He Wore His Gun Outside His Pants

I'll begin today's post with a little SAT analogy question.

• As Iran is to the United States, the internet is to...........
• A. Al Gore
• B. The founder of Amazon.com (Jeff Bezos)
• C. My father
• D. Steven Seagal (that's for you Jim's Lake Air Barber Shop)

All of you who guessed answer choice C. My father, you are correct. Didn't you learn anything from all of those years guessing and bluffing your way through objective tests? Always choose C when you have no idea.

When my parents visited this past weekend, the internet came up in one of our conversations and my father expressed his disdain for the worldwide web. Now, I happen to know that he frequently uses the internet to look up guitar tabs and persue the Tyler Bicycle Club website, but I understand his point. Sometimes the web can be a bramble bush of nonsense, but on certain days it yields nuggets of gold. Today, my friends, was one of those days.

First, I stumbled across this gem on the NY Times website.
Yes, that's right. On the Anti-Castro TV network that the U.S. government beams into Cuban homes, there is a show called "Office of the Chief" where the whole family gets to chuckle at the zany exploits of fictional Fidel and Raul. I could be mistaken, but isn't that Jerry Stiller portraying Fidel in the above photo? I can hear it now, "Workers of the world unite. Serenity now!"

Second, you knew I was going to comment on this. When I first heard the story, I knew it wasn't true. You may ask, "Justin, how did you know that? Have you acquired some type of clairvoyant abilities?" The answer is none of the above. Think about it with me. Would T.O., the master of shenigans that raise the greatest amount of public hype, ever think about committing suicide in such a private way as overdosing on pills? No way.

He's going to pull the stunt that generates the most press coverage before he does it. He would stand on top of Texas Stadium threatening to jump through the hole in the roof before he plunged like Icarus. We know this guy too well to think that he would pick something as quiet as pills.

P.S. I'm not trying to make light of suicide, but merely attempting to point out the absurd nature of the coverage surrounding this whole story. If I have offended anyone, I apologize.