It's Been a Long Time Coming, Such a Long, Long Time

I'm not sure how I wandered so far off base, but yesterday I failed to mention that annual time of joy and frivolity, Festivus.

Remember, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a successful Festivus gathering requires 6 elements:

1. Festivus Rituals (i.e. donations in someone's name to the Human Fund)
2. The Festivus Pole (Available through the Wagner Companies of Milwaukee, Wisconsin)
3. Festivus Dinner (preferably meatloaf or spaghetti in a red tomato-based sauce)
4. The Airing of Grievances (occurs immediately after Festivus dinner, but try to keep it under 2 hours in the name of family unity)
5. The Feats of Strength (culminates in an attempt to pin the head of the household, thus ending Festivus)
6. Festivus Miracles (can occur throughout the Festivus period)

As Frank Cosntanza once said, "It [Christmas] was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!"