Silent Scenes in Motion Means I'll Wake You When We're There

Many thanks to Mr. Andrew Tuegel for passing along the following tragic tale...

Citing a need for physical and spiritual cleansing after a Boston Red Sox fan entombed a David Ortiz jersey in the floor of the new facility, the New York Yankees buried former centerfielder Bernie Williams under 4,650 pounds of concrete Wednesday in the foundation of the new Yankee Stadium for good luck.

According to team sources, the instant the 39-year-old Williams was completely submerged in the rapidly setting structural material, stopping his voice as his lungs and mouth filled with concrete, the sun broke through the clouds and shone on the yet-incomplete field. Yankees part-owner Hank Steinbrenner called the occurrence a sign indicating that the "Curse Of A Red Sox Fan's David Ortiz Jersey" had been reversed, and that God was once again on the Yankees' side.

"Yankees Bury Bernie Williams Under New Stadium for Good Luck" in The Onion.

Honestly, how did The Onion know what I wished for last year on my birthday?

A dead Bernie Williams?

No.

A dead, concrete-asphyxiated Bernie Williams?

Undoubtedly yes.