A Voice Inside My Head Said Don't Look Back, You Can Never Look Back

[Setting: Mid-town Manhattan outside of the NFL Offices]

Member of Immanuel Bible Church (Springfield, VA): Commissioner Goodell, excuse me, sir, Commissioner Goodell, excuse me.

Roger Goodell: [Turns around quickly] Yes?

Member of Immanuel Bible Church (Springfield, VA): Commissioner, on behalf of Immanuel Bible Church in Springfield, Virginia, I want to invite you to our annual Super Bowl party where you can watch the big game on a six-foot screen. Six-feet, Roger! That's larger than the sub sandwich you and Bill Belichick just polished off after discussing what to do about Spygate.

Roger Goodell: Six-foot screen, you say? Hmmmmmm.

Member of Immanuel Bible Church: Yes sir, and all the pizza you can handle.

Roger Goodell: Gee, I really appreciate the offer, but I just think I'm going to have to decline.

Member of Immanuel Bible Church: Why's that, Rog? As I said earlier, I know you love subs. We can scrap the pizza order for subs.

Roger Goodell: Well, it's not that, although I do love subs. It's just this copyright thing.

Member of Immanuel Bible Church: What copyright thing?

Roger Goodell: Well, our lawyers tell me that the NFL has a policy banning public showing of games on TV sets or screens larger than 55 inches, which puts you about 17 inches over the line.

Member of Immanuel Bible Church: Well, what about the sports bars with huuuuuge screens?

Roger Goodell: [Moves hands in same motion as Rob Schneider in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York when asking Kevin McAllister for a tip]

Member of Immanuel Bible Church: I see, Roger. No need to rub it in, dude.

Roger Goodell: Well, see you around. I've got to get out to Arizona for the game. All this time near Yankee Stadium has really been freaking me out.

"NFL Pulls Plug on Big-Screen Church Parties for Super Bowl" by Jacqueline L. Salmon of the Washington Post.