I'm Starting to Believe It's Your Plan All Along

One of my friends, Russ Guild, loves to tell the story of how he faked appendecitis in middle school to get out of taking a test. Getting out of a test is great and all, but Russ kept faking the appendecitis until they actually put him under and removed his appendix. Sure, the appendix is a vestigial organ, and he doesn't really need it in the way he needs a kidney, but you have to admire (or not) that kind of dedication, even if it was to a fictitious reality.

The following story simultaneously manages to be hilarious, pitiful, and mindblowing. If I were pitching it to a Hollywood studio, I would frame it as Catch Me if You Can meets Varsity Blues. Without further ado, I give you the short, sad tale of Kevin Hart.
A Nevada high school football player who drew national attention after he claimed to have accepted a scholarship offer that never existed, yesterday admitted making up the entire story. "I wanted to play [Division I] ball more than anything," Kevin Hart said in a statement released by the Lyon County School District. "When I realized that wasn't going to happen, I made up what I wanted to be reality. I am sorry for disappointing and embarrassing my family, coaches, Fernley High School, the involved universities and reporters covering the story."

Hart, a 6-foot-5, 290-pound senior lineman, announced at a school-wide assembly last Friday that he had accepted a scholarship offer from the University of California. Hours later, however, recruiting Web sites began questioning whether he ever received such an offer. Yesterday, the first day high school seniors could officially accept college football scholarships, national media -- including The Washington Post, ESPN and Sports Illustrated -- had picked up Hart's story. Earlier this week, representatives of California and other schools that Hart had mentioned said they had never recruited the player.

"Prep Football Player Gets Caught in a Lie" by Josh Barr of the Washington Post.