Bells are Chiming for Victory
At this point, we've all read the stories about the U.S.-launched missile that destroyed a National Reconnaissance Office satellite late Wednesday night, but in the words of George Oscar Bluth II (G.O.B. to his friends), "COME ON, U.S. military."
Aren't there other uses for the munitions of the United States, such as...- Yankee Stadium
- The studios filming any one of the thousand "CSI: (Insert American City here)"
- Old Trafford
- The headquarters of the Blahg
- Jose Canseco's house, Roger Clemens's house, Barry Bonds's house, etc.
- The source of the immortal "Don't tase me, bro" catchphrase
- People still voting for Mitt Romney weeks after he dropped (excuse me, suspended) his Presidential campaign.
- Any supporters of the Philadelphia Eagles, New York Giants, or New England Patriots.
- The person that invented speed limits
- Charlie Finley and John Hedyler (the brain trust behind the designated hitter rule)
That's all the punishment I can dole out at this time, but feel free to add your own suggestions.
Labels: Arrested Development, Barry Bonds, Manchester United, Mitt Romney, New England Patriots, New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Roger Clemens, Television, The Evil Empire
posted by Justin @ 2/21/2008 08:37:00 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
We have a warehouse full of spare satellite parts which we would hurl into the sky above Houston to redirect any bogey headed toward our headquarters (which is in India as it turns out).
India, you say?
I secretly suspected that the Blahg had also fallen victim to the out-sourcing epidemic. Now, my suspicions have found confirmation.
A more likely story: you're living there as a spy for the Pakistani cricket team.
You really want to bomb the guys who came up with the DH rule in baseball? Please, I say bomb the entire National League for their insistance on continuing to trot out their pitcher every nine at-bats. Really, what's more fun to watch-Big Papi swing for the fences with two outs, or Bronson Arroyo come up in a clutch spot and kill any rally your team has? Give me designated hitter, or give me death.
Personally, I'm in favor of more Bronson Arroyo in those spots, but maybe that's because there's enormous appeal in the riduclous idea of a guy named Bronson wearing cornrows.
I love watching Papi bat just as much as anyone, but I want to see complete players on the field, meaning, if Ortiz is huge defensive liability at first base, that is part of the calculus that Terry Francona has to engage in during the process of determining whether to play Ortiz or someone like Youkilis, Millar, Doug Mientkiewicz instead.
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