Writing Fan Letters to Sky King and Penny

In more news from the source of perpetual putridity (Baylor football), University of Houston head coach Art Briles was interviewed in Dallas today by the Baylor Athletic Director, Ian McCaw, but has not commented on whether he will fill the B.U. coaching vacancy or even if that soul-sucking position was extended in his general direction.

Without question, my favorite portion of the article that I have linked to is the rumor circulated by a Houston radio station that Baylor offered Briles a contract for 10 years and an annual salary of $1.8 million dollars. Now, we can all acknowledge that Waco is not sub-Saharan Africa, but an annual salary of $1.8 million would enable you to do a myriad of notable things in the 254.


Such as:

• Purchasing the site of the former Branch Davidian compound and hosting "Start Your Own Fanatical Following" seminars.
• Buying exclusive rights to a section of the Brazos River to host simulated naval battles. It worked for the Roman emperors and it can work for you as well.
• Acquiring the Brazos Belle, breaking that venerable craft free from its moorings, and cruising up and down its namesake river while constantly referring to yourself as "Steamboat Willie".
• Placing additional copies of the above-pictured Gizmo magazine into your already extensive collection.

Coach Briles, I have no idea if you will be the next leader of the Baylor football program, but I have no doubt that my enticing recitation of possible outlets for your potential wealth will be an offer that you cannot (as Don Vito Corleone once said) refuse.