They're Flying Too High to See My Point of View
In celebration of my return from the blogging crypt, I'm beginning a new Friday series (and possibly more days if I run out of material, which is highly likely) entitled, "Thanks a lot, (Insert name of person or group of people)!" It may not seem catchy at first, but like "Co-stan-za", it will grow on you.
The first group to go under the proverbial microscope? Women (and possibly men, though I haven't seen them) who wear large belts on the outside of their shirts/blouses/pants, even though those belts are not going through any sort of fabric loops or fasteners. You know the belts I'm talking about. Belts made out of enough plastic to choke an entire ocean of dolphins. Belts that have crazy colors that have only been seen in Dr. Seuss books. Belts that look like they were purchased from an Eastern European power-lifting team and painted in one of the colors that you can buy a Volkswagen Beetle in.
Oh, I get it, ladies. You're trying to give yourself a waist, you're trying to "accessorize" (whatever that even means), or you're simply trying to keep up with the fashion Joneses. These are all seemingly (emphasis on "seemingly") valid excuses to wear belts that would shame even Hulk Hogan after he won Wrestlemania III.
Quick Tangent: I do love how the Wrestlemania events are the only other sporting events besides the Super Bowl to utilize Roman Numerals. Roman Numerals are like the Clint Eastwood of numbers. It's hard to believe that a movie with Eastwood won't have some serious sense of gravitas, and it's hard to dismiss out-of-hand any event that is measured with Roman Numerals. If they were good enough for Augustus, they must certainly be good enough for Vince McMahon and Andre the Giant, but I digress.
Back to the topic at hand...ladies, in the New Year of 2010, let's all agree to treat belts as functional objects instead of an excuse to look like a reject from a ship commanded by Captain Jack Sparrow. Use a belt to hold up your pants and not to look like you're headed for a shift loading a pallet-jack at Lowe's.
The first group to go under the proverbial microscope? Women (and possibly men, though I haven't seen them) who wear large belts on the outside of their shirts/blouses/pants, even though those belts are not going through any sort of fabric loops or fasteners. You know the belts I'm talking about. Belts made out of enough plastic to choke an entire ocean of dolphins. Belts that have crazy colors that have only been seen in Dr. Seuss books. Belts that look like they were purchased from an Eastern European power-lifting team and painted in one of the colors that you can buy a Volkswagen Beetle in.
Oh, I get it, ladies. You're trying to give yourself a waist, you're trying to "accessorize" (whatever that even means), or you're simply trying to keep up with the fashion Joneses. These are all seemingly (emphasis on "seemingly") valid excuses to wear belts that would shame even Hulk Hogan after he won Wrestlemania III.
Quick Tangent: I do love how the Wrestlemania events are the only other sporting events besides the Super Bowl to utilize Roman Numerals. Roman Numerals are like the Clint Eastwood of numbers. It's hard to believe that a movie with Eastwood won't have some serious sense of gravitas, and it's hard to dismiss out-of-hand any event that is measured with Roman Numerals. If they were good enough for Augustus, they must certainly be good enough for Vince McMahon and Andre the Giant, but I digress.
Back to the topic at hand...ladies, in the New Year of 2010, let's all agree to treat belts as functional objects instead of an excuse to look like a reject from a ship commanded by Captain Jack Sparrow. Use a belt to hold up your pants and not to look like you're headed for a shift loading a pallet-jack at Lowe's.
Labels: Gratuitious Seinfeld References, Thanks A Lot (Insert Name of Person or Group of People)
posted by Justin @ 1/15/2010 10:33:00 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
You should somehow add the song from those old beer commercials. I forget the company now, but you know what I'm talking about, right? They would show appreciation for some long-hyphenated-name guy.
Would you watch the NBA if it used Roman numerals? This year could be NBA Finals LXIII, eh?
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