I'll Take a Quiet Life, A Handshake of Carbon Monoxide

In the words of Jacobim Mugatu of Zoolander fame,"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills", because I swear that earlier this evening I had a bad dream where a #5 seeded New York Giants squad quarterbacked by Eli (Black Sheep of the Family) Manning and coached by Tom Coughlin came into Texas Stadium and defeated a #1 seeded America's Team by the score of 21-17.

Wait.

What's that?

So, what you're telling me is that wasn't a dream?

That actually happened?

Just a second, I think I'm going to be sick.

(5 minutes later)

Okay, I've been out for a little walk around the block, took a few deep breaths, stepped down from that high bridge over the Brazos, and avoided stepping into oncoming traffic on I-35. Now let's approach this like a rational adult.

For the second time in less than twelve months, a Dallas team has gone into the playoffs carrying the #1 seed in its conference, and each team, the Mavericks last spring and now the Cowboys, have spectacularly flamed out of the playoffs at the first possible opportunity. I've never been a particularly huge Mavs fan, but I've been cheering for the Cowboys since the early 90's, and that's what makes today's loss so much more disappointing.

In the Mavs' loss last spring to the Golden State Warriors, Dirk & Co. allowed the games to slip away one by one and the "this can't be happening" feeling settled over the Mavericks' fanbase like a slowly descending fog. Today, the "this can't be happening" feeling descended on Cowboys fans like an anvil dropping on Wile E. Coyote.

Sure, we told ourselves that their poor form in December was an aberration and that they would be able to turn it on when it counted in January, but for the second straight season, and an NFL-record tying 6th straight time in the playoffs, we are wondering where it all went wrong.

If you need me, I'll be outside burning my apparently ineffective Eli Manning voodoo doll. In a further sign of the impending apocalypse, Eli was a clutch performer leading the G-Men while his much ballyhooed, corporate pitchman brother, Peyton, lost at home to a Chargers team that almost everyone expected them to beat handily. Up is down, black is white, and dogs and cats are living together in harmony.

It's a brave new world, my friends. Get ready for the end.