This Isn't Who It Would Be If It Wasn't Who It Is
Yesterday, my friends, two important things took place in this world of ours:
- The rescue of Capt. Richard Phillips.
- Angel Cabrera won the Masters after a 2-hole playoff.
What do these two seemingly unrelated stories have in common? Almost nothing.
Almost.
On the high seas, we've certainly sent a message to the Somalian Pirate community that we don't appreciate their ongoing efforts to disrupt shipping around the Horn of Africa, that is, if you think shooting them in the head with high-powered rifles is a message, which I do. Now that they've raised the ire of the United States of America, what are these poor, poor pirates to do?
Almost.
On the high seas, we've certainly sent a message to the Somalian Pirate community that we don't appreciate their ongoing efforts to disrupt shipping around the Horn of Africa, that is, if you think shooting them in the head with high-powered rifles is a message, which I do. Now that they've raised the ire of the United States of America, what are these poor, poor pirates to do?
Don't worry, my violent, wayward, yet somehow possibly useful friends. I have a plan for you.In case you were wondering, this is where the Masters comes in...we've all been watching a golf tournament, slipping in out and out of consciousness on the couch, and listening to the dulcet tones of Jim Nantz and Verne Lundquist when something terrible tears us from our final descent in Dreamworld.
Yes, all too frequently, it is the golf fan/idiot who feels compelled to screech "GET IN THE HOLE!!!" on every single shot. One particularly desperate individual even let loose "GET ON THE GREEN!!!" at one point on Saturday afternoon. That's not creative, that's not original, that's just lowered expectations, folks, and frankly, it's just sad.
You know who I'm talking about, ladies and gentlemen. These are the morons who also go to concerts and yell "FREEBIRD!!!" for three hours while still thinking they're somehow original. The Somali Pirates need to find these people, eliminate them from the gene pool, and restore Saturday/Sunday afternoon golf viewing to its proper place in the Pantheon of Napping.
I don't want to know when they do this, and I don't want to know how they do this. All I care about is finishing the job. Somali Pirates, a nation turns its hopeful eyes to you.
Labels: Golf, Pirates, Somalia, The Masters
posted by Justin @ 4/13/2009 08:22:00 PM
10 comments
10 Comments:
Kenny Perry could eat the pirates, but lets just hope he doesn't CHOKE on them!
Best joke ever,
JOSH HOLLEY
The comment was written much, much too quickly to be authored by Josh Holley. I sense an impostor.
I wonder if the Somali Pirates are better in baseball than the Pittsburgh Pirates. It sure would add some interesting dynamics in the NL Central.
I don't know, Shipp. I would worry about them getting "gunned down" at home. Hii-yoo!!!
Your joke is gay, and your blog is gay!
-Sean Cagle
Scott -- Do you like fish sticks in your mouth?
By the way, when is the next random discussion about redistricting?
Searcey
Does this mean I have to stop yelling "Freebird!" at concerts and golf events? Sigh.
Sean, ahem, Cole,
Thanks for the kind words.
J.R. Searcey,
Nope, not a fan of fish sticks in the mouth. The next discussion of redistricting will occur, well, I don't know when it will occur. I certainly didn't know this one was going to occur today.
Prof. Osler,
I think the only permissible occasions to yell "Freebird" are either when you are at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert or when you are giving people a command to release birds.
Score update:
Pittsburgh Pirates 4:4
Somali Pirates 4:2
I'll let the numbers do the talking
Intriguing, the T.J. Hooper. Intriguing.
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