My Occupational Hazard Being My Occupation's Just Not Around

Dan Carlson left the following comment on yesterday's post:

"Does the Rule of 2 extend to sports-related clothing? A guy in the office wore a Redskins jersey and a Chargers cap the other day, and he looked like a douche (though he always does, so I could be biased). Your advice on this would be greatly appreciated. "

I left a short response on yesterday's post, but I think this subject deserves a much more intensive examination. Here we go...

The Unofficial Rules of Wearing Sports Related Apparel (in no order)

• Never, and I repeat never, simultaneously wear pieces of apparel from teams in the same league/sport. This rule applies to the situation that Dan mentioned. No one should be caught dead in a Seahawks jersey and a Texans hat.

• A note on the previous rule: Many New Yorkers tried to justify their defiance of the last rule during the Subway Series between the Yankees and Mets in 2000. The "I'm from New York and I will be happy no matter which team wins" defense is no excuse to wear a Yankees cap and a Mets jersey.

• Do not simultaneously wear apparel from two different colleges. I saw this one all the time at ACU. People wearing ACU hats and Harvard t-shirts. ACU shirts with University of Texas hats.

• A slight exception to the previous rule exists. If you are wearing a shirt or hat for a fraternity/sorority/"social club" at your university, you can wear apparel relating to another university at the same time. I.e. a GSP shirt with a UT hat. I've pulled this one many times, so maybe that's why it's an exception.

• You may simultaneously wear items from a pro sports team and a college. A Minnesota Vikings hat with a University of Minnesota Golden Gophers sweatshirt is appropriate. It is not necessary that these two items represent teams in a geographically similar area as my example might suggest.

• If you are wearing two pieces of sports apparel at the same time, please limit to it 2 items from the same team/university. The Texas Rangers cap with the jersey is appropriate, but in the name of Ian Kinsler leave the Rangers flip-flops or sweatpants at home.

• The only time you should wear the jersey of someone no longer on your team is if they have retired. Rangers fans, if any of you are audacious enough to still even own A-Fraud jerseys, don't wear them to games simply because they have the team name on the front.

• For goodness sakes, quit being a cheapskate, fork over your cash or plastic for a jersey of a player currently on the team. When Juan Gonzalez or Pudge ever retire, it is appropriate to wear their Rangers jerseys because they had some quality years with the franchise.

That's all I have for right now, but if any of you can think of additional rules, please feel free to offer them.