It's Been a Long Time Coming, Such a Long, Long Time

I'm not sure how I wandered so far off base, but yesterday I failed to mention that annual time of joy and frivolity, Festivus.

Remember, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a successful Festivus gathering requires 6 elements:

1. Festivus Rituals (i.e. donations in someone's name to the Human Fund)
2. The Festivus Pole (Available through the Wagner Companies of Milwaukee, Wisconsin)
3. Festivus Dinner (preferably meatloaf or spaghetti in a red tomato-based sauce)
4. The Airing of Grievances (occurs immediately after Festivus dinner, but try to keep it under 2 hours in the name of family unity)
5. The Feats of Strength (culminates in an attempt to pin the head of the household, thus ending Festivus)
6. Festivus Miracles (can occur throughout the Festivus period)

As Frank Cosntanza once said, "It [Christmas] was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!"

In the iconic words of Ron Burgundy after he jumped into the bear pit at the world-famous San Diego Zoo,"I immediately regret this decision!!!!"

Jerry Orbach, whose whereabouts I questioned in a post earlier today, is for all intents and purposes deceased. Mr. Orbach, you probably have no method of reading this post, but if any of your relatives somehow get wind of this, I have no excuses for my oversight.

Here's what the readers of Running Down a Dream are saying about my blunder:

• "Ummm Justin, im pretty sure jerry orbach died of prostate cancer a few years back. i'd be working on a well worded retraction." --Tuegel
• "Yeah, he's dead. He died in 2004 after making about 2 episodes of the failed (fourth?) spin-off of L&O - Trial By Jury. And I'd argue he had the best and longest career of anyone on L&O, except perhaps Waterston who has made a career OF L&O - Orbach was the father in Dirty Dancing, the voice of Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast and he was on Broadway a LOT. My parents saw him once in the 80s in the lead role of a musical, which I can't remember the name of. My mom says she's seen precious few performances that could match/surpass him." --Yee

A few years before he passed to the "House that Ruth Built in the Sky", Joe DiMaggio reportedly saw a mention of his death in the scrolling ticker during an MSNBC program. The Yankee Clipper instructed someone to call the broadcasters and inform them that rumors of his demise were greatly exaggerated. I'm not sure if Tuegel and Yee work for Jerry Orbach's people, but the message has come in loud and clear.