Matrix series. Wake me up when Keanu Reeves starts taunting the Grim Reaper again, and I will be happy.

One of the really troubling news stories that I have been following this semester has been the turmoil in the Darfur Region of Sudan. The words "never again" were uttered repeatedly after the horrific genocide in Rwanda ten years ago between the Hutus and the Tutsis, but it seems that we, the world community, are letting it happen again. Despite world leaders, such as Colin Powell, calling the events genocide, the global diplomatic sector has not mobilized a response. I understand that the topic of foreign intervention is an incredibly heated one right now, but ten years ago the world reeled in horror as revelations of mass killing and rape filtered out of Africa, and those same terrible words are reaching our ears once again.

Right now, it is difficult to assert that the United States has the political capital to place itself in the role of Darfur peacemaker, but what about the United Nations? What about the European Union? One of the reasons that the EU has not been mobilized is the stringent standards that must be applied in order for the EU peacekeeping forces to be deployed. Actions of the Common Foreign and Security Policy force have to receive unanimous support from the member nations. This seems to allow the possibility of debate on a subject, but when all the nations cannot agree on the specific course of action, that failure cannot be pinned on one nation, but on the inability of the whole to reach a unanimous decision.

It seemed that the world community drew a line in the sand after the Rwandan genocide, but the strong winds of world opinion and affairs seem to be blowing that line into obscurity.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

And the Sun It Tries to Warn Me, Boy Those Wings are Made of Wax

It is finished. Well, at least this semester is done. The Political Theory exam went very well, and my ace study partner, Adam "I love acronyms" Smith, feels good about the test as well. I will be heading out of town tomorrow around noon.

This Christmas break is going to be very interesting. I will have a lot of time to simply sit down and think. I wrote earlier today about deconstruction of our reality, and that is what I will have some opportunity to do. Often, I become so engrossed in what I am doing that I forget about the bigger stuff that is going on around me. All of those ideas that are not tangible are thrown aside for the things that I can see and touch. I need some time to reconnect with the things that give me meaning and purpose each day. This process is not going to be easy, but as Socrates said, "the unexamined life is not worth living."

If you want to come down to Tyler/Whitehouse to visit during the break just get in touch with me, and we will be happy to have you at the Scott house. I cannot guarantee that my Mom will cook lasagna while you are here, but the sheets will be clean. I will be activating my new cell phone tomorrow night around 5 p.m., and the number will be the same. Give me a call if you want, and I will be glad to talk. I hope everyone has a great finish to Finals and a superb Christmas Break.

P.S. Go Tyler Lee Red Raiders

I'd like to Rest My Heavy Head Tonight on a Bed of California Stars

Well, 3 exams down with 1 more to go. Last night was great at the Waterball Championship game. Jake Roseberry and I discussed how waterball is the closest thing that we currently have to the Gladitorial Games. Everyone is standing up in the balcony and cheering as people attempt to pummel each other simply to stick a rubber ball on the edge of a pool. It is a lot more fun than it sounds, and it also helps that we defeated the moonies for a championship for the second time in 5 days.

Last Saturday night, we went to go see "I Heart Huckabees" at the Drive-In. It was a very interesting movie with Jude Law in a role that I really have never seen him in before. The film is very existential, and deals with a lot of questions concerning self, identity, and our relationship to those around us. One of the most interesting things about the movie was its talk about deconstruction of our reality. One of the most difficult things for humans to do is to step outside of our everyday routine and to evaluate the chief aims and concerns of our lives.

In the film, they put people in a body-bag to isolate them from everything else. I am not sure that I would recommend that, but the idea is interesting. During my time at Trek, I see this happen a lot with the adults who accompany the teens. They have constructed this life at home, and when they are finally taken away from their routine, they see things with a much clearer vision. The important things seem to rise to the surface, and those afflictions that were once nameless are identified and dealt with. One of the best things that we can do is to step back every so often and to escape from our routine, our comforts, and to simply think and listen.

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

We Drove Out to the Desert Just to Lie Down Beneath This Bowl of Stars

Thank goodness Film Appreciation is finally over. It has been enjoyable to watch films from the past that I have always wanted to see like Citizen Kane, but the lecture portion of the class defintely sprung forth from one of the Inner Circles of Hell.

Last week at Club the guys who are graduating in December (and actually leaving instead of hanging around like a certain Demetrius Collins) gave their Senior Speeches. A general time of frivolity and free clothes as guys pass down old shirts, hats, and a myriad of other items that only Gamma Sigs would find valuable. It will be difficult to imagine GSP without guys like Cody Blair, Clay Chesser, Cal Begnalio. They have placed themselves in positions of service, and that effort has brought this club to the place that it is today.

I have my Politics of Developing Countries Final today with Dr. Neal Coates. It should not be incredibly difficult, and I think that I will write on the following essay question: Explain the theory and practicality of how drastic agrarian or political reform occurs in LDCs--with compromise and reason, with violence, or mixture of the two. I feel pretty good writing about it, but if anyone has any incredible insights in this area before 2 p.m., just shoot me an email.

Monday, December 6, 2004

We Were Surprised to Find So Much Inside

I realize I have not put any of my own words on here for awhile, but as many of you know, the recent conditions have not been the best for writing. I am so thankful to my parents for their love and support. I have this odd way of forgetting sometimes that they were my age once too, and they have experienced many of the same things that I am working through right now. Just talking to my Dad and knowing that when he talks about giving things time to sort, he has lived it out. That testimony is powerful, and makes it that much easier to listen.

Running has been a real interesting time as of late. It is an engima for me because it represents this time of escape where I leave behind what I have been doing, and I go out and feel very basic human emotions. I experience elation at the simple ability to run. I feel pain as the lactic acid builds up in my legs, and I face doubts about my ability to press on. At the same time, I am completely alone with my thoughts. My head swims at times with the many things fighting for my focus. I am able to let my mind wander over all the things that concern me, and to not find any real answers, but to simply ask questions. I suggest answers and solutions to myself, but those suggestions only lead to more questions. I think that is not a problem, but is really a blessing in a journey of discovery.

Friday, December 3, 2004

Ashes

Ashes to ashes
And dust to dust
That’s what has become
Of our love and trust

Love has no direction
Cause love has no aim
Love can leave you
As fast as she came

Meeting is such sweet sorrow
Cause someday we may have to part
Hush don’t you make a sound
You’re gonna let me down

Good things come
To those who wait
But good things are gone
From those who are late

All that I am
Is all I can give
But with or without you
My life I must live

Meeting is such sweet sorrow
Cause someday we may have to part
Hush don’t you make a sound
You’re gonna let me down

Living ain’t easy
Since you’ve been gone
No one else can please me
Or make me feel home

Forgetting ain’t easy
You stay on my mind
Thoughts of us haunt me
Can’t leave them behind

Ashes-Ben Harper

Thursday, December 2, 2004

A Good Night

Good Night
-Definition-No, not the statement that people make to each other before they head off to sleep, but a good evening out and around.

1.Winning an Intramural Flag Football Championship
2.Seeing guys like Cody Blair and John Mark Moudy play all out during their last football game ever
3.Beating the moonies to do it!

ICB Forever Baby!

Took A Moment From My Day

I took a moment from my day
Wrapped it up in things you say
Mailed it off to your address
You’ll get it pretty soon unless

The packaging begins to break
And all the points I tried to make
Are tossed with thoughts into a bin
Time leaks out my life leaks in

You won’t find moments in a box
And someone else will set your clocks
I took a moment from my day
Wrapped it up in things you say
And mailed it off to you

"Wading in the Velvet Sea" by Phish